Something Odd
I've been trying to make heads or tails of this.
At lunch on Saturday, DH went to sit down and SD ran to sit in his seat. He sighed, and went to switch seats, when she ran to sit in that one. We both believe in teaching appropriate behavior at a young age. We also practice the 3 strikes rule. I said from my seat, "SD, stealing someone else's chair is rude. Please sit in your seat and allow Daddy to sit in his. That's 1." DH went to sit down in his original seat, and SD ran over and sat in his seat. DH gently pulled her out of it and sat down. "That's 2. It's rude to steal someone else's seat, do it again and you'll be in trouble." He meant time out. SD's face crumbled, "No hit, no hit!". DH and I weren't confused by this, I saw BM "disciplining" SD a few weeks back and it involves grabbing her by the arm, holding her up so she can't run, and smacking her back, side, butt, and legs repeatedly (this was for knocking over a soda in GBM's car).
Once DH got her calmed down, I pulled SD to the side. "SD, honey, you're too old and smart for being hit here. You'll get a time out if you misbehave but I promise I won't ever hit you, nor will your Daddy." She was very confused by this. "I too smart?" "Yep, you understand words like "Time out" and "No" so there isn't any reason to spank you when I could talk to you about not doing what's getting you in trouble." "Okay Mommom, you no hit, I no steal chair." "Deal"
I can't understand how BM can think it's okay...
If I see her hitting SD again, should I speak up?
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Comments
No, she can discipline her
No, she can discipline her kid however she sees fit, and a spanking is not child abuse. How would you feel if she barged into your home and told you how you would or wouldn't parent a child? I wouldn't touch that one with a 10 foot pole.
A spank is a spank, but
A spank is a spank, but holding a small child up by the arm is painful on it's own, let alone smacking ALL over her body on top of that.
And she wasn't barging into BM's home to tell her how to parent her kid, she was explaining to her SD that because she understands time out, in THEIR home she won't be getting hit. Which they have every right to parent the way they see fit in their own home.
She was hitting her in MY
She was hitting her in MY front lawn. NOT her house. And it isn't spanking. Trust me, I know spanking. Spanking is a swift smack to the butt, sometimes a few depending on the child's age. This was five or six smacks to her back, side, legs, and butt. BM did it in anger, not discipline. DH was bothered by it as well.
If you feel something isn't
If you feel something isn't right, more than likely it's not. I would say something especially when it happened on your property. To me it wouldn't matter if DH agreed or not. I don't speak up to agree with people, I speak up when I see a wrong. I have said things to strangers before about their "disciplining" a child in my view. Hey if they want to act like an idiot in public then they should be able to take the public's opinion about their actions. This happened once in a department store where the mother yanked a toddler by the arm and smacked him on the butt and legs repeatedly. I told the woman to calm down and took her arm off the boy. She burst into tears, I don't think she even knew how she was acting. I understood she was at her wits end but this wasn't going to help matters. I was lucky it went this way and I know better to mess with other peoples' affairs, but as a mother I stepped in without thinking and I don't regret it.
SD is 3. BM was trying to put
SD is 3. BM was trying to put her in her carseat and she said she wanted to come give BD2 a hug goodbye. She jumped up and jumped into the driver's seat to climb out, spilling BM's soda in the process. DH caught her before she smacked face first into the ground. BM came around the car, grabbed her by the arm, pulled it up so SD was on tip toe, and hit her 5 or 6 times on the back, sides, legs, and finally once on her butt. SD was sobbing. They weren't "Don't do that again" smacks they were "How dare you embarrass me in front of your father" smacks. It was enough that I felt uncomfortable. (I spank. I'll admit to it. I don't spank anyone who is verbal though, because then they can understand and respond to me)