SD18 Graduation party
After finding out it is planned to be held at BMs house, DH has told BM it needs to be held in a neutral location. SD18 and BM don't understand why. We do not get along with BM as she is a complete and total dumbass. We have had custody of the kids for the last 4 years up until Sept when SD17 at the time, decided to get physically abusive towards me, so she has lived with BM ever since. DH has tried to explain in the nicest way possible but SD18 won't drop it. Said her BB got to have his 16th bday at home with both parents, mind you they were still married, and she doesn't see why she can't have her graduation party at home with both her parents. Said it's not her fault they are divorced. I told DH that he can go to the party at BMs house but I will not be there. This woman has made my life hell ever since I came into the picture, entering my home when we explicitly forbid her, coming onto our property, verbally attacking me even as of recent and the last thing I want to do is go in her home and feel completely out of place and maybe losing my cool. Looking for your input, please!!
Don't go. And tell your DH
Don't go. And tell your DH that in the future you fully expect they will pull this shit again and he'll have some decisions to make. Just ridiculous.
We had SD 16th party at the
We had SD 16th party at the church, it was completely neutral and went over okay. A little uncomfortable having to be around her mom for several hours but since it was in a neutral location it made it much easer. I do not want to spend one second of my life in that womans temporary home. I would not feel comfortable even walking through the door.
Plus....BM has moved 7 times in 4 years, she has no stability, and completely involves the kids in adult matters.
Unlike BM, we always end up
Unlike BM, we always end up paying 80%-100%. Where she fails to pay her 50% on everything else when it comes to SKIDS,sports, medical, school. She hasn't paid any child support in almost a year, and even then she only paid $50 every other week for 2 kids. I'm still on the hook for a doctor bill for SS12 busting his chin open last May! And she hasn't given anything towards that since November and we still owe over $700. But she doesn't care, it won't hit her credit or DHs it will hit mine since I'm the one that carries the insurance on SKIDs.
The only time she comes through is when it's for a party.
If you and DH are paying for
If you and DH are paying for the majority of this party then I am sorry considering the history imo a neutral location is non neogitable and sd doesnt get to dictate. Not unless she wishes to pick up the tab and then she can swing from the chandeliers if she chooses to!
In all seriousness I would be PISSED if DH agreed to pay for the party and attended it at BM's house. I didnt like to obstruct my DH's relationship with his child however there are certain situations where its not appropriate to go into the wolves den and it would be a great opportunity for these women to divide and conquer you and DH seeing as you would be on their turf.
I would also be taking the skid off my insurance if 1) her mother did not live up to her financial responsibility for HER child and pay 50% of the bill and 2) if my skid was abusive to me. Again non negotiable.
You want cover on SM's insurance, for her to contribute to staple items and fun things? Then you are to be respected. End of.
You dont act like a demented animal then expect everyone to carry on as if nothing has happened, with no consequences and to control everything.
At her age she knows better, even if her mother has encouraged otherwise, sd still has a choice how she acts. She chooses to act badly and she should NOT be rewarded for it. I dont care if she "only gets ONE graduation/18th birthday..21st birthday..engagement...wedding..baby shower.." It just goes on and on.
What does DH say about this?
After I told him yesterday he
After I told him yesterday he could go without me, he sent SD18 a text back telling her that we will not attend if it is held at BMs and step-dads house. He told me he doesn't want to go to her house and he will not go without me, period, regardless where it's held. I don't want him to miss out on this moment for his daughter, but I just can't do it. I've had to let way too many things go for the SKIDs sake. I have to draw the line. It makes my stomach turn just thinking about being in her house, pretending life is good. BM hasn't had a job for over 3 years, and couldn't even make the time to take SS12 for his shots he has needed for months. So I had to take him yesterday otherwise they won't assign classes to him for next year.
As for paying for her, I think unless she get's married soon, I'm stuck carrying health insurance on her until she's 24.
One day, and I'm afraid it will be soon, I will unleash on this pathetic excuse for a mom. And it won't be good. I've already warned DH it's coming. But I will make sure the SKIDs are not around unlike her when she pulls her crap.
I get that BM is a bitch, but
I get that BM is a bitch, but why do you care?? I'd go. It doesn't make sense to put your DH in that position.
When SD graduated, I had her party and BM came to MY house. With her new man.
Whatevs. That day was supposed to be out SD, not the family drama.
Obviously knucklehead, you
Obviously knucklehead, you have a good standing relationship with your ex. As I do with mine. Even with that neither of us would want to put the other through any uncomfortable situation for any of the family so we would never even consider hosting a party for one of the kids at either of our homes.
