As far as the 16 y.o. man/child goes, it doesn't sound like he'd be a threat to himself if he was let to stay alone. I can't remember how old I was when my parents let me home alone for a weekend, but I know it was high school, probably 16, when I could drive. If he has a 23 y.o. sister who is capable of watching over him, then I don't see the problem. But then again, you're talking to someone who is completely on your side on this one.

What did your husband do or say about it?

I'm glad he said no! I hope you have a good weekend.

I have done this - but i offer to switch weekends or let her stay there if he and his wife can/want to. Just a few weeks ago he had waned her to pick up my BD (its an hour drive one way in HEAVY traffic) well, she had things to do that night and it would have interfered and she told me this. We agreed that we would put it off on me - that if she couldn't be picked up early (i had dinner plans for her for her sibling's bday) then HE would pick her up that next morning when he got off work. He got over it, and I got to help her out so she wouldn't get his wrath. She does most of the driving for him anyway. I was in her shoes.

Then he calls last night to see if he can get her saturday (not his weekend) I said sure so that we can both have her for easter. Course, she has a stomach virus right now so that might get cancelled also

If my weekend plans included DH, then I'd say no. If my weekend plans did not include DH, then I wouldn't care because I would be affected by the switch. It's DH's visitation, not mine. I'm not required to be there or be available when he has the skids, so the big question that's come up when we've been asked to switch is whether or not DH has plans. Usually, he doesn't, so usually we agree. I do my thing, if I have something to do on his weekend, and it's all good.

♥ Georgia ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)

For out of town trips, vacations, family events. We check ahead and if it's not ok we find an alternative. I don't see it as pawning off, but offering the other parent more time if they wish. Actually, many custody agreements state that you ask the other parent first, if you can't be the primary caregiver do to going out of town.

I guess it depends on what your relationship is with the other parent. My exh is remodeling our basement, so that should tell you how DH and I get along with him and his wife. Although his wife wasn't comfortable with it when I was still single. He did some work for me on my house before I sold it, but that was after I moved in with DH.

Of course I do know how you feel when it comes to SD. BM will announce a few days ahead that she's going out of town, usually to SD and not directly to DH. A few weeks ago she just didn't show or answer her phone for a Wed overnight. THAT drives me nuts. She will also not allow SD to stay home alone while she works so she drops her off here every morning that there's no school for me to watch, and she also complains I don't get SD to the dentist or orthodontist in a time frame she would like. Not that DH doesn't do it, but that I am too lazy to do it.

So that's definitely due to lack of respect and her taking me for granted as far as me having to take care of SD.

Peace, love, and red wine

when we had an emergency (close relative of mine died and we had to go to PA, we live in MO, for funeral, but only told her an emergency came up). she switched wkends but made us "pay" by watching FSD on another nite that we dont have her on. so the following wk when BM asked us to watch FSD for a couple xtra hrs bc SHE had plans, we made her "pay" too. these r her rules, not ours. if she wants to play like that, SHE will have to play like that. future DH used to do favors for BM all the time just so he could see the kid or do whatever he thought was in his daughters best interest but that stopped bc BM takes advantage and then when u need a favor u have to pay her back w one in return...sad that the kid gets put in the middle of this.
good for u and yr hubbie that he agrees w not switching and is backing u up...dont u just love when the DHs do that?

We switch sometimes too, but we always make arrangements as far ahead as we can. We don't usually get a make-up weekend because of Hubby's work schedule, but he'll get the skids a few extra days during the week. So far it has never not worked for her, because there isn't anything she does that doesn't involve the skids (which is entirely another issue in itself). Occasionally when she asks to switch something and we have to say no because of work schedules or plans that have been made, and she also tends to wait to the last minute, and Hubby always feels guilty, but the guilt doesn't stop him from saying no to her. But we both try to accomodate each other the best we can for the skids, but they are also both young. Also, we never say yes if it means that only I will be watching them for more than an hour or so by myself. I just won't do it.

The last time we switched BM went the next weekend to DH's grandma's to introduce her BF to her. Ewwe. On her weekend with the kids they have all 5 kids so that normally would not happen. Since then DH is paranoid about that happening. We try to be accomidating though, she had Easter but it fell on our weekend, since we had the kids all week for vacation when BM picked us up from the airport ( yes she took us & picked us up) we let her have the kids so she could go see her parents for the whole holiday. SS7 is having first communion which falls on our weekend. rather than switching we let her keep both boys because Friday they have stuff to do for the communion & she will be getting ready for the party. Saturday is the party & we probably will not stay the entire time so taking the guest of honor away would be wrong. Her family will be driving down for it really was the right thing to do. In a way it kind of sucks for her & her BF because that is their kid free weekend, but what is the point of us taking them for Sunday to have to return them by 5pm. Besides I am assuming that since it will be his first official communing Sunday they would want to go to mass.

All in all I think we did the right thing.

BM has started asking me personally if I need to watch the kids if DH isn't there. For example, she needs to leave town early this Friday & the kids don't have school. She emailed me & CC'd DH to see if she could drop them off early with me since I work from home.

I told her as long as I didn't have to leave the house( cuz between work & the newly crawling baby & I really busy these days) that was fine. She said no problem that she would make sure they were fed & that they boys would help me out by entertaining their brother so I could work.

I am lucky because although I don't always agree with what BM does she is sane, productive member of society and a good mom. She can be evil at times & drive me nuts, but she could probably get BM of the year compared to alot of the women we are dealing with.