Feeling alone
Isn't one suppose to feel like they are one of the most important people in your relationship whether there is a child/children involved? I get the fact that most people don't want to put anyone before their children but since we are married doesn't that suppose to change. I'm not trying to compete to be in a number one spot. I just want to feel like the love is still there & we need to make time for us & not that it always have to be about the family & what the family doing.
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That's exactly how I would
That's exactly how I would like it to be I'm not trying to take away anything from SD but it's like hello I'm over here you remember me your wife.
If you are in a relationship
If you are in a relationship and you don't feel important, that is a problem. I am not saying that your needs and wants will always be put first or that the children's needs will always be put 2nd. In all families, there are going to be competing needs and compromises. However, unless there are extenuating circumstances, you shouldn't always have your needs come behind all the other family members' needs.
Why exactly do you think there is a problem and have you talked with your SO?
We have talked & talked many
We have talked & talked many of times. My mate just doesn't seem to get it. All I asked is that you take my side every now & then when there is a issue between me & SD instead he takes her side all the time. I feel he caters to SD more than my needs especially when one of fall ill. I want to spend more alone time but he gives excuses to why we can't because we don't have a sitter in which he has siblings that can watch he just doesn't ask or because SD is so attached that she doesn't want to go any where but with us or with him. I just want him to put his foot down sometimes & make time me & her alone & then we can all have that family time. I don't mind that but give me something. I want to get the romance back. It has left the building at this point.
"I feel he caters to SD more
"I feel he caters to SD more than my needs especially when one of fall ill."
You haven't mentioned how old SD is. I think you may find that a child will be more catered to when ill vs an adult. Again, it depends upon the illness too right? I mean, the kid is puking and feverish and you are having a headache. Well, he may feel the need to nurture a child, but feel like an adult can handle herself?
"he takes her side all the time".
If this is someone you went into a relationship with that you feel like loves and cares for you, why do you think he would do that? Without examples, it's hard to completely understand what is going on. Maybe you are going into this with the thought in your head that you are StepMother BossyPants? You are trying to step in and be the girl's mother and disciplinarian and you are doing it in a way that your SO doesn't agree with. If it's that kind of thing, you need to talk with SO ALONE and ask what role he wants you to play with the child and get on the same page regarding expectations.
You want to spend alone time.
You say he could ask others to watch her but maybe he doesn't want to bother others to make them go out of their way or overuse the offers? Maybe the child is very young and attached because her parents split up and he is trying to be there for her and reassure her that despite the fact that YOU are in the picture he isn't tossing her over for you.
If the child is young, then certainly she must go to bed earlier than you and your SO? why not try to plan some romance things for after she goes to bed? Maybe talk to your SO about the fact that you feel that romance fled the building and you miss it and him. Ask him for suggestions on how you can do this. Does the child ever go with the BM? If so, that would be a great time to plan right?
I guess it's kind of hard to give good advice when we don't know the exact particulars of what is happening to make you feel this way. It's hard to know if your needs/wants are reasonable or even possible. Bottom line though is that if you are in a relationship with someone, you have to be able to tell them if you are feeling neglected like this. Then LISTEN to their response. If they don't care enough to help you feel better and work out things, you are better off with someone else, and probably with someone without children from a prior relationship.
Lol hey I don't know what
Lol hey I don't know what happened to your post but thanks so much for the response. You are exactly right & that's exactly how I feel it should be. We have to both be happy in order for our family to be happy. I just wish he would see that way before it's too late