I'm tired of my SD weight controlling my life
My husband has 13 year old twins (boy and girl) who are currently over-weight. Also their BM is over-weight, she's bed-bound due to her weight. It's like I'm the only person who sees a problem with a 13 year old girl wearing a women's size 24. His son wears a 40 inch in jeans. My SS is a little more active and will walk with us or play basketball with us. However the daughter won't do a darn thing. She won't even play our Wii b/c it's "too much work." Her weight is controlling everything we do...We can't sit in booths at restaurants b/c his daughter can't fit due to her stomach. We can't ride in the same car unless I sit in the backseat with my daughter and his son. His daughter rides in the front...the 3 children can't fit on the same row. . My husband has a Cadillac Seville, which is a larger car. Amusement parks as a family are out b/c the SD can not fit in most rides. We have to walk extremely slow b/c she claims we walk too fast. If we go to the movies we have to buy an extra seat b/c the arm rest hurt her sides. My family is going on a cruise. My husband can't go on 2 excursions with us b/c SD is over the weight restrictions for parasailing and zip-lining. If we go to Walmart or Target she refuses to walk around..she'll wait in the front on the bench. My only saving grace is my DH refused to let her use the mobile-wheelchair at Target or Walmart. She claims her aunt lets her use them b/c walking hurts her ankles.
One day she missed the bus for school. The twins both go to the same school, the brother left her behind. He said she was heating up some food and taking too long. So I go to pick her up and she comes out with a bowl. The bowl smells like taco seasoning. I asked SD what was she eating and her reply was taco salad. It was 7:15am!! I told her to take the bowl in the house b/c she can't eat that in front of me...it's too early. She huffed and took the bowl back inside. I told my DH and he said he'll talk to the BM. On another occasion we went over to BM house to drop off some clothes. This was around 9am on a Saturday. The SD was sitting in the floor eating cheese fries with ranch salad dressing. Getting pass this is the most disgusting thing I ever saw :sick: :barf: it was too early. Also the mother had a plate of fries to. On one hand my DH will say he needs to do this and that about their weight. However he buys her some of the junk food. Just today she texted my DH and asked if he can bring over some peppers for her nachos. I just don't get it. Oh and my husband will complain b/c the stores don't carry her size. I just want to scream A 13 YEAR OLD CHILD ISN'T SUPPOSE TO WEAR A 4X SHIRT AND A 24 IN JEANS WTH!!!
Her weight controls everything we do and I'm so tired of it. I'm tired of hearing about the prices of the medication she takes due to her weight. I'm tired of hearing how he can't buy her clothes at normal teen stores. I'm tired of hearing how she can't wear most sneakers. I'm tired of sitting in the back seat of a car if we go some where as a group. I"m tired of not traveling b/c he has to buy an extra airline ticket for her. I'm tired of her not wanting to walk up the stairs to a better seat at the movies, so we have to seat in front of the freaking screen. If she had a legitimate medical reason, of course I would feel differently. However she doesn't...she eats all day, just like her mother. If my DH and her BM don't seem to care, I'm so done altering my life for this mess....feel it's time to disengage.
OMG... just...OMG... I have
OMG... just...OMG... I have no advice, just loads and loads of sympathy and (((hugs))).
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Rome wasn't built in a day, and my marriage won't be either.
Oh the poor girl! To allow
Oh the poor girl! To allow her to get to that point is child abuse, in my opinion.
Are you sure there's no medical reason for her overeating? Has she seen a doctor? This is SERIOUS!
Wow. I just can't get over it. Imagine how she must feel about herself! Just wow.
WOW..... just wow..... I'm
WOW..... just wow..... I'm so sorry! I honestly don't know what else to say!
First of all, if BM is bed
First of all, if BM is bed bound, how is she taking care of her children? No offense but DH needs to get these kids to the doctor and get them on a SERIOUS weight control program. They need to exercise, the don't need to die of a heart attack at 20. I agree that it's child abuse & somebody needs to do something now!
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
Is your DH open to helping
Is your DH open to helping her? If he's anything like mine he is paralyzed by fear of hurting her feelings. We have to avoid any mention of being over weight.
Can you get the school to help you recommend a healthy weight loss/exercise program? Then make it a family goal to be more healthy? Or enlist the help of a doctor to lay out for her the health risk and serious need to get in better shape.
I've seen with my SD that just getting her involved in activities helps her from over eating. But again, some kids are lazy and don't want to participate.
It's an impossible situation to be in, to sit and watch it.
I agree with the others that it should be considered abuse, schools should report it.
