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My Stepchildren hate me

angelcraft's picture

Submitted by angelcraft on Tue, 05/30/2017 - 11:45am

I married 35 years ago - I met my husband while he was still married - His first wife died shortly after they
separated in an auto accident - he was left to raise 2 sons and 2 daughters - ages 15, 16, 17, and 18. One son
age 16 and one daughter, age 15 were in the accident that killed their mother - the daughter was severely injured
and has medical issues still from the accident. After the death, my husband and I married 4 years later - my step
children still do not accept me, as I was the other woman, in their father's life. I have tried over the years to
be their friend, helped them multiple times as well as their children with financial issues, etc.

Anyone have a situation similar to mine?

Comments

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Tue, 05/30/2017 - 12:45pm

I'm sure they have also figured out a way to factor in some blame for their mother's death too. Mom wouldn't be dead if you were still together dad...

After 35 years, they aren't going to change their mind. I would let their dad have whatever relationship he wants and when you have to make some concessions and spend time alone while he visits with them.. well, that's a bit of penance for getting involved with a married man I guess.

Actions do have consequences. It might have been nice if they would forgive you, but with their mother gone, I think that may be a big ask and probably not realistic.

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Tue, 05/30/2017 - 12:01pm

I just can't see doing this to a parent. THIRTY FIVE years later??? I get being angry and wanting nothing to do with a woman who ruined your family, but to hold on to that for 35 years?? I'm guessing you and your husband have had a happy life if you've been together this long? So skids would rather have their father be alone or miserable with anyone else... as long as it is not you??

secret's picture

Submitted by secret on Tue, 05/30/2017 - 12:07pm

did you have an affair with him? Good luck getting out of that hatefest. The kids were old enough to realize what was going on... especially if the mom was talking openly about it.

In any case.... seems like you're saying that you met him when he was married, the mom died 4 years before you were married, and you have been married to this man for 35 years.... so the kids were 15, 16, 17, 18 when she died...which was 39 years ago... so the kids are now 54, 55, 56, amd 57?

I'd assume you're then in your late 60s or 70s... just drop the brats. They don't have to like you. You don't need them to.

Enjoy life with your husband.

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Tue, 05/30/2017 - 12:32pm

Sure you were the other woman but that was 35 years ago. Shit happens.

But if they have hated you this whole time nothing is going to change. Forget about them, focus on your own life and marriage.

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Wed, 05/31/2017 - 2:06am

THis thousand times over....

you owe these brats nothing, disengage from them and enjoy your life with your husband - read the Adult steps forum

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Tue, 05/30/2017 - 12:48pm

I'm just curious.. does your DH have a relationship with these middle age babies? I'm assuming most or all have had weddings and have kids, so does DH have relationship with grandskids? How do holidays and family events and such work? Does DH do his own thing and exclude you?

secondplace's picture

Submitted by secondplace on Tue, 05/30/2017 - 1:26pm

Are you sure that is why the children won't accept you - have they told you this?

Sometimes they just don't like you because you are the stepmother......period.

And, if anyone on this board has a situation similar to yours, they aren't about to advertise it here - the ladies here haven't been very kind to those that have been involved in the failure of someone else's marriage.

I'm with some of the others - it's been 35 years already - get over it! Obviously you have been with their father longer than their mother was.

TexasPickles's picture

Submitted by TexasPickles on Thu, 06/01/2017 - 7:14am

This. After 35 years things aren't going to change. Go to the adult stepchildren board on this forum and read up on disengagement. Protect yourself financially and emotionally. Have you tried going to counseling for yourself?