thoughts
I am pretty resilient. I can keep my cool for extreme periods with compassion and understanding and be a bigger person. Then every once in a while that turns into being a doormat and I lose all respect for the people I tried to be a bigger person for. Once it's gone it doesn't really return. That saddens me so i take care to work for a pretty long time to try to be understanding while standing up for myself then just like that it is gone one day.
fighting back tears glad today i have counseling
despite my SO and SS8
They informed me at work that I'm getting the attorney who flips over his paralegals desk when he gets angry and goes bat shit crazy at the spur of the moment.
I can play crazy too but I really have no energy to do this I think they trust my feisty personality cloaked in warmth way too much
I don't want to be miserable at work and home
I want this day to end
- bluehighlighter's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Oh man. What happened to the
Oh man. What happened to the last paralegal? Did she move to another attorney?
You can look at Mr. BSC as practice. He might be an social moron, but he's smart enough to have passed the bar. You can teach him how to treat his paralegals.
He is getting promoted the
He is getting promoted the mean attorney (ugh) b/c they are promoting my super awesome sweet one and need to fill his spot / someone to take his cases.
The paralegal's he's had:
all have left our office except one who is a friend of mine. She has a strong personality and is extremely funny. They "get along" basically she chooses when to stand up to his asshole crap.
She was the first person to tell me I was getting him... She came to my office shut the door and told me and basically said that all of her "he's not that bad" has been a big coverup to manage not quiting. She said most recently as in last week he just slammed his phone receiver down over and over again on his phone in anger while he cussed her out about something. Then he was all sunshine and roses a few minutes later. She said the first month I'll think he's great then outta no where he'll flip the hell out and cuss me out or throw me under the bus. That sometimes she doesn't even realize how badly he's insulted her until he walks out of her office and she processes what happened.
She just got accepted to 3 different law schools so she'll be leaving soon also. He told her the other day "you haven't passed the bar yet (her name), my diploma still trumps you everyday"
He's very charming like an abuser and can turn it off and on which is why I think he still hasn't been fired somehow.
She said that when he came to her office to tell her about his promotion she asked him to close the door. Then she told him "if you make bluehighlighter cry I will make YOU CRY."
He sent me an email to say he's excited about working with me and that "I'll be relying on you to tell me what to do!! I am not too egotistical to ask for help and admit that I need it!!!
I am looking forward to working with you!"
I laughed it's almost like going on a date and someone saying "i'm a nice guy" b/c of course they are not!! haaaaaaaaaa
I'm on edge til i get to flip out on him and put him in his place or try... which is in a few weeks. I don't wanna be all buddy buddy with him like he tries to be with people b/c I know who he really is he will get a rude awakening. I just wish I didn't have this bullshit at work. Jeez i wish someone would just fire him I don't wanna have to be sucker punching him and playing ego games with a douche bag.
Whatever I'm sure I can handle it. I just don't want to have to i wish he'd just go ahead and come in here and say something shitty so i can put "an end" to it right from the very start.
I worked for one of the big 6
I worked for one of the big 6 accounting firms as an admin for quite some time, so I know a little of how you're organized work-wise.
If you can, the best way to handle him is to give him ZERO reward for being aggressive towards you.
So when he starts behaving in a way that you don't want to see continuing forever use a three-step process:
1. Without showing emotion, stare into his 'third eye'. That is a perfect blank stare. By not making eye contact, you are keeping yourself from getting sucked into his drama. It is a way of showing that you are not interested. If he calls you on it, say, "I'm not comfortable hearing about people's personal stuff at work." (Because all his BS is 100% personal. Does not belong at work.)
2. When he gets personal - like cussing you out - again without showing emotion, pick up your things and go back to your desk. If he calls you on it, say, "I've got work to do at my desk. Let me know when you're ready to get started (on whatever he needed you to be in his office for)."
3. When he gets physical - like the slamming the phone down or anything that alarms you - same thing. No emotion, exit the situation. If asked about it, say , "I've got work to do at my desk. Let me know when you're ready to get started."
All of this is to show him that:
1. He won't intimidate you.
2. You won't waste your time indulging his temper tantrums.
3. His issues are not your problem.
It's basically how to handle a kid swearing... you ignore it so they learn not to bother.
Actually, I guess I can also
Actually, I guess I can also add that it's crazy-hard to keep your own personality out of it. Hopefully he'll be 'trained' in a couple of months and you can be nice to him. But he might never appreciate it, so I'd keep my true nice-ness toned down. Those kinds of people can be so petty, and don't understand 'bigger person' kind of conduct. It's just not in their dictionaries.
oh thank you so much for
oh thank you so much for this!!! the steps !! haha
My friend that works with him did say "he feeds off of upsetting people" so I really can't get too upset but I Don't want to be walked over either I have no problem being like " do you want me to turn the camera off now? I think that's enough of your tantrum to show (big boss)"
but you're right feeding it in any way will be more exhausting ha I will try my best to not feed his craziness
People like that are vultures
People like that are vultures looking to prey on people like you. They suck up all the niceness and friendliness and basic human empathy and spit it out as venomous angry SHIT. And if you get sucked into it you end up feeling venomous and angry and shitty and behaving that way too. Of course.
Practice the blank stare on SS.
yes! I will I will practice
yes! I will I will practice and practice and try not to lose it on him and also try to not be nice and friendly.
I used to call it my
I used to call it my 'armour'. My nice suit, nice hair and makeup, conservative, professional, a bit formal... and never let them see me sweat.
Can't keep it up for long... if I had to do it full time at work, I'd be wiped every day. But it will pass.
Oh, btw, I should tell you - when you start doing this, he will act up even worse for a while. After all, his bad behaviour has been getting results all this time, so he figures, he'll just do more of it to get results. But it's like on SuperNanny - he just has to learn that you make the rules. He'll get it, but first he'll ramp it up. Expect it, and act like it's not even on your radar.
(Talking about Mr. BSC AND SS
lol)