A little perturbed - long
I've been thinking about this for the last couple of days, and I'm really at a loss of what to say or do.
SD is obese, as is her mother. 5'4", 180-ish, will be 13 in less than 2 weeks. She comes by it genetically, at least a little bit - DH was quite a chubby teen until he developed a little bit of an eating/exercise disorder when he was a junior in high school and dropped 4 pants sizes. Then he joined the Army and has been extremely active his entire adult life, so he's at a healthy weight. BM was always a heavy girl, but now.... SD tells us that she eats healthy, exercises, and is *taking medically prescribed injections* but is not diabetic and canNOT lose weight. I'm fairly certain that SD is a bit confused about what is REALLY going on, but I can't think of anything that is related to weight that requires injections in the stomach other than insulin. All I really want to know is if BM is liable to drop dead without warning - we need to make some plans if that's the case.
Anyway, there were a couple of things that struck me as odd last week. As far as I can tell, SD doesn't understand what a "portion" of food is. As long as I have known her, she has always over-eaten. Twice last week she tried to push reasonable portions away, claiming she was full. (Once we made her finish, it was a small bowl of homemade gumbo, after eating nearly nothing all day) The second time bugged me. She LOVES boiled crawfish. The entire family went out specifically for crawfish, and SD ordered the small order. She gave 1/3 of it away, bolted for the bathroom immediately after, and told me she was still full over 12 hours later the next morning as a reason to refuse breakfast.(we were grabbing it quick before turning her over to BM) Two years ago, she was begging for a large portion of crawfish, pouting when she wasn't allowed it, finished what she was allowed and then made a pest of herself begging for more from other people's plates, so it's not like she physically *can't* eat that much. The only other thing she ate that day that I'm certain of was a small smoothie. There was food around all day and I can't be certain that she wasn't snacking, but I didn't see her snack at all the entire week. Heck, I didn't see her eat breakfast most of the week.
Anybody have experience with eating disorders? When I was SD's age, I was eating like a horse, but I was a skinny kid and I was playing two sports - running 3-5 miles a day - so I never budged over 115 lbs. I know I'm probably overreacting, but to see her shove away her favorite foods when I've NEVER seen her limit herself... I found it disturbing. I know she knows about eating disorders, but sometimes the temptation to be skinny and the feeling of control are tough to resist. I know I'm a bit obsessive-compulsive about eating (now), so I do know that temptation.
I kinda want to say something to BM - not in an accusing way, but just as a "I noticed something a little different, I hope I'm wrong." I told DH, but he blew me off. I guess I'll just worry and wait for the next time we get visitation for longer than a week.
~Trish
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Wow, be careful
with this one. First, bolting to the bathroom after eating is a HUGE red flag. Hopefully she is NOT making herself puke. Second, if BM is overweight and is trying to lose weight, SD may see this as a way for her to lose weight as well. Though, NOT eating is NOT healthy. Third, you need to be extremely careful with the way you approach this subject with her. her self esteem is likely in the toilewt already and you def do not want make it worse. Fourth, be very careful how you approach BM. I don't know how your relationship w/BM is, but she will likely take offense to anything regarded as weight related. IF you do approach her, just ask if SD is feeling well, b/c you noticed that she hasn't been eating lately????
Thanks, Sia
The bolting to the bathroom was odd, to say the least, but it was a public restaurant bathroom, so I really don't think she'd do anything like that.
With all the people around (7-10 people) meals were pretty unscheduled. Leftovers were in the fridge, and it was mostly fend for yourself. Sweets were all over the place. Cookies, birthday cake, brownies, fudge, you name it, and it all disappeared FAST. I saw her eat gumbo on Sunday evening, fast food Monday lunch, and she was pushing away gumbo that evening. I asked her what else she ate and it was a couple cookies and some cake batter, so we made her finish that small bowl. I didn't see her eat at all Tuesday, but she had some fried chicken and prime rib (SIL cooked a prime rib roast w/broccoli, carrots, and mashed potatoes) on Weds, I saw her eat turkey on Thursday, I didn't see on Friday, and Saturday was the smoothie and crawfish. I don't think she ate breakfast at all, but it was a struggle getting her to eat that this summer too.