My SS will be moving in with
My SS will be moving in with us when school is out. The BM has a 2 story house but can't walk up the stairs to her bedroom. So now her bedroom is the living room. They are moving into a one level house in May, which is when my SS will move in with us. The one level house is only a 2 bedroom. She's married, so I'm assuming her husband does the cooking. They take the school bus to and from school. Expect on Mon and Wed b/c my SS is in an afterschool program. So on those days my husband will pick them up. On the weekend they come to our place. When the moving arrangement was made, the BM told my DH that his daughter said she doesn't want to live with us. My DH doesn't want to force her out of fear she will be unhappy. The school is involved, but SD will make every excuse not to participate in activities. She'll forget her gym clothes, claims she has cramps, or ask to help in the library. We purchased Wii Fit a few months back and she refused to touch it. She won't even play the fun games on the Wii. Her mother has her thinking she's perfect and we're jealous. She'll say things like it's more to love, or society needs to change what's pretty. Now I do believe beauty comes in all shapes, sizes and colors. However good health does not come in all shapes and sizes. You can be too skinny just like you can be too over weight.
She had an appointment with a physician, dietician and counselor. Her metabolism is fine, her thyroid is fine...she's just like her mother. The counselor said she's a very happy child. The dietician was honest. He said it's no point to keep bringing her b/c the BM was the problem. Of course the BM refuses to come to any appointments. Or to allow any house visits, which was an extra $150. We offered to pay!! OMG I have a headache
I would venture to guess
I would venture to guess that most of her food is consumed in front of the tv too huh? and she can recite every commercial by heart, and knows every reality star going?
I've become anti tv seeing what it can do to an already lazy child with lazy parents.
I wish I had advice for you on how to deal with her putting limits on your life because of her weight. I'm sure it builds a lot of resentment.
It will be summer soon. Can
It will be summer soon. Can you sign them up for one of those camps for heavier kids? Also, she's 13 years old!! Tell her when she doesn't want to do something, she doesn't have a choice in the matter. No sitting up front on a bench at Wal-mart.
I feel kind of sorry for her too - it's not like she has a good example with her mother.
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Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!
I think this is some really
I think this is some really good advice. I might add talking with her about how many calories she needs to maintain her weight and how more calories will cause gain, less will/should cause weight loss. Then ask her to keep an honest food diary, jot down everything she eats, not to be held up to make her feel worse but to give her a tool to control it herself.
Most people have not idea how many calories they truely consume or how much some foods have in them.
How old does she have to be
How old does she have to be before they can perform gastric bypass because I would say that is probably the only thing that is going to save this child's life. That IS child abuse. I would bet good money that based on the mother's extreme weight and eating habits, your DH could win custody of the kids for health reasons. The fact that the mother is both setting the terrible example and allowing her child to eat all day along with her is neglectful at best and abusive at worst. I would go for custody and then put that child on a walking and dieting regime with doctor's approval.
I agree she's too young,
I agree she's too young, right now. That's why I said "How old does she have to be..." Did you read my whole comment?
The kid probably needs some
The kid probably needs some kind of counseling too.
As far as exercise goes, she might be able to swin or she can move her arms while seated with some light weights. She needs some serious medical attention to get back to a healthy weight. I would start by having DH call her current doctor and get the lowdown on EVERYTHING. If that doc doesn't seem up to snuff, get another one. Maybe find one that has had success in treating obese youngsters.
This is very, very sad. That poor child has had a fun active childhood stolen from her by taking up the bad habits of her mom. And I feel her dad is to blame as well, he could have intervened before it got this bad.
it has to be a form of child
it has to be a form of child abuse to let a child get that big (if nothing medical is going on). omg i cant beleive this!
I agree with all of
I agree with all of you....this is child abuse. I'm just tired of trying to help. We have no junk food in our house. She'll sneak the bad food over in her over-night bag. On Fridays they take the school bus directly to our house. There is a gas station behind us. She'll walk there and get some snacks. Yes my DH has told them they are not allowed at the gas station. But somehow snack wrappers are found in the trash. I don't talk negatively towards her, I love her. I was so sympathetic in the beginning. I felt so bad that my husband would allow this to happen. In fact we had a long engagement b/c of it. I couldn't see loving a man who would hurt his children this way. Before I met his children he had a cute phrase that would describe them...they were "big boned" I remember if him and I went to the mall I would pick out clothing for my daughter and ask if his daughter wanted one. He would say....my princess is a little bigger for that. Or she's "big boned" When I met them face to face I was shocked. When my DH and I became engaged, I began suggesting doctor appointments, purchasing a Wii, and eliminating fruit juices. My DH was the king of pastries and juices. I'm just tired of being the only one trying....I'm the BM of a 14 year old. I don't want to miss out on her b/c I'm trying to save my SD alone.
