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School events and BMs

bjc26's picture

Submitted by bjc26 on Thu, 02/04/2010 - 12:34pm

So a few weeks ago my husband decided to "open the lines of communication" with his ex wife. SD11 and SS8 hadn't heard from this woman or seen her for 6 years, partly because the court mandated that she couldn't and partly because she sorta gave up. Either way it's a delicate situation. So my husband shows up at the doorstep of BM's grandmother's house (the kid's great grandmother), at 5 am on a Sunday morning because he "feels bad" for the kids. He didn't discuss this with me first so I'm still a little upset about that. Partly because I wasn't ready to start the drama with the ex-wife and partly because I sorta thought that it'd come as some sort of shock to the kids, seeing as how they haven't had ANY contact with this woman for 6 years. Whatever, what's done is done. The perdictiment I'm feeling is regarding school functions. The kids have only seen their mom 1 time since the beginning of Jan. and there's a visit planned in 2 weeks, and they've only talked to her 3 or 4 times on the phone. SD11 is in basketball which just started the first of this month, I feel bad about not inviting this woman to be there but at the same time I really don't want her there. Call that selfish or whatever but I just don't want to deal with. The kids will be having a spring program at the end of the school year....do we invite her to that? If so how do I go about discussing this with my husband and his mom? His mom doesn't like his ex-wife and my husband told me that he doesn't want to invite her to school functions at all. But he's the one that "opened the lines of communication." So I'm just not sure what to do. Any suggestions?

Comments

stepmom008's picture

Submitted by stepmom008 on Thu, 02/04/2010 - 12:40pm

I think you and DH need to sit down and discuss a.) the fact that he did this without any input from you and b.) what you both expect to come from this situation and how to deal with things. Plus the kids are old enough that they should probably have some input too.

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Thu, 02/04/2010 - 2:37pm

I think you should stay out of it. Let him and the kids figure out what to include her to. That is their call.

stepmom2one's picture

Submitted by stepmom2one on Thu, 02/04/2010 - 5:43pm

Since she has not been apart of their lives for so long I would leave it up to the kids. They might want her there, you never know.

StepChicka's picture

Submitted by StepChicka on Thu, 02/04/2010 - 3:13pm

He should have consulted you but he didn't. Probably because he knew you didn't want him contacting BM. Which still isn't right. He should have and you probably woudn't have been near as upset about this if you didn't hear about it after the fact. I would talk to him about communicating better and not being afraid if you don't agree with things. You'll work out a compromise and all feelings will be taken into account.

Unfortunately for you and DH, once the floodgates are open,BM is allowed to go to all events pertaining to her children. You guys don't have a say on what you want or not want her envolved in. Unless she's a bat out of hell. then their would be restraining orders. I don't think that's the case here.

From what it sounds like, BM is quite humbled by not having her kids around her. She knows somewhere along the line she screwed up as a parent. Most mom's don't have their kids taken from them let alone lose a custody battle.

In the end its what is best for the kids. Usually it means having all parents involved--that means you too Smile not just BM and Dad. Do you think it would be better for them to know their biological mother? What harm would she do?