When did your SS/SD move out of the house ?

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My SS turns 17 this year and I'm curious to know at what age did your SS/Sd move out? Do they come back? My SS is obviously miserable living at home because there are rules in which there will be added rules when he turns 18 that he already stated that he doesn't like..

Dh's son is 19. He'll be 20

Dh's son is 19. He'll be 20 in July. I forsee him living with BM, SD(16), BM's 1/2 brother(36), & BM's live-in (the only one in the house who works) for a lifetime.

DH made SS take his learners test again back in November. Much to everyone's surprise (SS's included) he passed. He's driven a vehicle twice in the nearly 4 months he's had it.

He's never been employed. You have to fill out a job application to do that.

He'll never move out. He'll never WANT to move out. He loves where he is in life because there are no rules. Why would he leave?

We have the same kind of

We have the same kind of skids-DH's 3 do not want to work. You are right, there is NO incentive to leave BM's place...although in our case, they are living in a SMALL house-it is literally like a little cabin/cottage. 5 adults, when it is really suited for 2. But, still, no signs of wanting to leave (except to come to our home-which will never ever happen).

The thing is, BM doesn't want

The thing is, BM doesn't want them to leave. Not being a smart-ass, but I believe she has a real fear of being alone. She's a shitty person & can't keep friends. At least she has the sense to know it won't be different down the road. She said something to DH one time about how she guesses it'll just be her, SS, & SD growing old together with their dogs.

DH stopped her & reminded her that the kids will grow up & move out & have families of their own.

She snapped back & said, "Well, I guess I'll just grow old with their dogs then" & hung up.

She has nothing to lose with the kids staying there. They're devoted company & protectors & she doesn't work, so them being there doesn't cost her anything.

I totally understand this.

I don't understand BM, because nothing she does makes sense. But, it is apparent she favors the 2 boys over her daughter (the daughter is more angry and vocal than her brothers). For months, BM has been complaining (we heard through a relative) that she is tired of all of the kids lying around, doing nothing. She was really encouraging them to try to get DH to move one or 2 of them in with us, more so the daughter. But, a few days ago, she came into some money (I do not want to know how) and bought the boys an XBox and big screen tv. WTH???? What a motivation to get them to apply to jobs. One of them has been playing almost nonstop.

If your skids do move out, BM is going to have a fit, huh? But, it does not look like she has to worry. How sad.

My DH's "kids" are 19, 20 and

My DH's "kids" are 19, 20 and 23. They all live with BM and BM's aunt. BM's aunt works FT-50 hours a week. BM has never worked. DH's daughter works 20-25 hours a week and is hinting that she may look into disability-or become pregnant, because working "all" those hours is too much for her. OMG.

DH's sons have never worked,and refuse to apply to jobs. They are all living in the aunt's VERY small house. Like Stormabruin, I feel like they will live with BM forever. The boys do not even have driver's licenses-well, the older one JUST started the process. If something happens to BM's aunt, I do not know what they are going to do.

What I DO know is they are never coming here. I made DH promise me that before we married. My MIL asks me what will happen if they become homeless. I said this is NOT my problem. DH works 6 days a week, and he works a very stressful and physically demanding job. His kids have seen him work like this their whole lives. Everyone in DH's family works, too. Yet, they apparently want to live like BM-although 2 of them have been really wanting to come live with us. NO. FREAKING. WAY.

I feel like I sound so heartless when I write these things. But, DH's kids are so unbelievably cruel to him. It breaks my heart. But, I could not live with them....not for an hour.

By 18.5 (right after he

By 18.5 (right after he graduated HS) SS pretty much 'moved out' ... all his stuff is still at our house, but he no longer spends the night. He stays at his moms or friends, or grandfathers or girlfriends. Kind of pathetic really, but Im so glad he's out. He was really disruptive and a really bad influence on younger SS. Now we just need to clean out his stuff.

We have SSs 50/50 and my big

We have SSs 50/50 and my big fear is that they will never leave. My oldest SS is 18 and only a JR in HS. He was held back twice. So the kid will be 19 1/2 when he graduates from HS. This is the same kid that was talking about still going back and forth when he's in college. Oh goody :/

SS was stb17 when he moved in

SS was stb17 when he moved in with BM. Not really sure it was his choice but more of BM's choice (BM didn't want to pay support) and DH going along with it.

It has made it easier for DH and I in a lot of ways. Sometimes DH drives me crazy because he really gets to missing SS and I feel like he takes it out on me.

SSstb18 is a junior and will graduate when he is stb19. He drives a car DH bought for him and DH pays for the insurance and keeps it maintained. BM must pay for the gas because DH doesn't (not that I know of)and SS refuses to get a job and go to work.

SS is very spoiled and entitled so I can see him living with BM for years which in turn means BM will drive us crazy calling and complaining about SS.

At some point if SS wants to move back in with us it will not go over so well with me.

I have decided that if DH lets SS move back in after HS and refuses to make him get a full time job then I am going to quit working too!!!

If DH refuses to make his grown son work, take care of hisself and/or contribute to the household don't expect me to do it.

Seems like ground rules need

Seems like ground rules need to be set asap. But is that doable?

My DH has 2 BSs - one 21, one 23 - both still at home. The younger one has separated from his live-in GF and has a practical life-plan which will see him out and on his way to a solid career by summer. The older one lives in a rather comfortable basement with his GF (the Princess of Darkness), a 52"TV and a small zoo. Why move out when there's no rent, someone else cleans and maintains the home, yaddah yaddah ...

I'm starting to get fed up with tippy-toeing around attitude and tidying-up around the house. His dad has asked and encouraged him to take a good hard look at his situation and come up with a plan, but I haven't seen much progress in 2 years.

It would be nice offer SS positive incentives that would light a fire under his ass, but short of offering to subsidize new accommodations (which I think would be ludicrous) what else is there?

Seems young people these days have no concept of consequences - argh