How do you encourage a child with no social skills?
Help! My 13 year old SD has limited social skills and is super awkward socially. I've noticed odd behavior that is concerning to me and brought it up to my DH and he gets defensive and shuts down. We only have her every other weekend so time is limited as to helping her when she's around us.
Here are a few traits:
anxious and unsure what to say in social situations
does not make eye contact
has an extremely odd and gangly gait
very odd sense of humor full of puns
doesn't get sarcasm
takes everything literally
super naive about the world in general
easily distracted and fidgety
does not know when it is her turn to talk in a conversation
stumbles and trips very often
does not know appropriate space to leave between people when talking
wears inappropriate clothing for the season (winter coats in summer, etc)
has trouble with personal hygiene
I'm wondering if anyone here has dealt with anything similar and can give me tips on how to deal with or help her become more socially adjusted in the limited time we spend together?
Get her a therapist. I
Get her a therapist. I struggled with severe social anxiety around 15 years old and it was awful. But a lot of what you've listed sounds a bit more extensive than social anxiety or general awkwardness. Is it possible she's on the spectrum? I don't know too much about autism or other similar things but it might be worth looking into.
I've talked about this with
I've talked about this with DH many times and he gets offended and shuts down. There isn't really anything I can do for her if her bio parents are resistant or don't acknowledge anything is "wrong" with her. I highly suspect she has many overlapping mental issues that she could use help with to make things easier for her. My hands feel tied at this point.
It is very hard to accomplish
It is very hard to accomplish when she is only with you ever other weekend and the BM is not on board to work with her at her house. And, the fact that your husband is in denial.
It's also hard to change someone's personality and some of those could just be personality traits or she could grow out of some of it (provided there is not an underlying mental issue).
My SD is 26 and still acts like she did when was 13. Has no clue what to talk about, is awkward around people, has no personality, moves very, very slowly, is naive, lazy.. I could go on and on. Her personal hygiene is fine but her apartment is absolutely disgusting.
DH and I tried to work with her and lead by example (we've been together since she was 5), and some things stuck (like the hygiene,) but there's not much we could do about getting her a personality. She's enabled by her mother and the state, so her laziness persists, despite DH constantly telling her she needs to get a job.
It's frustrating, to say the least.
In my case, BM has never wanted her daughter to succeed at anything, so that she would be dependent on BM - best to keep her dumbed down and socially awkward. And SD goes along with it because it's easier.
It's been hard to watch all these years.
O/T Suggestion: You should
O/T Suggestion: You should create a blog. It would be lots easier to follow your story and concerns than jumping around on Forum boards. Plus, you would have more editorial control of the thread. Good luck
Very nice suggestion I'll try
Very nice suggestion I'll try that
Sounds very much like my SS14
Sounds very much like my SS14 who is on the autistic spectrum. He is exactly the same. Read up on how to deal with it, there is great information online. At least in the couple days per month she's with you, she could have some sort of consistency, routine and a bit of guidance.
How is the BM? Is she willing to help her daughter? Is she currently receiving help? Seems very limited based on the bio parents don't want to acknowledge that there are any issues. If your DH isn't willing to do something, there's really nothing you can do. You can't care more than her parents. I can totally relate to your frustration.
So...i really think you
So...i really think you should just stay out of it. You are making the mistake that a lot of SMs make. You are wanting to swoop in and "fix" the skid. Just don't even try.
1). Not your child.
2). Your DH does not think anything is wrong with his DD so you trying to point out her issues is just going to make him mad.
3). Her "issues" sound like most hormonal 13 year olds.
4). Your DH gets her 4 days a month so you will not be able to "fix" her.
Just try to enjoy the four days a month and don't try to point out the flaws you think you see in her. It is just not good. Let dad handle his kid the way he wants.