ugh teen sd
Hi all,
I'm new here, but have read quite a bit, and have finally thought i should share.
My partner and i have 4 kids together. I have two boys, and she has two girls. We have dated for almost 10 years. We dated for 9 years long distance(1 hour between) because our kids were deeply rooted in their schools. My boys were finally going to both be in college, so i moved in with her and the girls in June. The first month was pretty amazing, but the past 5 months has been a true heartbreak, and stressful to say the least. My sd16 has been ignoring, rude, disrespectful, and has only treated me as an outsider, and intruder. She acts like a jealous little girl. I have tried EVERYTHING to change this. I guess i realized i can't change it. I have cried seemingly everyday, and that is not at all like me. My partner has pretty much tucked her head in the sand until this last week when i came unglued on her, and said i was going to leave if things didn't change. I have nagged, pleaded, and talked her to death on ALL THIS,and have told her she is the bridge between SD and i. She did go in straight away and talk to SD. SD said she was sorry, blah blah blah and went back to the same the next day. I dont know what i should do, or if i even want to be a step mom. I have a close relationship with bio kids,and a decent relationship with her other daughter( SD14). My heartbreak is because i really looked forward to being a day to day mom to my SD's and now i hate it. Thank you for being here and understanding.
I do agree,and have changed
I do agree,and have changed my expectations. They have both said (SD) that I'm like a mother to them, so the mother in me,felt like that is what they wanted. I have since pulled back and no longer try to fill or help out in those ways.
I'm not her first partner and ive been around for 10 years. This all became recent when i moved in. Thanks for your feedback
As I've realized
As I've realized :sick:
No, she was aware. It seems
No, she was aware. It seems we have talked about it non stop, but when she sees the behavior of her daughter, she says nothing.
There are a lot of reasons.
There are a lot of reasons. My exh was close by and i didn't want them to be far away from him. We were a military family and in the last 7 years the boys both were both feeling grounded and loved where they were. The girls father was here and gave always gone to their private school. . Etc etc. Pretty much the same reasons.. time just ticked by..
I gave up a career to move here, and have yet to find something, the area is pretty rural. So wouldn't that be nice that i change everything for everyone twice..
tommar, come on. I was a
tommar, come on. I was a sweetheart at 16. I ran away, went to night clubs, drank, avoided my parents and dropped out of High School. Oddly though kept my girlie bits locked down
Awwwww thanks! I do try to
Awwwww thanks!
I do try to be a great mom, and it has always been our #1 goal.
Thanks all,for your words and
Thanks all,for your words and support.
I know that my teen SD is just being a teenage girl. Her life has come undone. I know ALL OF THIS mentally. I tell myself all of this, i know that she is sad, probably misses the way things were and is angry. I GET IT. I also have feelings, and though I know all of this logically ,it just hurts to feel excluded,disrespected and unsupported.
I hope we can work through this. I am unsure if i want to feel like the evil step mom forever. As a child of divorce, i know this blended family thing, and it's ins and outs. I'm second guessing what i want in life. I hate all this. I hate feeling all of this. I feel like a quitter. I just don't know. .
I would say it is time to
I would say it is time to quit going through your partner to deal with this and that it is time for you to confront it head on directly with the toxic Step Spawn. Address her behavior with her directly, bring the consequences, hold her accountable for her behaviors, and don't sweat it beyond that. No guilt, no tears, just bring accountability down on her choice of behaviors consistently and effectively.
You and your SO are equity life partners and that makes you both equity parents to any children in the relationship home regardless of spawn biology. If your SO won't get on board then she can STFU while you deal with it. If she does not like how you parent and discipline then she can step up and get it done before you have to.
IMHO of course.
Take care of you.
Good luck.