Taxi Cabbing-What's Too Much?
Trying to be unemotional about this... but it's tough.
Background: 16yo boy, mom largely not arround; good kid, good grades, according to BD can do no wrong.
Relationship: Engaged, together for ~3 years, engaged for ~1; known one another for ~5 years
Working life: Both employed; general household contributions over time he:she=30:70 (though currently 60:40 which I think is fair since there are two of them and one of me and I travel all but 9 days per month)
This weekend I am "home" from work and we have previously discussed that we would go out of our way to spend time together on weekends when I am home.
Thursday: Arrive from airport, home, bed; House is a disaster
Friday: Both work (me from home, him in the field); Evening is driving kid to the city to use "his money" to buy a new amp; Meanwhile, dad asks for a loan for part of the rent; Dad attempts to make nice by inviting child to dinner; Kid texts 70% of dinner
Saturday: Kid needs to be at school at 9:30; Dad has recreational soccer at 11; Dad/kid spent ~60 minutes cleaning the house while I get a much needed haircut; BM shows up unannounced to take kid the the movies (repeatedly asked that she announce herself ahead of time; BD thinks her showing up "whenever" is fine)
Saturday night: Fiance and I attend obligatory (but nice) work function; Nice to be dressed up and out for the first time in months; Kid makes "emergency" call ~9PM demanding to know what time dad will be home; Home by 11:30; Dad reports to child "see, I told you we would be home by 11:30"
Sunday: Supposedly "free all day Sunday so we can spend time together"; Child must be at "community service event" by 9:30 and "will get a ride home"; Child requires ride home at 12:00; Child requires ride to "end of season volleyball party" at 2PM; Child will "get a ride home" (yeah, right).
Am I overreacting here that my ENTIRE weekend when I am home twice a month should not look like this?
P.
Why doesn't the kid drive?
Why doesn't the kid drive?
Claiming exhaustion from work
Claiming exhaustion from work why don't you at least opt out of these trips? Only two more years til graduation. Meanwhile don't get married for at least a year past that to see if Dad has changed any.
Get some house rules in
Get some house rules in place.
In the order in which you described the problems:
Get a cleaner to clean up the place on the day you are due to come home. If funds don't allow, ask BF to do this for you in exchange for you doing something similar for him.
No texting during meals.
BM to announce herself in advance as non-negotiable otherwise you go out for the evening alone with friends.
Get BF or SS to obtain other families' contact details so that BF can devise a rota for pickups and collections when there are group gigs, clubs or other functions where one family can ferry there, the other back.
If you deal with one issue at a time it will not be so overwhelming. Sounds like you had an awful weekend and need pampering.
Hi guys, Thanks for your
Hi guys,
Thanks for your replies... SOOO much help. Sanity returns!
Today was better and worse (but mostly better). I forgot a few other elements of what upset me so in the first place (just more child taxi/driving school obligations and not worth mentioning more because I'm trying not to be a terrible pessimist). As expected, kid did not have/get a ride home but who would he when dad is always at his beck-and-call? However, he (intended-SS) went to extraordinary efforts to spend time with the rest of the household tonight. He studied for finals at the kitchen table tonight (a first, AFTER genuinely asking if it was "okay") and watched a movie (the whole thing!) with us.
One of the things that set me off over the weekend was dad's obligation for another 50 hours of driving lessons (from "us") before to-be-SS can get his license. I know things are different now and I don't know what's with kids these days but I took driver's ed in high school summer school and got my license ON MY BIRTHDAY. It's unfathomable to me that these kids wait until months after their birthdays when I wanted my freedom ASAP. Dad's alternative was "well, a few 5 hour weekend drives I can take him on and he'll be there". FANTASTIC! More time I don't see you when I'm home and *how* many months until this shit is over? Awesome!
But, I took a chance tonight... I have a "driver" allowance ($) when go to/from the airport when I travel every week. I offered up that if to-be-SS would drive me to the airport (with Dad, of course), he can earn driving time AND augment what we will require (I HOPE, unless Dad caves) his contribution to insurance/maintenance costs of the (family) vehicle. I expected lip service since it will mean we leave the house at 5:45AM every Monday and will mess with his Thursday nights when I come home but he is game and happy! (At least for now).
Admittedly, I'm still a little pissy that I have to come up with the solutions EVERY time. But, guess it's nice to feel like things might be mocing this along.
FUCK, to all you ladies who have been doing this forever. It's hard. And (to me) much more managing the dad than the children. (IMHO).
P.
If the kid does not have a
If the kid does not have a licence then make him take city transit? My SS has been doing this since he was 14, and only on occassion will be drive him to places.