Like I said, it was just a couple things that struck me as odd, and then thinking back, I couldn't remember her eating much at all. She also made a couple remarks about not being hungry all day, or being still full long after she should have been hungry. If we had her to ourselves, I would be better able to assess what she's doing, but with the insanity, it didn't occur to me, since this is a child who would constantly snack when we had her.
I feel like a total hypocrite as well. Sometimes I feel like I have a touch of anorexia myself - I get very OCD about limiting quantities and sugar. I lost 20 lbs in Iraq last year, and dropped another 5 in the last year through restriction. It doesn't help that I did this while I was hypothyroid with a VERY slow metabolism - I'm sure I was only eating 800-1000 calories/day.
BM and I do NOT get along. Not in the slightest. She is syrupy sweet to my face, and I can manage to make small talk - barely. I complimented SD's behavior at the drop-off and talked about when I will deploy when she asked, but that was it. DH being a *very* NCP - 1 week at either Christmas, Thanksgiving, or Easter, and 6 weeks in the summer *if* he isn't deployed, like he will be next year - makes it tough for us to say *anything*.
~Trish
There are some injectable meds for T-1 Diabetics - not insulin.
One is called Byetta. It is on label for T-2 (Adult Onset) Diabetics and has two primary functions. 1. Insulin sensitizer - Makes the body use insulin more effectively. 2. Significantly reduces appetite.
One primary side effect for many who take it is significant weight loss. Another is moderate to severe nausea. Your SDs bolt to the loo could indicate Byetta use. You may want to check it out with her Doc to see if BM has her on Byetta. Some Docs are starting to Rx it off label to non diabetics and T-1 diabetics as a weight loss aid.
I am not a Doctor but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.
Actually I am a Juvenile Onset T-1 Diabetic and have some familiarity (more than 28 years) with Diabetes treatments and blood glucose control methodologies.
Regardless of metabolic challenges that heavy people may face (I struggle with the mid forties bulge myself) it really is just a calories in VS calories out problem. Eat less, move more, loose weight. In my layman's opinion of course.
NC,
Gumbo and Craw-fish? Can you adopt me? That is some of my favorite stuff. Cajun and Creole food is awesome!
Best regards,
Rags, I didn't know that
I know that SD isn't diabetic (it's BM who's injecting herself) and she *does* know what diabetes is - my MIL, SD's grandmother, is a recently diagnosed T2 diabetic, as is my brother-in-law, so we talked about it quite a bit. SD was pretty emphatic that that's not what's up with her mother because when she said injections, MIL, myself, and SIL (an EMT) immediately asked about diabetes/insulin. Of course, I haven't been too impressed with SD's information retention abilities, so I'm thinking that may be what's up with BM. Byetta might be it though, since she's supposedly eating healthy and exercising, and (forgive me ladies who carry a couple extra pounds) she's still big enough that the bright green top she wore on Saturday looked like a circus tent and could be seen across two parking lots.
doG forbid it's Clomid she's injecting.
My concern is for SD - I know what OCD eating is like, and wanting just. one. more. pound. gone. does to the self-esteem. She and MIL made comments about how skinny I am (5'4", 125) but I think I was eating more than SD last week, and it worries me.
Thanks for the drug info! More stuff I didn't know....
~Trish
TYPO -- Header should have read T-2 not T-1.
NC,
Byetta is on label for T-2 diabetics. It is used off label for T-1s. I have used it as an insulin sensitizer and it works pretty well to help keep my dosages down.
Sorry for the typo.
Best regards,
Rick
DH talked to BM
He didn't want to be pushy about SD, and BM blew him off - told him she was just fine. At least, being a 10% time NCP means she can't blame ME if something IS wrong. I'm slightly ashamed to admit that while I don't *think* I'm anorexic, my strict rules for myself are probably not totally healthy for a teenager to see.
BM, on the other hand.... DH asked if everything was okay because if her health is bad it could impact us. She says, and I quote, "It's not diabetes, it's not life-threatening, it's for my syndrome. I have to fix a couple things to take care of other issues." DH thought it was for obesity, but since he told me she has endometriosis and I'm betting PCOS.... Can we say fertility drugs? We'll see.
~Trish