New here - having a hard time!
Hello everyone! Hoping to find some support and/or advice here. The last few weeks have been really difficult.....
Backstory: I'm 49 (turning 50 in September). No kids of my own - on purpose, never wanted to be pregnant or be a full-time mom.
When I met my partner I had been single(ish) for almost a decade and lived by myself in a house in an urban setting. I had a full and very active social life. He lived about an hour away (which typically would have been too far) and has two kids (which typically would have been a deal-breaker), but I fell in love with him AND his kids and next thing you know I moved in.
When that happened, the custody schedule was that his kids were there every other weekend and after school for dinner. At the time they were 7(SS) and 11(SD) but now are 12 and 16. His relationship with his ex was really bad before I cam around but over the years it has mellowed somewhat.
Over the last few months leading up to COVID and stay-at-home orders, it became obvious that SD could no longer live with her mother full time - they were fighting constantly, SD was depressed and self-harming, etc.
He and I talked it out and even though I was VERY apprehensive we decided that she should live with us full time and switch the visitation so that she was at her mom's every other weekend. SS would keep the same schedule as before. Well, the weekend after she moved in they canceled school, and she has refused to talk to her mom. Which means SHE NEVER LEAVES.
Partner and I were already dealing with our own relationship stuff (I'm full-on in menopause and my sex drive is nil, I'm lonely a lot because I don't see my friends very often, I feel like I do all the work in the house, etc.). We are also not great at communication when it comes to the big stuff - we both hate conflict. We had scheduled an appt with a couples therapist but that got put on hold too.
Over the last 8 weeks we have had a total of 4 hours alone in the house together. I have had ZERO time alone. I have done almost all the shopping and the meal prep and the clean up etc.
I'm feeling INCREDIBLY resentful and angry and trapped - and there is no end in sight. There's nowhere for SD to go, we can't leave her alone, the ex is refusing to make any effort to mend the mother/daughter relationship, I can't go see my friends or family due to exposure concerns.....the list goes on.
I have my own therapist, which is helpful, but I still feel like I want to run away and be alone for a week.
Which, you know, isn't really possible right now.
Anyway - I guess I just don't know how much of this is just temporary and how much is unrelated to the pandemic.
Thanks for reading and any feedback you might have! 
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Comments
One bright note
When i started reading your blog, i thought, "another mini'wife" but I don't see you talking about that dynamic, so that's a positive. And, this girl is 16 so hopefully, only 2 more years. Sounds like just too much together time plus you unable to get out for your normal activities. I understand about the need for alone time, i need that, too. What short-term bandaids are available til counseling ( which helped me immensely)? Walks? Setting up a zone in your house thst's just yours? Zoom contact with your friends? I'm sure the other posters will have ideas. Are people talking to you too much? I once said, " Darlin', my ears are tired". Here's hoping this quarantine time is over soon.
Yeah I think (hope) it's just
Yeah I think (hope) it's just situational but it's so hard to tell. I do take walks and try to have alone time in the house but it's small and crowded and there's not really a whole ton of privacy. I have been doing Zooms with my girlfriends but it seems like all we talk about is the pandemic and how it has effed everything up for everyone and I often get off the call feeling worse than when I got on.
Counseling takeaway
When i went to therapy, one of the big takeaways was the importance of more one-on-one time with DH. We had 5 active kids in the house so it seemed impossible but my counselor said he didn't care if all we did was take a walk alone together each night. We managed to do more than that but it really had quite a positive effect.
I get it with your SD being that tricky age, ugh, i remember that, the armpit of youth. It's almost worse than when they are toddlers, that babysitting aspect when you are monitoring for the boys & booxe.
Do you live in a place where
Do you live in a place where you can get some fresh air, by yourself? If I remember back to being 16 I liked being by myself too - something you may have in common with her without realizing it. She might love to have two solid hours without anyone walking past her.
If you can’t go for a long, brisk walk to distract yourself from this terrible isolation, leaving for a lonnnnnng drive somewhere might help. Crank some music and just hit the road.
We are all going insane and you are not alone.
Tell all your friends and family not to be idiots so we can go back to normal ASAP.