I started in a stepmom role 4.5 years ago and from the outset somehow knew intuitively to be disengaged from the stepkids (on the premise that I wouldn't want some new lady telling me what to do). So, in a nutshell, I've been kind and patient, and it hasn't been easy. The kids are now SS17 and SD13 and are only with us every other weekend and on vacations. I have no kids of my own.

I do nice things like get their dad to buy them what they want, cover for them on father's day when they show up empty handed, take SD to the gym with me, make a photo-collage of SS's dog who passed away, etc.

On both ends, the kids have been raised without any responsibility assignment and are given everything they want. They don't know enough to pick up after themselves or chip in with dishes (which I do myself after having made all three meals every day). This kind of gets under my skin, but I've been dealing with it fairly well up until recently.

SS has moved in for the summer; his dad got him a good job. This was arranged without any regard for my feelings, but I was okay with it since I had no choice.

SS can get pretty mouthy and ungrateful to his dad. Also has a temper. So far I have had no problem with him myself, since I refuse to intervene. Then this dumb thing happened last week.

I was sharing my iphone charger with SS for months. It went missing a couple of weeks ago. Last I saw it was when I was stripping his linens; it was tangled up in his dirty work clothes. I decided to just avoid any confrontation, since i only used it for my gym ipod nano and not my phone. I started using my iphone in the gym instead (falls out of my pocket, but oh well).

Then of course he needed the charger again and asked for it. I told him in passing that it was 'gone' and that i hadn't seen it for weeks, and if he'd seen it anywhere. From the next room I could hear him whining to his father that he'd only 'used it once' (bulls**t) and had no idea where it was.

Not wanting to drop the subject (since I get taken for granted all the effing time by all three), the next day I texted his father and asked if they had ever found the charger, and that I wanted to use it before going to the gym. I didn't hear back, but it turned out that father had gone out of his way to go and buy a new one, and just left it in the kitchen where the old one had been shared before it went missing. When I asked about how that all went, he said he had a chat with SS. Also said that within that chat, SS reached back a full year to something that I did and used it to accuse me of hating him.

Long story short, a year ago the four of us were fishing in a boat. The hours passed and I began to need to pee, but the fish were biting. I got to the point where I had to pee sooooo bad, and the sun was going down anyway, so when everyone went to rebait their hooks, I reminded father of my situation and said i was okay with just being driven to shore and I could go in the bush. He made a big scene about how inconvenient and bad timing it was that i had to pee, saying 'Ooooookay, we'll just shut the whole thing down because You have to pee" and he took us all back to the cabin, a 4-min. boat ride. Needless to say, I became absolutely furious at having been belittled and disrespected in front of the kids. When we go on these trips, I do all the cooking and cleaning while everyone else plays cards or mopes around. So i can honestly say that disrespect is not due to me. We got back to the dock, the kids went up to the cabin, and I exploded at their father. 'Why the eff is it such a problem for you that i have to go pee? SS catches a fish, and suddenly I'm an inconvenience?' My temper is in the 99th percentile, so half of my rant was in the 'third language', at a high decibel. It's not a pretty sight.

The story gets better. The next day I woke up still mad. Didn't want to cook or clean for any of them at that point. So I decided to find the landmark that a few days earlier the SS had run out of patience on, ruining the trek for the rest of us. I put my lifejacket on and swam/hiked to the vicinity and started looking. To be honest, I kind of hoped I would come upon a bear or wolf, and then I could just offer myself back to creation. That's how low I can get.

I ended up finding the landmark. The trail wound and wound up the rock formation to the 'lookout'. The first thing I saw at the top was a loveseat, and I cried. I would have so loved to have my husband there with me, to sit together and enjoy the view. I'm always joking with him that I want to get a LaZBoy loveseat, and a Muskoka chair loveseat, and so on so we can be close. I regretted my actions but also felt that my feelings were well founded.

Back to the present, I guess SS heard his name in my rant, and his ego is telling him that I was hating on him. This is not true, as I have described.

At this point, I am insulted that SS thinks I hate him. I see it as a cop-out on the real issue at hand, which was simply that he lost something of mine (again, i wasn't going to bring it up at all; he did that). He knows I don't hate him. I laugh at his saucy remarks all the time, the kid can be funny. I make his lunch every night (not that I want to) while he plays video games . We've never had any issues. I do make comments to his father when he gets mouthy, though.

SS telling his father that he thinks I hate him has been somewhat damaging. It has created IMMENSE stress on my side. His father has said angrily 'he's afraid of you, because of your stupid rant'. Also, father thinks I'm petty for asking after my charger. He thinks I should have bought a replacement myself. Like his son, he has no regard for my side of the story. This is all reminiscent of the fishing incident. I think I'm seen as a big a-hole now, and that's NOT FAIR. Wtf?

I am so stressed out by this. I don't handle it well when crappy people are favoured in a situation, and I get sh&t on. I am a nervous wreck. I bought cigarettes last night and went for a drive. I've slept on the couch for two nights. In some ways I'd rather be dead. No one is hearing me. I have other MEGA MEGA stress such as trying to find a good job (currently doing consulting work, but not enough hours). I guess there's nothing anyone can say, right? Thank you for reading.

p.s. the father makes it too stressful for me to create space for myself. i mentioned i wanted to start going to gym in evenings instead, quite frankly to get some room. he gets all pissed off and thinks i'm on the prowl...so in essence im in jail.