Stick a fork in me
I put my foot down. The 16 year old man/child will get "visited all day" by his father every other weekend. No more over nighters.
I was all in knots three days before the visits & and I reall didn't do well (INSIDE) during the visits. I did it for 4 years-----with a smile.
How did I approach it?
I showed him the bills. I told him that he was not paying half of the bills. Additionally, with the gas prices sky high, he was adding around 60.00 (in gas X 4) for the unnecessary round trip. Sooooooooooooooooooooooooo, it this was costing ME and I wasn't having it ANY MORE. NO MAS.
He was happy, his X was happy, his son was happy AND I WAS BECOMING AN EMOTIONAL MESS.
The man/child is huge. He stays home all day alone & has not looked for a job (there is a shopping center within walking distance to his home) this summer. He plays video games. He is not involved in sports.
His X is in for a shock. She is going on a vacation with her new husband (SHE NEVER TAKES HIM WITH HER) and she thinks MY home is her babysitting station (with free pick up and delivery). Surprise surprise.
Dh will exercise his "visitation" by "visiting" his son.
If I sound like a b.... toooooo bad. STICK A FORK IN ME, I'M DONE!
Yeah Angel!!
You go. I am SO with you. I am the wallet in my house. I am SO SICK OF IT! Yeah. But, I won't stick a fork in you. Maybe a beer as a celebration instead?
YAY ANG!
Pop the cork and celebrate! GOOD JOB
You know when its time to change
My DH and Sd understand, if we cannot afford to pay airfare, she can't come down. So far we have just cut back on the number of trips and I hope that will be enough.
But you know what your budget and peace of mind will stand, good for you for setting your boundaries!
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
When I read, stick a fork in me I laughed!!!!!!
,
tipsy BF "making love" to his son!! LMAO!!
oh my god crayon...u kill me. i cant take it!
im sitting at my desk laughing out loud at my computer screen...thank god my boss is on vacation!
honestly, i dont know what the hell is wrong w ur BF. thank god u havent converted him into a DH yet...well, dickhead he might be, but not a darling husband!
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Thank you
all for your comments. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one feeling like this. Your support is valuable to me. Thank you.
At 16 I had a job, a license and a purpose. As a pseudo step, I have no voice (and I don't want to parent anymore)but I have to live with the consequences of the parenting choices of two people who encourage (by passive parenting)this 6ft young man to be immature. If he were mine, he'd be involved in sports, know keyboarding (the kid doesn't know where the home keys are), have a part time job and be involved in the community. I raised 3 college graduates & have helped motivate and educate thousands of kids.
END OF RANT
Thank you soooo very much.
You go Angel!!!
I'm proud of you... my situation is coming to a head as well. I'm engaged to the mother of a 15-yr old girl that is flunking school, eats me out of house and home, does nothing but complain about everything, and is the LAZIEST slug I've ever seen. Have we just gotten old, and are sitting back talking about the good ol' days when we (and everything else) was perfect? I'm also stuck without a real voice (my fiance asks me to be involved, unless I get too critical at which point I am shut out) and yet am supporting this loser teen financially. I love her mother so much...but am starting to feel some serious resentment building. What's the solution???
WELL IT WORKED
My dh went and "visited" his man/child on Saturday all day! It was wonderful. He got to see his two older kids too. There was a little drama beforehand (his daughter, the X's clone was put out by it)BUT I STUCK TO MY GUNS. I have MY HOUSE BACK.
My weekend was perfect.
When the young man learns to drive (gets a job so he can pay for his own gas/insurance) he can come and visit whenever he wants BUT NO OVERNIGHTERS. He has little ambition so I assume this will take awhile. (My dh is teaching him to drive, but the boy hasn't even applied for a permit.)
ILLINILLINOIS (SP?)
I feel for you because in your case, you're the custodial parent. You have got to make & stick to a plan so that you don't become so resentful that you can't see straight. Set some reasonable boundaries--the kind that are dealbreakers if not met----for starters anyway.
HELLO DADDY WARBUCKS
or in our case mamma, I put my foot down this year too about buying groceries and feeding the little crietons (sp) they do nothing all day for a whole week, unless DFH pays them.WTF.
so this year I dont grocery shop on the weeks they are here nor do I cook dinner- no one ever offered to help.
AND I would run them around to their friends houses too.
nope..
good for you Angel if you have to be a bi*ch to keep your sanity so be it!
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
SaraB
I don't blame you for not wanting to put forth effort. I think that in 4 years I have only cooked a handful of times for myself, so why should I for anyone else (except guests). The child is theirs and there is no maid service.
When you start this stuff young, you are idealistic & really try your best to please others and do the socially correct thing.
I started this stuff at 50---------no way I am going to do idealistic stuff. I would never hurt anyone, ESPECIALLY MYSELF.
Sarah, believe me----you are doing the right thing. Be practical & kind to yourself first, then to others. No one will appreciate it as much as you do.
thanks angel
sometimes I feel bad cuz FH works a lot of hours, and I get home at a reasonable time, but when I remember what I felt in the first 3 1/2 years used, taken advantaged of, invisibile, I dont feel so bad, his BD is 16 why cant she cook? hell I started cooking at 11 yr old. i just have to keep remembering those things and that I am not their mom nor do I want to be - they are his and if he wants me to help then he will have to ask help from everyone!
i will not be a doormat anymore!
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
SaraB
Believe in YOURSELF. Believe in YOURSELF. Believe in YOURSELF.
I THINK I CAN I THINK I CAN!
it has taken me awhile but I am getting better about being a little more selfish
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
Second Round
This past weekend was the second time my dh went to "visit" his man/child & it went off perfectly. Again he spent time with his older son also. They played basketball, went to breakfast & went to the movies & even hit a few golf balls. MY DH THANKED me for all of this because it has brought him "closer" to his older son as well!
No more being displaced from my home. I am soooo glad I made my decision and stuck to it. & his X hasn't said a word, not that it would matter anyway.
It was a quiet and genuinely perfect weekend. He came home around 8pm happy and content & we had Sunday to putz around the house.
I was miserable EOW & I found a solution. I am so happpppppppy!
awesome!!
nothing better than a win win situation!
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."