Purpose of child support?
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Has anyone ever seen a legal description of what child support is supposed to be used for? BM insists on not letting the kids bring their clothes to our house on visitation. Now she is threatening not to let them take any of the clothes "she" bought (w/child support, I presume) on a weeklong camp we are paying for and wants DH to buy them all new summer clothes.
Am I missing something?
Yeah that has been done to DH
My DH has custody of the children and doesn't get enough child support to even cover the kids daycare expense so no she doesn't buy the children's clothing. Last visitation she actually threw away clothes I purchased myself out of my own money for the childrens trip to go see her. This year our Attorney advised that we only send when the children go to visit BM one pair of Pj's, one bathing suit, underwear, socks, a pair of pants, and a shirt to change into. My Attorney was very careful to insist to let them have their necessities. Since they have shared custody it is her turn for 2 months to do her part as a mother. Keep in mind this woman lives around the world and does NOTHING for the children for Christmas, Bdays, ETC. Only when she has them during the Summer and they have to keep anything she purchases at her house until the following year. It is a shame we have to do this but we can't afford for her to throw away clothes. She allowed her dog to destoy a couple of pieces of clothing of the skids. I personally think she is an idiot and should just let her children take things home that are given to them. I hate that it has to be that way but she did it to herself. Now because she was such an ass last summer and threw away clothes she will have to purchase the clothes for own visitation or keep washing the same outfit over and over.
I think your Skids mother is being a pure ass doing that for no good cause. It is childish and is trying to sabatoge his trip. You may just want to him clothes for when he is with you. IF she doesn't supply at least the necessities it can look to the Judge that BM is not doing what is in the best interest of the child.
Not so ...
... in my experience, and I work in the legal field, although child support is supposed to go toward buying the clothes, there isn't any case law or anything that says BM should send clothes when they go to the other parent's house. I don't think a court would say it's not in the best interests of the child if mom doesn't provide clothes for the visit. Personally, I agree with you, but legally ... not really a leg to stand on.
My SS' BM used to send a suitcase ... mind you her "clean" clothes, smell like crap anyway, and she dresses SS like he's a rag-a-muffin. So, we just started buying clothes. One weekend we went out of town and were going straight from picking him up. Rather than worrying about what she packed, we just packed what we had. Good thing ... we were going to a dry part of the State where it is very hot, even now it's hitting the 90s. She packed long pants and long sleeved shirts, no shorts ... she knew where we were going - no excuse. So, what happened is she got pissed because we didn't use the clothes she packed. Then for several weeks she didn't send clothes. Then for a couple of weeks sent clothes. Finally, when we asked her to send something other than "play clothes" she said "no, I have no intention of sending "dress" clothes for your visits. If you want him to wear somethign different, you buy it." We were livid! That's when I called him a rag-a-muffin. She bitched me out when we dropped him off, and I said, "I'm sorry, but we don't take SS out to dinner or to church in sweats, that just isn't acceptable in our household." From that point forward she never packed him clothes again.
Even now it's a problem ... if we send him in something new because he wants to wear it ... we will ask for it back. Now, she's bitching about that too.
So, really ... you are doing the right thing. Send them with one change of clothes ... and let her buy the rest. BUT I'd give her a head's up. You don't want the kids to suffer because she isn't prepared.
~ Katrina
Thanks Katrina
I wasn't sure if the Judge would say that we weren't looking out for the best interests of the kids when all we are doing is protecting our investment. Clothes for 3 kids are expensive!
The thing that bugs me is all this game playing on BM's part just causes stress on the kids. I actually BOUGHT new clothes for skids before the last trip so they would look nice and she threw some of them out!! I am on the other end of it Mocha and it boils down to mean vindictive BM's.
Follow Attorney's Advice
I would just follow your attorney's advice ... one extra change of clothes, but also give her a heads up that you aren't sending much in terms of clothing this year. If she asks "why." Tell her!
description
Has anyone ever seen a description of what expenses CS support is suppose to cover?
I'm sorry if I offend anyone
I'm sorry if I offend anyone with my answer here but I have to answer this one with an opinion I feel very strongly on.I gave birth to 7 children and I am divorced. Their fathers have been ordered to pay child support.I an sooo jealous of the women that get enough support to actually support their kids to an extent that is helpful. The total amount of support that I get monthly for all seven of the kids is only $650.00 and that's when it actually ges paid!
