SD came home the next night. Should have seen the smirk on her face when she walked in the door. The reason she left....was because her dad and her had a conversation that morning before he left for work. She was telling him that she was going to have this guy come and pick her up and they were going to a hockey game....the rule always has been that we meet any friends before they do stuff with them. He told her no, because he had not met this "boy" yet, and he would be at work. That is why she got pissed and left.
Over a boy.

The tension, drama, and fighting that occurred that day and into the next was horrible. Yes, DH blamed me. That is how I saw it, heard it, and felt it. He still claims that he wasn't, and that he was just angry and he was just lashing out etc. I even had my teen son come in to my room and blame me for her leaving! Now that really hurt. He tells me that I am unfair to her....I tell him, "how am I unfair to her?" he says, "because she has tried to reach out to you", dumbfounded, I ask him, "well since you are in your room most of the time, how do you think she has reached out to ME?" He says, "she did your craft stuff with you, and she started reading the books you like"....I explain to him, "I am the one who asked her to do crafts with me, and I am the one who initiated the books." How does a kid get all this so twisted????? Those things he mentioned all came from ME reaching out to her, and those things were also way over a year ago.

Apparently she called my son when she was gone. Because he texted the "friend" she went to stay with (he is in drama club with her) and he told her he felt like a bad brother! The girls mom was concerned, and told SD to call him and let him know she was ok. !!+&$#@$ What?!! But this concerned mom could not call DH and let him know that they had his daughter and she was safe etc????!!! My son, thinks he is a bad brother to HER?! How about to the two real siblings he has???? I am beginning to think that is why she joined drama in the first place...to weasel her way in with him. It worked.

She is here to stay. Again. I don't know how much longer I can handle shit. I only just realized in the last few days, just how depressed I have really become. These issues have been ongoing for so long, and so many years, that I was just existing and I reached my breaking point. I have become angry. It has not been ok for me to feel anything for so long, or it is inconvenient, or it is ignored. I lost my ability to cope with the ongoing stress awhile back. I question my own sanity at times...wondering to myself...does she really do all this stuff? Or is it me? Am I overreacting, am I being unfair, am I being ridiculous?
That is how it has gone for at least three good years. I am so lost, and hurt, and sad. I don't feel like I can pull out of this by myself.

I told my DH that I would rather be dead than live in this hell anymore. He swears things will be ok. HOW? He has failed to do anything about her behavior up to this point....she already got her way by running away and you don't think she may try that again if she doesn't get her way???? I am sick and tired of being the bad guy. I was better to her than her own mother, and this is the thanks I get! She bad mouths me to complete strangers (so not the first time) and she comes out smelling like a rose. Every time. I don't even let my friends come around my home because of her. She inserts herself into conversations etc, and acts like she should be there getting to know them. She acts like she is so busy cleaning my house when others are around, and won't lift a finger to do that when no one can see her. I hold my friends at arms length because I don't want to have to explain the step child situation to them, because most people don't understand. Even when I tell them that she had a hand in ruining a 22 year friendship. I picked her over my friend of 22 years. I forgave her and not my old friend. I figured, well she is the kid, and my friend was the adult. I won't let that happen again, so I keep them at a safe distance.

I have to put myself out there again? I have to try again? I don't want to. I can't.