SD15 issues
My SS14 who lives with us broke down last night and explained how hypocritcal everything concerning his BM and sister are (as an adult I already had this revelation long ago). After a touchy meeting with BM about the behavior or SD15 she was not only allowed to have her BF over, she had over another friend "x" who is a known drug user...during the meeting she told us she wasn't going to have contact with "x".
Knowing all these lies puts SS14 in a predictament. He also told me that he tried so hard to be friend with his sister but that he can't be himself with her and unless he's acting like a total idiot like her and her friends she doesn't want anything to do with him.
He also told me that the counselor didn't tell SD or BM that SD (who smokes pot, lies, manpiulates and cuts herself) that she didn't need counseling. SD doesn't want to go, so BM told her she doesn't have to.
I'm my DH has disengaged for the most part. She's here for visits but he doesn't put up with her shit. He's offered the counseling and other resources and if she and her BM don't take advantage...he says it's on them. He says he fought this kind of crazy life when he was married to the BM and he won't go through it again. SD and BM are both victims, manipulative, they lie, etc.
I know this sounds cold but SD makes these choices willingly. She doesn't want to change, she thinks her way of life is fine. She lived with us for a year and had the opportunity to make new friends and be involved in school and life in general..she chose to mope around and whine the entire time.
Where does she get that or
Where does she get that or the money for it ? - She babysits and her mother and she lies and says she needs money for McD's with friends, etc.
The focus could be taken off SD and the family could explore their feelings about the divorce. Her issue isn't with the divorce it's with her mother's years of crack addiction...sorry I guess I left that part out.
Her mom's been clean for 3 years but she was an addict and there was nothing we could do to get the kids away. So she learned some really bad habits during her upbringing and refuses to change.
DH could apologize to them for the divorce if he hasn't already. Her Mom is also a lesbian so her dad probably isn't going to appologize for their mom leaving him for another woman.
We won't even be alone with this kid or have private conversations because she manipulates and lies so much. We're scared to death she'll accuse one or both of us of abuse.
We were told by CPS that if
We were told by CPS that if they weren't being physically abused, they went to school, had food and a place to sleep and she didn't use in front of them there was nothing they could do. She got the kids in the beginning, because being a lesbian isn't a reason to pull the kids. Then after a few years when he realized she was using he tried everything, if CPS or someone of authority doesn't catch her in the act, they don't care.
Our courts are very, very biased toward the mother. Also, he's been though counseling with both kids and the BM...she said one thing and did another after the counseling the whole thing was a farce and still is but you can't prove much of anything.
He's a big softy and knew the damage and talked to them about it as much as you can to kids that age.. We have custody of the son because she didn't want him...he's a boy. BMs family has a history of Personality Disorder combined with Bipolar Disorder. BM has also struggled with Disassociative Identity Disorder...again none of these things are enough to get the kids. The girl on the other hand lived with us briefly and went right back to her BM...BM sent her as punishment. He's basically a victim of Parental Alienation but it's hard to prove and most judges don't take it seriously.