Blowout with SD29 ends in "no more seeing granddaughter"!
SD has verbally abused and manipulated DH for many years. Four years ago she had a child by a man who went back to his wife and and left her a single mother. He has nothing to do with his daughter. More and more SD is using GD to get what she wants from DH. She is also a drama queen who must have a social life with a lot of attention from anyone and everyone. This leads to a necessity for her to have GD stay overnight at GP's homes nearly every weekend. This past weekend we planned to take out SD, SS and GD for dinner and agreed to watch GD for a 2-3 hours while she went to visit a friend in ICU? Didn't know you could visit ICU if you weren't family? Anyway, she informed us that wouldn't be good enough GD HAD to spend the night. DH said no, that wouldn't work for us, but we could watch her to allow time to visit the friend. She wasn't getting what she wanted, so she told GD loudly with DH on the phone that she CAN'T go to GF & SGM house! Implying that we didn't want to see her. She threated my DH on the phone accused him of being a s--t GP and not caring! My DH just leased her a new car so they would have reliable transportation, we took them on vacation this past summer and paid for everything, she always gets a good amount of money for B-day and Christmas, she tells us exactly what to buy GD for Christmas and Birthday at a price of no less than $100,I took GD to swimming lessons once a week during summer for 5 weeks and watched her for an entire week while her sitter was on vacation. We do a lot for both of them...I was so very hurt by her comments to GD, and moreover concerned for GD feelings thinking we don't want to see her. I couldn't take anymore and called to tell her my feelings, that I hope it's worth hurting her daughter's feelings to get what she wants.
She told me "you don't call me out"! She proceeded to viciously, in no uncertain terms, tell me I am out of her life FOREVER!! She emailed my husband scathing, nasty, and profane things to say about me. He said he couldn't even let me see them or tell me, but that she will no longer be allowed to threaten and disrespect us anymore. I'm upset, but also relieved to have said what I did so we can stop letting her take advantage of DH and treat me like a second-class citizen who must not interfere with her manipulation of my DH.
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Bface - she sounds like a
Bface - she sounds like a piece of work! She will probably be back when she needs a babysitter. And of course, she won't apologize, I'm guessing she'll act like nothing has happened. It's sad. I think when people use grandchildren against the grandparents, it's one of the most disgusting and lowest things a person could do.
I'm sorry...
Well, when emotions and love
Well, when emotions and love for a GD are involved it's not easy to maintain
your cool when it gets as bad as it's ever been. Not to mention, she is hurting her daughter! DH has decided to let her know we will not be available when she calls for a "babysitter", but we will take her somewhere and spend time with her on our terms. If she declines, I guess we'll have to hold our ground. I'll mention the respect topic with my husband though, that's a good point. It seems as though she needs to be informed...
I have to ask sueu2, do you
I have to ask sueu2, do you have GC? This little one is loved by both of us and won't stand a chance if she is only exposed to the shallow, hurtful and vicious behavior of her mother. BGM lets her do anything she wants and gives her whatever she wants. Calmness will prevail from our side, but I'm not counting on it from SD. I don't want to use her child, not out of fear, but a belief that two wrongs will not make it right and it's not GD's fault her mother is a mean spirited drama queen 24/7...
My husband often makes
My husband often makes comments that GD doesn't stand a chance, and I agree. He is being realistic when he says it, and I hope he means it. I do know of one situation when my best friend's nephew respectfully asked to live with his GP's and worked to get his life together in spite of his situation. This is a rare thing, I know.
I don't want to get divorced, but if it means my self-respect and emotional and physical well-being, so be it. I appreciate the information and will look into the books. Thanks,Step Aside.
Thank you Sick, I agree using
Thank you Sick, I agree using grandchildren or children devalues them as individuals.
Idk what he rest of the story
Idk what he rest of the story is- how long have you been married, her parents been divorced, etc. But sounds to me like she is using her daughter to get what she wants just like maybe her bm used her to get what she needed from dh? So just like bm did that as long as she could, sd will do the same thing as long as you let her. You guys will never have the relationship with gd that you want unless sd grows up and stops being manipulative. Yes, it will hurt he child but that is her mom's choice. One day the child will grow up and wonder why mom never let her know her gd more. Don't play sd games but still try to keep a relationship wih gd as much as possible. Sounds like all the same problems ncp have with thir kids only in this case the 'bm' is the sd and the 'skid' is the grandkid.
They have been divorced about
They have been divorced about 10 years. We married 2 yrs ago Dec. BM got pregnant and DH did the "right" thing and married her and became a good provider. I don't know that she had to use the kids, he got BM's credit rating up after she filed BK. She had her own spending $ from her job and he paid for most everything else. BM rarely disciplined the kids and they got everything money could buy. That is all SD thinks about, she never reads to GD, which she loves. She is discouraged to learn the alphabet. GD got yelled at and threatened by SD throughout the entire vacation. She took her in the restroom and "beat her butt" a minimum of 3 times. GD came out with tears in her eyes, but kept her mouth shut and behaved the way SD wanted her to. SD was on the cell texting every chance she got, and told GD to shut up whenever she was on it in the car. It was very hard on both DH and myself. It's very sad, but SD mom's choices are going to make GD's life a hard one.
Thank you for your words of
Thank you for your words of support smtotheloveofmylife, so needed now b/c I am scared. My family never operated this way. I was an only child and grateful for everything my parents did for me. I couldn't imagine telling my M or D to F--- Off. this is a regular "thing" in their arguements. I broke my engagement to my husband for a while because I saw the power his children had over him. He wouldn't let me go and promised they wouldn't be running his life anymore. That promise was short lived when we started to connect with GD more after we were married.
Not likely, ck out reply to
Not likely, ck out reply to tx mommy. This woman goes to war with people and fights to the death. She doesn't keep boyfriends or even friends around too long. She has a wicked tongue and has burned many bridges. She belongs on Springer b/c she frightens me as much as the people on that show do!
You are very wise for a
You are very wise for a twentysomething, no offense about age, but many 20's are still in party mode or "clueless". I also was on my own after college, my dad died when I was 20 and I had to go on my own as my mother ruled with an iron fist and most likely wanted me out anyway!
My DH is in the car business
My DH is in the car business as a finance manager. He said three years of $200 a month payments to re-establish credit and the buy-out is hers to take over. I sure hope that is the case, if not, things have not changed and we're probably divorced.
I don't know, it's a Toyota,
I don't know, it's a Toyota, and she'll probably trash that too. Or she'll want a new vehicle in three years, after all isn't she entitled?! My Mazda is paid off and I've had it for 8 years. Her Nissan was just a few years old and falling apart. Disgusting!