Hey, all! First time posting! I stumbled upon this website because I was trying to find content for my SD current circumstances.

Before I continue I am not in the mental health field and everything I saw is speculation based on a series of behavior patterns.

And, it should be said too that my husband is actually on board with most of my opinions and inferences about his daughter and we totally agree about his ex-wife, but I personally don't want him to think I'm always thinking and speaking negatively about his child. 

DH and I have been together for ten years and married for seven. He has two daughters; one that is 23, who doesn't talk to him, and one that is 21, who acts like a miniwife whenever she's around. She recently moved to another city  2 1/2 hours away with her BM to go to a nursing program. She currently comes once a month to stay for the weekend, friday through sunday, to work four hours on one saturday a month. Whenever she comes to visit, I get anxiety because she is a strong willed girl that if you say something to her in the wrong tone of voice, she has an attitude toward you.

Seeking advice. I’ve been with my DH for 4 years. I have 4 kids (11, 9, 8 & 5), he has 1 son (10). BM spoils him to the extreme to make sure she is the “favorite.” Buys him whatever he wants, takes expensive trips (DH and I cannot afford this and she knows that), picks up after him, indulges him.. (which he has told me and DH that we need to do for him as well. And he was quickly corrected that no, we do not). BM even sleeps in his bed with him at night (which honestly is a little weird to me).

BM messaged me today with a proposed Christmas holiday schedule. Actually, she messaged me to say she would be sending a proposed holiday schedule. Translation: she's sending us a copy of the only schedule she will accept without turning into a flaming c*nt. And of course she only sends it to me. Not DH. No, apparently I'm supposed to be the messanger. 

Cue a mini anxiety attack. Pounding heart. Shaky hands. Headache growing at the base of my skull. Something like adrenaline radiating in my chest. Fun stuff.

We are now in counseling. Well, at least I have started counseling. DH is still waiting for his referral to come through from my EAP but it should only be a couple of days. He is definitely on board and truly wants to make things better between us. The counselor is nice. Very engaging - not like the last one. We've only had one session but I think this is going to help.

Last week was a tough one. We spent the better part of the week either fighting, being snippy, or not speaking at all. Or in my DHs case, pretending like everything was unicorns and rainbows. Fast foward to last night and things were significantly better. Everything was out in the open. We did a lot of talking, though the conversation went in directions I didn't expect, but ultimately we're in a better place. I didn't have to drop the D-word...my BKs did that for me...in not so many words. It was both awkward and a little funny.

I’m a stepmum to a 17 year old girl and a 15 year old boy. I’ve been with their dad for 12 years and we’ve always had the kids every other weekend and over the holidays. We were doing really well and were really happy (despite the occasional fallout with his ex-wife)and are planning on getting married this year.

I may have hurt DH’s feelings, but the words poured out, the question, “Has anyone ever loved your children enough to tell then the truth?”

 The truth about their behavior, about their mother’s lack of a conscience?