Now if I spend per child 100 dollars on school supplies,50 dollars on food for the week, 10 on personal products, 10 on gas to drive them places, then all the little extras,(ex:feild trips,more clothes because the weather changed or the kid grew, utilities and a roof over their head for them to live, etc...). Then WHY THE HELL DOES IT MATTER IF I TAKE THE MEASLY $30.00 SUPPORT CHECK THAT WEEK AND PUT IT IN MY GAS TANK OR BUY A NEWSPAPER FOR ME TO READ?
I can understand being upset about paying an excessive amount to a custodial parent who wastes it but for those of us who are struggling to support the child/children that two people helped create and only one is "supporting" to any degree, I don't feel the absent has any right to question the details of where or how the money is spent!
Reverse the situation. Take cusody of said child then get what you give for child support and then have to answer for every penny you spend of it and where it goes.
The main thing here is that the kids should have what they NEED to live a decent life. Anything beyond that is up to the parent who WANTS to do the spoiling.
Child support does not usually cover the "real" cost of the half of raising the child.
Lisa Dawn
Yes,
we could send what we have but we only have them two weekends a month so we only have a few casual outfits and a few "church" outfits. She refuses to let them bring over any clothes that she has "bought" so therefore it wouldn't be enough for a week of camp. Mind you we are paying the $800 @ piece for them to go. She has no idea how much stress she causes her own children because WE have clothes in our closet that we can wear at will so she isn't hurting us. What a dumbbunny! No bunnies are too cute - what a dumb donkey, no donkeys are too.....
Goldenlife
800$.00 PER Child??? There is NO reason BM can't afford to buy them clothes. I don't blame you for feeling like that. My DH only gets $400.00 for all 3 children and she has the audacity to throw away clothes! She feels she is entitled to because she pays that bit of CS but the clothes she threw away are clothing that I personally bought out of my pay.
I didn't want to do what the Attorney said to do only because I don't want to stress out the kids but we are going to have to. I believe when you give a child things it belongs to them. No keeping it at one or the other's house they should feel at home at both homes. These BM's that behave like that are in my opinion horrible people.
In my last marriage the BM and I became best of friends. I saw my ex husband only paying $120.00 per month for his one child. I thought it was way too low. I have 2 kids of my own and as a single mom I knew the cost of taking care of them. I did the bills and raised her CS to $250.00 per month and paid for ALL of my SD's clothes/needs. Of course after ex and I split up that disappeared but my friend to this day remembers that. She sent me a Mothers day card a couple of days ago. It is a shame some of these BMS can't get over themselves and think of the children.
Purpose of child support.
In our case, BM owns a childrens consignment shop (so clothes aren't a necessity), child support buys trips to paris and costa rica, a beautiful apartment with a rooftop deck, versace sunglasses for mom, a very expensive hair-dye job for mom, all new furnishings for apartment and food purchased ONLY at whole foods for a kid who eats nothing but bread and rice. Oh, and nominally for pre-school enrollment that mom can't even get her fat A** out of bed to get her to for three half days a week.
By all means, buy her clothing for summer. Keep the receipts and keep them at your house.
We change her clothing as soon as she gets here, out of her mothers clothes and into ours. She never leaves this house with anything we have purchased. This is because her mother has taken the "high-end" clothing and sold it in her shop.
good luck.
That is Horrible
How can she SELL clothing of her own kids???? Oh that really makes me mad!
She does buy them clothes...
Lots of them and fancy cell phones, etc. They just can't bring them to OUR house or on OUR trips!!! They become her clothes, not their clothes. It's sick b/c my DH is refusing to buy them new ones for camp. He said they can bring (read: sneak a new outfit every time they come over until camp) I think that's wrong and puts the skids in a very awkward position.
Holee, I DON'T think BM should have to account for the money at all. My point, and I think you may have missed it, is that SURELY, clothes are included in the list of things CS is to cover. Therefore if DH is providing CS and clothes are included, WHY should he turn around and buy more clothes when they already have them at home??
Child support should go
Child support should go towards anything that will directly benefit the child. Whether it be the rent/mortgage, utilities, groceries, car payment, gas, clothes, shoes, or school supplies. It should NOT be put towards your brand new hot rod, or a trip to Vegas, or your own wardrobe.
I am on the receiving end and the giving end. I expect my child support to be paid, of course, but I am flexible and I do not expect my ex to have a whole wardrobe purchased for when our daughter visits him. I send clothes with her all the time, for HER benefit. She likes to bring her own clothes with her, and her favorite lovey and numerous other things because they're familiar... and really, what's the big deal?
I have seen first hand, how a bio mom will put that money towards herself and can't even tell you her own child's shoe size. It's frustrating, and disgusting.