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First... I'm sorry but having to sit in the backseat while she's up front? Thats just degrading. Second... I would try irradicating fat from the house. Seriously if you and DH need to keep anything that's not a fruit or vegetable or chicken as an ingrediant, keep it under lock and key. Change to spray butter etc etc. If you have to keep a fridge full of bad ingrediants under lock and key... do it. Send her to a camp it will give her a change to bond with others who struggle but try to make changes rather than her mother who it sounds like doesn't want to change.
I seriously would keep anything that's not a non starchy vegetable, wheat biscuit cereal, or whole fruit out of the picture. Your DH has a responisibility to form this child for the future. Right now, she and her brother likely have no future. Apply to TV shows if money is an issue, see about grants. Talk to the school, the state, even feds might have a program for this. See about a sponsorship to a weight loss camp. Put the whole family on a diet. Start making her go for a 5 minute walk a day, then ten. There's hundreds who can guide you through this. None of it will work if DH isn't on board.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0MszxcX7_I
Get the book. Make DH watch this. I'm here to help if you need it and I'm wishing you the absolute best of luck.
Hello, I am new to this
Hello,
I am new to this website. I have been looking for a step parenting site...and I happened to find this site!!! :o)
I just wanted to say that I am sorry that you are having to deal with this...and deal with this alone. I can sort of understand what you are going through. My step daughter is 10yrs old and she can wear the same size pants as me. I am a size 8. And the size 8 is actually not even the right size. But because of how short she is and that she is not built like a woman yet the pants dont fit her correctly. Her belly hangs over her pants...which I cant stand..because when she bends over her butt crack hangs out. Her mom is over weight as well. So I know thats one reason why she is over weight. I dont see how everyone can think that a 10yr old that is prob at least 130 pounds is healthy. She is not even 5 feet tall yet. I am the only one who is trying to do anything about her weight. I am very diligent about providing her good food. Vegetables and fruit...lots of water....and proper portions for a 10 year old. I have talked to her grandma (my fiance's mom) about her weight. His mom agrees that she is heavier than she should be but its just talk. She says she is helping her because she makes sure she has fat free ice cream and fruit pops for her. But if you eat that all the time it doesnt matter. His mom also gives her the same portion size that my fiance eats. And he is 6'2" and 230lbs. So he can eat. But he is a big guy. I have told his mom that she can help his daughter by basically tricking her mind (because I think its her brain saying she is hungry and her body is saying no Im full) by giving her her food on a smaller plate that way she thinks she is still getting the same amount because the plate will be full. Thats what I do here for her. And she is just fine. At his moms house and at her house she eats what she wants when she wants. She doesnt ask. If there is a hoho in the cupboard and she wants it she eats it. At my house....oh no. She has to ask for stuff. I told her the only thing she doesn't have to ask to have at my house is water. She can have all the water she wants. Anything else I want her to ask for because she doesnt need to just eat and eat.
So I do understand your frustration. I don't have any other children. But my fiance' and I are getting married next year and we plan on having children together. I have told him that our children will not be like her. I am going to do everything I can to help our children stay and be as healthy as possible. If his daughter stays on the same course she will prob have type 2 diabetes next year. Im sure of it. She gets out of breath just running a few feet. She wines and cries when we go bike riding. She doesn't like to go for walks if she does she complains about her feet hurting after a while. So I know that she definately needs help. She wont do any sports activities anymore either. Two years ago she was in soccer. Now she won't. The only thing she signed up for this last year was Girl Scouts (and I swear it was just for the cookies...and her mom signed her up. And all the stuff seamed to happen on my fiance's weekend!!GRRR!!!)
WE all definately need to come up with something to help these children that are over weight. It saddens me that other family memebers cant see how terrible this is for the child. They are so worried about hurting their feelings so they give in and forget that they are hurting them physically. I just dont get it.
SS36 was obese when he was
SS36 was obese when he was little, He is now very health and fit, he was a MMA fighter in his 20's and now has a garden and makes healthy and balanced meals(he does alot of the cooking at his house).He remebers that I was the only one when he was little who fed him properly/healthily, he mentions it often.
It's impossible to thin down an obese child if everyone in there life isn't on board. On a lighter note all 3 of my (skinny) kids heat up leftover Chinese for breakfast, the smell that early in the morning makes me wanna :sick: :sick: ! lol