Help, what shall I do if / when she (SD) comes back?
One of the SD had a boyfriend and she had not come for a few months and now that they had split up, she is now going to come back. I don't know what to do, it will be twice the trouble again. I am so helpless because I know it is her right to come back and I have no right to stop it. I could not stand her at all, she is very disrespectful, very selfish, very ungrateful,very lazy and so full of herself. It's very hard because I have to adjust to the situation again, I have nowhere to go, my family and friends are so far away. I have no doubt she will bring home troubles again and once again test my patince and sanity. :O
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How old is your SD?If she
How old is your SD?If she wants to come back there should be terms she ethier shapes up or she finds somewhere else to stay.how does your DH feel?Have you spoken to him about your feelings?
Thank you for responding, it
Thank you for responding, it really means a lot to me.
She is 17, the reason why she did not come and see us all the time she was with her boyfriend is because she did not like the fact that her father did not allow her to have a boyfriend as she was caught doing nasty stuff with him and their friends. She lives at her mother's and her mother gives her the freedom to do what she had wanted. She will only be coming 2 days a week which I suppose is not very long but it's my day off and I wanted to spend quality time with my husband without me having to put up with her attitude. It's sickening to watch her lying down the sofa (while everyone is busy doing chores), living the kitchen in a mess and her bedroom a tip. Most likely she will fight with her sister and the whole time is just not pleasant to be in the house.
My husband has been getting constant messages from her mother about him losing his daughter if he doesn't lossen up with her. She always accuse us of not wanting her (to be honest I wish she can see herself so she can see for herself why she would not be wanted). My husband is just in the same situation as me, he doesn't look forward for her coming back either but what can he do she is her daughter. I never confront her or tell her about feelings to her attitude, I just lock myself in the bedroom to have some peace and quite. Because I know when I open my mouth I will just be giving her the reason to be nasty to me directly. The sad thing is she is such a liar, she will tell her mother things that really have not happened. Then her mother with no doubt will take the chance to have a go at my husband and it upsets me so much. It really is not easy, I am expected to do what a mother do but then they will constantly do things to remind me that I am not their mother. I have been very honest to my husband about my feelings but then, I realise it is his children I am talking about and I can see it does hurt him. That is why I really am glad I have found this website where i can let it go without the guilt feeling that I have upset them.
You sound a lot like me
You sound a lot like me Alexa. My boyfriend has a 17 year old daughter and she is all the things you said your SD is. When she comes over I also lock myself up in the bedroom because I can't even have a conversation with my boyfriend without her telling us to shut up. When you find the answers let me know because I am at a loss too.
It is sad StillSearching, I
It is sad StillSearching, I always find it unfair....good kids gets nasty stepmothers...while good stepmothers gets nasty step kids. I will surely let you know if I get the answer. Sometimes I just console myself by thinking, if this is not my problem it will be something else and even worst.
What I would do in that
What I would do in that situation is tell hubby that unless she can follow the rules the two of you lay down she is not welcome back.it sounds to me like her BM is more a friend than a mother.In thelong run she will eventually understand why we have rules and disapline.
I know it hurts your Dh but sometimes they need to hear it to undersatnd their perfect angels aren't so perfect.
I am so afraid of SD coming
I am so afraid of SD coming back here as well. But, I have made arrangements that if she does, I move out while she is here. I am not spending time in my room again hiding. You need to set some rules and find places to go while she is there. BM is like ours and believes DH micromanages because he doesn't want her dating. She was 13 years old when BM told her to lie to her Dad about dating...
Good luck and find somewhere else to go when she is there for your own sanity. As for the mess, set up rules and have DH enforce them.
Thank you so much for your
Thank you so much for your messages...it really does lighten up the weight.
You are correct her mother wants to be a friend, she tries so hard to be one becuase in the past they have not had a good relationship because her kids does not like her husband, but we helped this kids to realise that one day they will be moving out and they will leave their mother, so it is to your advantage knowing that there is somebody looking after her. But now that they are teenagers they are doing things they should not be doing just because the believe they are already adults and know what they are doing. Her mother let them do what they want and when they have done something wrong she sends them to us to sort them out and then she would not give us the support to continue the discipline and when the kids tells her that they have to do chores and have o go to bed early, she will have a go at my husband for being so tough on the girls...
They are capable of following the house rules only for a day but the next day it's all forgotten and then my husband has to keep telling them again and again...which another thing that annoys me...the contant repitation...
I am just glad that she did not get pregnant, i would not know what to do then if that happens, i am pretty sure that her mother would not be able to cope with that so she will just pass it on to us.