Well I really hope your SS does get an awakening, I have waited 7 years for this one, although I have felt for the last couple of years that my older SKids had developed a new appreciation for my efforts as they grew up. It will be a long time before we trust SD14 fully again, not just because of her behaviour recently, but because I can see that her secrecy and closed off nature is pretty much a direct result of the fraught nature of her parents divorce. She simply does not know how to talk openly and honestly about her feelings and her life. Without honesty there can't be trust, but we really do recognise and appreciate that she is making a genuine effort to change, and are doing everything we can to support this. We will also ensure that BM is not cut out - I don't think SD wants that anyway, and we wouldn't lower ourselves to the kind of games and minipulation BM put DH through when he moved out. I love your footnote, I think the real test of this love is if they come to visit me in the old people's home!

Thanks. You never know what will happen. Ironically I think it was at about the time that I had my own baby and stopped fretting over whether the SKids were ever going to love me that they started to care for me more.

Thankyou so much! On the CS front the best I can hope for is that DH stops paying SD14's CS to BM! Which he won't do for a month or so until things have settled down, in order not to inflame an already wounded BM. BM earns a fraction of what DH earns and still has SS12 to look after so she wouldn't be liable for CS. DH is justifiably wary of BM's ability to stir things up and manipulate a situation and now has an irrational fear that if he follows straight on from the news that SD is going to live with us, with an announcement that CS is being withdrawn, BM will make out that he only wants SD to live with us because of the money! This is paranoia on his part and I need to try and convince him to sort the money out sooner because otherwise we've either got additional costs which he may or not recover from BM, or we have to tell SD to ask BM if she needs anything major. Both seem much more awkward to me than giving BM notice now that her CS will change, but there's highly strung divorced Dad's for you!

Appreciating your concern but don't worry, we have talked in detail and at length with SD14 about why she wants to move and are certainly not offering her an easy way out. We have far more rules and boundaries and routines here than BM has, and because we live in the country SD will be much more restricted in seeing friends and going out. She's got 2 main reasons for wanting to move, firstly that she recognises that she's got herself into a bad situation and feels that she will be more able to make a fresh start if she changes her circumstances, secondly her BM's home is not very stable and SD does not feel comfortable with BM's boyfriend. BM's house is chaotic, slapdash and occasionally very fun. BM drinks too much and when she is not working she is often out. SD does not hate her Mum, and there has been no flouncing or ranting, but I think she has become more aware and critical of her recently, particularly as she has realised that some of her own negative behaviour, including drinking and smoking, is actually mirroring her mum. So she's copying behaviour that she doesn't like in her mother. I have talked to SD14 about BM's boyfriend and pointed out the difficulties of his position from my perspective as a step parent and told her that regardless of whether she lives with us or not she needs to work on her relationship with him, because he DOES care about her and he is important to her mum and her half brother. My sense that we are in a honeymoon period is more a recognition that we are all making a special effort so having SD here is quite pleasant at the moment, but of course no teen is going to be on their best behaviour for ever!