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How to deal with 17 year old spoiled brat.

ally2222's picture

Submitted by ally2222 on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 9:26pm

My boyfriends son is destroying this relationship. How on earth does one deal with an almost adult that is prone to temper tantrums. I have never seen a teenager behave like this. Me and my son are feeling it but dad just keeps giving to this brat. Just got a car. My issue today him having his girlfriend sleep over through the week. I wouldn't allow this for my own kids. I relented and said I would deal with week ends but apparently I don't get a say, he had her stay over last night. So my boyfriend and I have had a rather big fight again tonight. Any thoughts?

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dontcallmestepmom's picture

Submitted by dontcallmestepmom on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 10:26pm

My DH's kids are 19, 20, and 23. They always throw tantrums. My DH does not react to it. It is disgusting. This is what they did when they were younger. BM would give them candy or a small toy when they did it. They learned to use the tantrums to their benefit. DH would get upset, and then BM would tell the kids their dad was mean. Then it progressed to their dad was an *******. My MIL gave in, too. The result is 3 young adults who have no clue.

Eventually, your boyfriend will not be able to give his son something, and the kid will really freak out.

Be careful, because this kid may never leave home.

And the girlfriend staying over...NO WAY.

dontcallmestepmom's picture

Submitted by dontcallmestepmom on Fri, 10/26/2012 - 6:57am

I hear you.

My DH does not have a whole lot of money, but when his older son was living with him, DH would get him fast food, clothes, etc. Nothing extravagant, but enough to keep the kid happy. This was the stage where DH was trying to "make up" for BM being such a loon. The other 2 kids did not move in with DH, but DH was also handing them cash,gave them cell phones,etc. When I met DH, he was nearly going broke from this. It was nuts.

Then, one day, DH's older son met a girl. From the beginning, it was obvious the girl was nice, but did not consider my DH's son as boyfriend material. She TOLD DH's son this. But, DH's son could not grasp this. Why should he? Mommy had always told him he could do and get what he wanted, and DH was coddling him. But, they could not make this girl want to date their son. When DH's son finally figured this out, he went crazy. Screamed and raged. Then he focused on me. Prior to this, he had been distant and odd, but not directly rude. He became OBNOXIOUS and nasty. Demanded that DH stop seeing me. That did not work, so he concocted this elaborate scheme to make DH think he was suicidal. I saw right through that, and so did the psychiatrist. But, it almost broke us up. DH's son wound up moving back with BM.

All 3 of DH's kids hate me, and they blame me for no longer getting money-DH stopped that. They want to move in here, and they blame me because we won't allow it. They just cannot understand why the world is not "working for them."

This will happen with your boyfriend's son, and it is going to affect your bf. Because he is going to spend so much energy trying to please his son, and when the day comes that he cannot-watch out.

ally2222's picture

Submitted by ally2222 on Fri, 10/26/2012 - 1:16pm

Oh my bf has a really good job and with me here paying half the mortgage bills. There is no end to what this kid gets. Did I mention that my bf will not even acknowledge my son. It's all about his golden boy. The real kicker is I sold my house to move into this hell. I put all my money down on it and I actually own more of it then he does. All I have asked is he speaks says hello to my son. Sad

MarriedaBallessWonder's picture

Submitted by MarriedaBalless... on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 10:30pm

I hope you DH doesn't mind being a grandpa soon.

Common sense should tell him this is a very bad idea. =0(

ally2222's picture

Submitted by ally2222 on Thu, 10/25/2012 - 11:50pm

Thanks for your feedback. His dad supplies the condoms. No common sense where this kid is concerned!

MarriedaBallessWonder's picture

Submitted by MarriedaBalless... on Fri, 10/26/2012 - 12:07am

Whoa. :jawdrop:

What is the age of consent where you live? How old is the gf? If she is 16 the State could see it as statutory rape - even if she consents.

It's just a bad idea all the way around.

ally2222's picture

Submitted by ally2222 on Fri, 10/26/2012 - 1:21am

His girlfriend is either 16 or 17. In Canada age of consent is 16. Apparently doesn't bother her mother either. I just don't get it!

ctnmom's picture

Submitted by ctnmom on Fri, 10/26/2012 - 7:01am

Gross about the GF. :sick: But you started your post w/ the boy is destroying your relationship. He is not. Your BF is. And NO FUCKING WAY unmarried people would sleep together under my roof, esp. if I had minor kids afoot! :jawdrop:

ally2222's picture

Submitted by ally2222 on Fri, 10/26/2012 - 1:36pm

I have a ring, just not sure what it means anymore! Made the decision to cop out over the last few days

goincrazy.com's picture

Submitted by goincrazy.com on Fri, 10/26/2012 - 12:16pm

Yea, before I was around when FDH was divorced and bought his own house, he was going out alot etc. so SD20 (SD16) at the time would come to stay at daddies house bc BM and her didn't get along and daddy wasn't around much so she stayed there. SD16 had her boyfriend over and he began staying the night (FDH allowed this I guess :? and was out living life as a new single)

What do you know????? SD16 got pregnant and had baby boy right after she turned 17.........and another one at 19.

Guess who is still livin at daddies house with her 2 kids??? Yup, SD20 and bf is long gone.

I understand your position bc I"m in the same boat but I would do everything I could to put my foot down or give him an ultimatum. My situation is not how ANY ONE would want to live. I gave him an ultimatum and we came to an agreement which isn't ideal but I understood his part as well. SD and her kids are out in May as soon as school is done and are NEVER to live with us again.

I doubt this helps you but as others have said she WILL get pregnant and you will be in my situation- hating to come home everyday, never peace and quiet or privacy and worst of all having to sit back and watch horrendous parenting and fighting with your bf about it. Even if you try to offer suggestions and what not bc you can't stand how he/she parents they ignore you anyway bc what do you know?? You are just dads girlfriend.............

FML

ally2222's picture

Submitted by ally2222 on Fri, 10/26/2012 - 9:51pm

Thanks for all the help sorting my issue out. I called my bf's mom tonight and we had a rather long discussion. She knows exactly how her grandson behaves and she says it's his father's fault. Just like you all thought. I told her my issue with 17 year old gf staying over. Grandma agrees with me. She said it's your home if she sleeps over go downstairs and ask her to leave immediately. If she doesn't call the police and have them remove her. I have decided to take her advice. Spoke to my bf he told me I would have to be the one to tell his son. I said I don't have a problem with that. Nothing makes you feel more powerful then a MIL on your side. Looking forward to being told to f off. On a funny note the spoiled brat had a temper tantrum and moved out tonight. Took his car that he doesn't pay for. Not my issue so left that one alone. I will say something directly to him if issue effects my son or i. Thanks again