Noooo! Skids living with us FT
The last three and a half weeks have left me regretting my decision to get married. DH and I married 3.5 years ago. He has two kids SS14 and SD12. The kids lived FT with BM up until three and a half weeks ago. We got them EOWE and I was able to deal with that. DH works a lot. More than I feel he should, but he loves his jobs and enjoys working long hours. It wasn't a huge issue when the skids didn't live with us, but now they do and I honestly hate being in my home. It stinks! I mean really stinks.
SS14 does not like bathing. He doesn't like being clean in the slightest and it makes it impossible to be in the same room as him. He craps in the toilet and leaves it there. I've sometimes found traces of it on the toilet seat in the skids bathroom as I was passing by. I've resorted to locking up our other two bathrooms so he can't use it. I'm not going to have guests see that. I'd be so embarrassed and disgusted. This boy also throws stuff on the floor and doesn't pick up after himself. I've seen dirty socks in the living room that smell that bad, I keep my little boy out of there now. I don't want him finding it and...you know. SS14 also eats with his hands and spits food back onto his plate. DH doesn't do much at all, which disgusts me.
SD12 isn't quite as bad. But she's not a believer in TP. She stained her bed sheets last week. DH asked if I was going to clean them and I said no, I was just going to avoid going near hers or SSs bedrooms, because I think he might have dead things in there.
These kids are also extremely cruel. My username is the name my little sister (22) calls me. She's has the mind of a child and I used to look after her sometimes. But the skids would make fun of her and were just so cruel when they spoke about her. I had to tell my mom I couldn't do it anymore. I felt so bad. But she thought it was for the best. Especially when DH just rolled his eyes and said "kids are jerks". Sometimes I wonder if he doesn't try harder because he knows he's not home much or if he really just doesn't care... Or a little of both.
I fear for my son. I don't leave him in the living room when they're in there and I don't let either of them watch him for me. If I need someone, I go to my neighbor. SD asked me when he was 3 weeks old if he'd be retarded like my little sister. Then she laughed. And I had to leave the room.
It's gotten to the point DH's parents won't even watch or take skids for anything. They would rather take our son than them. MIL even told me she doesn't think they'll be visiting our home as much because of the constant smell, plus she doesn't want to see SS eating. :sick: To be honest, neither do I, which is why I normally eat in the kitchen with my son and leave them to eat wherever. It's not worth the argument. I'm not their parent. I cook for them and that's it. They and DH have to figure the rest out for themselves.
I also think SD might be dating or at least close to being sexually active. She hangs out with these two boys a lot and she has sleep overs with them, which I personally don't get. But DH thinks it's fine since the parents are good. I know SS has had sex in the past. Not sure about now. Probably, if there's another girl his age who likes filth. IDK.
I'm thinking of leaving the living room for the skids and using the smaller living room for us and any guests we have. I think it would be the safest. Plus I could keep that door closed and get some of the smell out of the house. Maybe. I'd like to think so anyway. Something will have to happen because I miss having people over, especially my in-laws who keep me sane during the week sometimes. Especially MIL who dotes on my son.
I also loved that her H
I also loved that her H expected the OP to clean up the dirty sheets on the SD's bed.
How old is your son? There's
How old is your son? There's no way in hell I would live like that or allow my DS to be exposed to that. Sounds like SD may have her own kiddo soon that would be living there too.
Time to draw a line in the sand with what you expect and will not tolerate. The ladies here are great at giving advice about these sorts of talks without getting your DH defensive. Maybe you can enlist your in laws subtly.
There is no way you should
There is no way you should put up with this! They are living under YOUR roof, not vice versa! Nip in the bud... AND FAST! Before it becomes even more of a health issue! Force DH to take some action for his own two gross offspring.(And how are these two CHILDREN bothxually active when one is an obvious pig and the other doesn't believe in toilet paper? Ugh... I guess kids will jump at any chance to be naughty. Gross!)
I'm afraid you're going to have to force DH's hand. He MUST take responsibility for this & correct it. Otherwise your DS is going to grow up thinking this behavior is ok. And again, this is YOUR home. Don't bow down to these pigs and give it away to them. YOU have worked for this house. YOU take care of it. YOU deserve to have it kept anyway you want it. And that means clean, free of odor and welcoming for the guests you want to have over!
What does your DH think about his own parents not wanting to visit because of the odor? Was he not absolutely mortified?
Crew.
Crew.
dood, I thought the same
dood, I thought the same thing.
Put your foot down. Tell
Put your foot down.
Tell your piece of shit H that he is to deal with this now. Not tomorrow, not next week, but now.
He actually had the balls to ask you if you were going to clean his daughter's shit stained sheets? Really?
Of course he loves working long hours, then he has the perfect excuse not to engage his family or deal with the fallout from his shitty parenting.
I'm going to be harsh. Grow a f**king spine and tell your H to parent his children and that he is going to get home in time to help clean up their messes. Remind him you're not their mother and it's not your job to parent or clean up after them.
Give him a timeline and mean it.
Oh...and if you're not already working, get a damn job. You're going to need it when you divorce his dumb ass.
^^^^THIS, Shaman. EVERY
^^^^THIS, Shaman. EVERY WORD!^^^^
I would tell him if your not
I would tell him if your not here to take care of your children then they need to be with bm or you have to find somewhere else for them to stay. I made my husband do this at one time because ss would hit my kids, kick the doorsand scream at me. I told him I'm not babysitter and I'm not mom. Find somewhere for him to go or he will be dropping him off with Mom. Well one morning the tried it, ss was left with me and he acted out. His mom goes to work at 5 in the morning. He started screaming and yelling and kicking th things I took him to moms work and dropped him off with her.
Skids live with us FT because
Skids live with us FT because BM left. She doesn't want to be a parent anymore and dumped them on us. We have no idea where she is, so we can't ship them back. If I could, I would have done it after a few days of having them here.
My in-laws have told DH he should be ashamed of himself for allowing this type of behavior. He got annoyed and said he was doing his best. My MIL asked him if he thought about how it would affect our son, living with these animals (yes she used that word) and he got flustered and left the room. They looked at me with shock on their faces. I had told them he was like that when it was brought up, but I think they had to see it for themselves.
At this point, I'm looking at places my son and I could move to. But I'm also gathering proof of the way DH and the skids live so when I do leave, I won't have to worry about sending my son over. There is no way in hell I want my baby with those two every weekend.
Nothing I do will make DH parent his kids. NOTHING. I've tried. I even asked him to ask his friends why they no longer come over to our house. He closes down and says no. He's told me it's not that bad, but even HE won't go into the living room.
I'm starting to wonder if this was going on at BM's house and this is why she just up and left.
If it's that bad take them
If it's that bad take them to his work, I have done that too. I also started an award system for my skids and mine. We have one really fun outing a week and we will go out to eat that day also. If chores are done they get to go if not they don't get to go. I would make sure there is no extras during the week like Xbox and t.v. Tell them they can have it on the weekend when the house is clean. It took us a year of doing this but all the kids do their chores if they don't no extras.
WTF. His own parents can't
WTF.
His own parents can't stand their grandchildren and he just shrugs?
Tell him that if he won't parent then he needs to ask the state to step in and take custody of the children because they are not YOUR problem. Harsh? Sure. But they're NOT YOUR PROBLEM and they sound like little assholes. IF we were talking sweet little 3 and 5 year olds who just had to be taught better I'd say "take over, tell them you're the mom in that house and you make the rules and they need to stick to it" but at their ages and being such little shits? Just do whatever it takes to get them the hell OUT.