Well, good luck having SD in pre-school BM! She was transferred to the "Preschool Prep" class at our church. It's supposed to be for kids who will be going to preschool *next year* (as in, she was supposed to have already been in it). They do things like working on potty training, group activities, and story times. All the nursery classes give a report at the end of the day at our church. BD2 always gets a 4 or 5 (meaning she did good or great) and SD has never gotten lower than a 3.
Today her report had a 2 on it and apparently we almost got paged to come get her. She threw a fit when the teacher tried to get her to go potty. During the group activity (coloring a picture of a whale and gluing a paper Jonah to it) she stole the other kids crayons, threw them at a kid when he objected, started having a tantrum and was sent to time out. She got back out in time for story time. Instead of sitting like the other kids, she kept trying to get up and take the book away from the teacher. Her second strike, she went to time out again (and apparently threw a tantrum again).
Her nursery teacher was understanding when we said that we only had her 1 day a week and her mother doesn't discipline her.

So then we took her to dinner at DH's Aunt2's house with both his awesome aunts and uncles. Aunt1 doesn't put up with any sort of bad behavior from children over 2. We were all sitting down to eat. DH was to feed SD while I fed BD2. BD2 knows how to feed herself (I thought all 2 year olds did...) and begins mowing down on her carrots. DH fed SD a bite of ham (she refused to feed herself) then tried to feed her a bite of carrots (Strict rule of you have to eat at least 1 bite of everything in our family). SD whipped her head away and said "No, no carrots." I gave DH "the look" and said "No allergy, no excuse". DH told her to take a bite. "No, no carrots Daddy." DH tells her to eat her very small bite of carrot or she wouldn't get anymore food. SD started smacking her plate away SCREAMING "NO CARROTS!" and just about dumped it on the floor.
Aunt1 give me the look and says "I know your kids don't behave like this, but could you take care of that one?" and jerked her head toward SD3. I switched spots with DH and had a little heart to heart fear of the evil SM talk with SD. She took a bite of carrot, chewed it up, and spit it in my face. I told SD that she was just not going to get to eat dinner then. She could eat when she went home to her mother.
DH then asked me to change SD's diaper. Aunt1 turned to him and said "She didn't get to enjoy making her, she doesn't have to change her diaper!" Aunt2 agreed with her and added "If it was her kid she'd be potty trained by now!" DH turned bright red and changed SD's diaper. He got her changed back into BM's clothes (SD is in a size 7/8 and BM sends her in a 5T every week and never sends back our clothes when we send SD home in clothes that fit) and brought her home. He thought he'd talk to BM about her bad behavior.

1) She misbehaved at church: "Well, they must not have been nice to her." :? So they are nice to the rest of the class, but singled out SD? Sure BM.
2) She took a nap for us when BM claims she doesn't nap anymore. "Well she was up really late last night." How late? "Oh, about 3 ish. We were watching movies." Yup. Just like you do every other time we have a visit the next day.
3) She wouldn't eat her vegetables. "She doesn't like veggies, you should know that DH! How could you be mean to her and try to make her eat things she doesn't like?!" BM was MAD by this point and yelling this at him in our front yard.
4) He tried asking questions about her Pre-K stuff. Is she going in the morning or afternoon? Could he have a list of the school supplies? Was there an evening that he could go meet with the teachers? BM told him to mind his own business and slammed the car door.

DH is going up to FOC tomorrow. His Aunt said that she had had to go up there when her son was little because she had given custody to his dad in their divorce (her thought process had been that a boy needs his father and she didn't have a job to provide for him) and then his dad hadn't been parenting him (She described stuff similar to BM and SD) so she had said "Either give me custody or put him in foster care so he has a chance!" and they finally got how desperate she was. Lets hope they can do something for DH.