A System for Splitting College Costs with Nasty BM?
My SD 19 will be going off to college in August. So far, dealing with BM has been a total nightmare, so I don expect things to change too much. BM is a wealthy woman and control freak. She loves to pay for things in advance and then demand payment directly from my DH (for his half), just to show that "she" is in control of SD's life. She's combative, unfair, unpleasant, etc.
Now that child support is over, we are entering into the phase where each parent must pay for half of all college expenses. However, the divorce agreement does not lay out specific terms as to how payments are to be handled by the parents. We are so worn out from dealing with this nasty person, that the thought of trying to manage the college costs with her makes my stomach turn.
Does anyone have any experience with this co-paying situation? I'm hoping that when the monthly invoices are issued, that we can pay our half online, and directly to the university. However, I don't know if you can make partial payments. I suppose I'll have to call the university, but I was hoping to get some feedback here first.
Ugh, I can't believe I have another 4 years of this.... :sick:
If you can I would put SD in
If you can I would put SD in charge of gathering receipts and invoices. Letting her know that her dad will pay half of the relevant ones but she must send him copies of her expenses. Cut BM out of it altogether.
you are screwed....this
you are screwed....this should have been explicity spelled out in the decree. but, as the student, the bills should be in the student's name. as long as you document that you paid your share, if the bill goes unpaid, it wont affect your credit. make sure your name is no where on any invoice.
my fiance's agreement says one-third of tuition only, and its capped at whatever the annual cost is at the state's university. meaning, if she wants to go to a school that's $15K a year, and the state university costs $6K per year, the most he's on the hook for is $2K.
it states specifically that BM is responsible for 100% of room and board, and all costs associated with any college visits and the like. CS can pay for that crap.
OP is not screwed at all. SHE
OP is not screwed at all. SHE is not responsible for any of it - her husband/SO is.
Do what my ex did (he was ordered to pay 100% of college expenses - at HIS request, as a tenured university professor at one of our top universities) - just don't pay. It wasn't worth fighting it, tbh. The kids got scholarships, worked while in school, (as they would have anyway) and I paid the rest. One is graduated and the other is a rising senior. I just made my second to last tuition payment. Dad can go scratch, as far as I'm concerned.
You tell SD to give you a
You tell SD to give you a copy of her bill each semester then you send half directly to the school.
Don't trust SD or BM to take the money and apply it where it should go because then you'll just end up in court with them claiming you didn't pay your half and, oh, that $5,000 check to SD? That was a gift!
Get a parental login and you
Get a parental login and you can avoid that as well. You set that up yourself with your SD. No reason to involve BM.
I would pay the school
I would pay the school directly. If BM decides to pay all the money up front, then they can refund her over payment. IMO, it is ALWAYS better to cut out the drama maker as much as possible.
Thanks everyone, there were
Thanks everyone, there were some good comments. Just to be clear, our obligation is, in fact, spelled out in the agreement: half of tuition, books, fees, housing and meals. And I already know the cost of all that - (it will be WAY less than child support - yeah!) Extras like gas for her car, cell phone are SD's expenses. We are not providing any spending money. I was more or less exploring the logistics of HOW to deal with paying our half - and how to totally avoid BM and keep our sanity. I like the idea of just paying our half to the school and letting BM request a refund if she tries pulling her usual crap. Thanks, ladies!!
Ha! In our state, BM still
Ha! In our state, BM still gets CS until the kid graduates regardless of what percentage the dad is paying towards college. Thats why my.fiance was adamant that hed pay 1/3 of tuition only.
Pay the amount you owe in
Pay the amount you owe in full at th beginning of the semester when it is due. Pay directly to the school. I pay right to the school - I don't have anyone to help so no one to deal with. She will not be able to get a refund only SD can.
Just get the final amount the week after school starts and pay your portion. You can do it online and get a login for parents. Do you have a rule about grades? Does the kid have to pay anything at all?
It wasn't spelled out in our
It wasn't spelled out in our case either, so DH made BM take him to court when she decided 50/50 wasn't good enough. The court then decided how it was to be handled.
In our case, DH was ordered to pay BM directly for college costs. He was only required to pay his share of the tuition bill. Not on the bill, not paying it. BM had SD stay in the dorms/sorority house all 4 years so that DH would have to pay. DH was not given the option to make payments. The term bills came out only a couple of weeks before the start of the following semester, so payments weren't an option for BM either. I'm not sure if he could have paid the school directly or not.
If court is not the end of the world for you, I wouldn't pay anything since it's not spelled out unless SD wouldn't be able to start at all. Maybe call the school and ask if you can send direct?
Ok, My question is way isn't
Ok, My question is way isn't some of the responsibility of paying for college on the 19 year-old shoulders. She's an adult and should be helping with expenses racked up. The 19 year-old daughter needs the responsibility.
Agree. Thats why my fiance
Agree. Thats why my fiance has it 1/3. He firmly believed having paid for his own college that it should have been 1/2 SD and then 1/4 each for him and BM (still overly generous). MA courts insist ikn a 3 way even split.