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It's not even a step thing...

AllySkoo's picture

Submitted by AllySkoo on Wed, 03/04/2015 - 8:55am

So yesterday we get a call that BS5 (in Kinder) has been misbehaving on the bus and not listening to the bus monitor. After dinner, DH and I sit down to talk to him. DH points out to him (OUR bio, no step situation with this kid) that "if you get kicked off the bus, Mommy is going to have to take you to school and pick you up."

:jawdrop:

WTF? We BOTH work. And while I do understand that you can't leave your job to go pick up our kid from school, neither can I. How on earth did you get from "I can't do this" to "which means Ally is going to have to do it"?!?!?! THIS, this is EXACTLY the crap mentality that SM's get stuck with. DH was pretty good about NOT doing that to me with the skids, so I'm sure as hell not going to put up with it now!

Me: "That's not even an option."
DH: "Well someone has to!"
Me: "Well WE would have to figure something out because I would get fired if I left work 2 hours early every day." (I did NOT point out that since I am the major breadwinner that MY job is a bit more essential than his. I felt very virtuous not pointing that out during our "discussion".)

GAH! I'm not even mad at him any more (mostly because he dropped it as soon as I pointed out that I most certainly would not be doing it), but the attitude is just.... GAH!

Comments

AllySkoo's picture

Submitted by AllySkoo on Wed, 03/04/2015 - 9:29am

I cannot TELL YOU how many times DH has issued a consequence that I then have to enforce. Drives. Me. BONKERS. I called him out on it, and he has been better.

I did threaten swift and severe consequences, so HOPEFULLY BS5 got the message. His birthday is coming up soon and he wants to have a party. He's been ridiculously excited, and making all sorts of plans for decorating and games and the cake and stuff. It's been cute. Smile So I told him that he WILL behave on the bus, sit still, listen, and apologize to the bus monitor for his recent behavior, or there will be no party. DH took him to the bus stop the morning, and he said BS5 DID apologize already, so hopefully the message sunk in!

silversong's picture

Submitted by silversong on Wed, 03/04/2015 - 10:55am

Yep. Moms are the "default" parent. Everything defaults to them first (generally speaking). I personally bring a lot of it on myself. I need to be better about relinquishing control sometimes.

Maxwell09's picture

Submitted by Maxwell09 on Wed, 03/04/2015 - 9:29am

Is that suppose to be threatening to your Bio? I mean I never liked riding the bus and when my brother got in trouble, my mom carpooled and we all road together BECAUSE we hated riding the bus. Your son wouldn't really care if you carpooled him or not so how is that a punishment for his actions? Your DH should give him consequences for misbehaving not get him out of trouble. Sounds more Disney parent than anything especially when he made YOU the bad guy that would bring him...if you could even say that because not letting a kid ride the bus is hardly a punishment

AllySkoo's picture

Submitted by AllySkoo on Wed, 03/04/2015 - 9:33am

Lol I don't think it was supposed to be "threatening" at all really. It was more an attempt to appeal to BS5's empathy. "See, if you do THIS, then it will affect your mother and you don't want HER to get in trouble for leaving work, right?" At least that's how I read it. Of course, appealing to the poorly developed empathy of a 5 year old boy about something vague like "leaving work" is NOT going to work. He just doesn't at all understand why it would be a bad thing, since Mommy is pretty happy to get home from work every day.

AllySkoo's picture

Submitted by AllySkoo on Wed, 03/04/2015 - 9:53am

Oh he totally didn't. He looked confused by what DH was saying, not contrite. Lol

I love my DH, and he actually is a pretty good dad most days, but every now and then he seems to forget that what works with the skids (who are all at least nominally adults now) is NOT what works with a five year old!