But you have no clue the issue's and drama this woman has caused since I married DH. And I would be no good to anyone in an uncomfortable situation which this would be. DH was the one that initially said he would not be in favor of the party at BMs home, before it was ever mentioned to me. He is not in agreement with it at all and that's because he doesn't want to be in BMs house either.
My x wasn't even around. It
My x wasn't even around. It was BM and SM at her party.
O[ this is easy Let bm throw
O[ this is easy Let bm throw her party and them you and dh have a small one of your own with sd. Leave it at that. No reason that you guys should argue about this just do it. you only have to say 'sd we are doing "this and that" for your graduation" end of it.
I like that idea!! We could
I like that idea!! We could do it for our side of the family the Saturday before her graduation commencement at 8pm. I'm going to suggest it!
Why do YOU have to pay for
Why do YOU have to pay for anyone's insurance until they are 24? At 18, cut the idiot lose. Or does your state make you support this idiot until she's 24? Sorry, I could care less what my DH wanted...but no way in hell I would put his kid on my insurance ever, much less after the age when CS stops. Her freaking problem.
PS - and stop feeling bad about your DH missing anything for his kid...too freaking bad. He had kids with a loser, has pain in the ass kids, he can go if he wants...otherwise, don't feel guilty. I would not go within 20 miles of crazy witch's house...ever, ever, ever again.
True, I do not think you are
True, I do not think you are under ANY obligation to cover her until she is 24. I understand that the rule is you 'can' cover them if you choose to until they are 26.
As far as a party, offer her something else instead of a party. Like a trip to Europe. Or Alaska. Do not be bullied into anything you don't want to do. I wouldn't have a grad party for my s/son in my house since he ditched his father to pursue a senior H/School year skipping school and smoking enough dope to stuff a comforter. We bought him a digital camera and sincerely doubt he still has it. Probably sold for drug money.
It's my understanding that
It's my understanding that since she is on there, I have to keep her on there and until this Obama bs gets changed. I will be looking further into it though. I refuse to have her medical fall back on me after she graduates. I'm not even okay with it now. As for not going within 20 miles of the BM, the woman just moved less than a mile away from my house!!! I can't even go out in my yard without worrying if she is going to pull up at the corner by my home. Or if I will see her when I go to my kids school because she moved off the main road their school is on. She will not stay out of my life, it's getting to be too much.
BM didn't keep coverage on
BM didn't keep coverage on SKIDs and when we found out, our only option was me putting them on mine. DH is self employed so he is also on mine. Nothing is court ordered on me. I did it to make sure the SKIDs were taken care of if needed. But I'm sorry at 18 you're on your own. I've been disrespected tremendously by BM, SD18 & SS12. I'm hoping BM puts SS12 on her new husbands policy or her own(she just finally got a job after 3 years, hopefully with insurance), that would be wonderful!!
She sounds like my SD20
She sounds like my SD20 was/is at that age. I wouldn't go. SD is acting like a spoiled little girl and it could be a plot on both SD and BM's part. You DO NOT have to keep them on your insurance after they graduate high school. Obama plan is NOT in affect. We just removed SD20 from our medical plan. SD wants nothing to do with us and thinks BM rules the Earth and is parent of the year. DH and I do not feel it's our responsibility to pay for SD Medical Insurance and then copays too. SD will not pay for them and they will get billed to us. Please check out the link http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110126083608AAwmBCP
or read the following, "During open enrollment, you can drop ANY of your dependents. Even those UNDER 18. "Obama's Law" (which, btw, isn't his) does NOT require YOU to carry insurance on your children, even the minor children, right now. Once 2014 comes around, you'll be required to carry insurance on your minor children, but the adult children are on their own.
The law ALLOWS you to keep them on your insurance, if you want. It doesn't REQUIRE you to keep them on your insurance"
Cut them loose before it's too late!
I did some research and you
I did some research and you can guarantee as of May 31st my HR person will receive an email from me to drop SD18 from my plan. I told DH that BM needed her to be put on BMs hubby's insurance after SD physically assaulted me. DH came up with all kinds of excuses why it couldn't happen.
Well, then she's uninsured,
Well, then she's uninsured, along with millions of other Americans. Sad, but not your problem.
Uninsured yes, not my
Uninsured yes, not my problem, correct. I don't want to be held financially responsible when she gets knocked up and insurance doesn't cover it. She has bio's that can help her with that.