Stepdad With Stepdaughter Problem
I originally posted this in the general discussion forum, but someone suggested I share it here as well. Am I the only only one in the world having this problem? Surely not.
So, I've been with my wife as a couple for almost 6 years, we've lived together and been married around 3 1/2 years. So, I've been in my stepdaughter's life since she was 7. She is now 13. I see a ton of women on here with problems with their husbands' daughters, but what about men who's wives' daughter is a problem? I feel like I got a year and a half maybe two years of what seemed to be a sweet young lady, but since she was about 9 or around 10 she has progressively become more of the attitudinal, over dramatic pre-teen teenager. (Sidenote:I have no boilogical children of my own and they are never going to be an option in my marriage.) She's rude and disrespectful towards me and her mother, but 90% of the time when I try to correct her it turns into an all out screaming match, it seems, and then I wind up getting scolded by her mother, usually in front of our daughter(this infuriates me). I often feel that as a step parent i have absolutely no control in the house that i work hard to pay for and work hard at upkeeping. It really does depress me quite often that I always seem to be turned into the bad guy in my own house all of the time and there is no where to go and nobody to talk to about it.
Go for family conselling,
Go for family conselling, communicate your feelings and try to agree on solutions like expectations concerning behaviour and discipline. Honestly these step kids shouldn't be a problem at all because kids can be controlled, the only problem is the bio parent because only they have the power to put their kids in their place. It is said that the most challenge when it comes to step families is conflicts when it comes to parenting and discipline of step kids, the bio parent and the step parent have different expectations, different standards and different methods of discipline and different ideas of what is appropriate and what is not. My DH thinks it's okay to allow SS to stay up till midnight watching TV on a school week, or to play outside until after 6PM and i think SS must have a curfew but DH thinks i just want to be hard on SS for nothing. Well some things don't really matter and are not worth fighting over but some things are. My advise is tell you spouse how you feel and agree on rules, guidelines, behaviour expectations, standards, house chore responsibilities for the teen etc.
Yeah, agree. This is about a
Yeah, agree. This is about a conflict between OP and spouse. You can expect a teen girl to be horrible (some of the time). But this all seems to boil down to different expectations.
My DH had this problem, but
My DH had this problem, but it was with his ex’s son.
I agree that it is a bioparent thing. His ex Wouldn’t let him discipline the kid and since the kid knew that, he got away with murder (not literally, thank goodness).
My DH was not in a great situation from the start though. He was was trying to do the right thing by marrying biomom because she was pregnant. He was ready to not date her anymore when he found out. Yikes.
Talk with your wife. I hope things improve for you.
I get how you feel
I get how you feel
"I often feel that as a step parent i have absolutely no control in the house that i work hard to pay for and work hard at upkeeping. It really does depress me quite often that I always seem to be turned into the bad guy in my own house all of the time and there is no where to go and nobody to talk to about it."
Talk to your wife and try to get her to see your point and if she is not willing to let you play an active role then stop and decide on how to handle household finances, if she is not willing to give you any authority over SKids in the house then you shouldn't be financially responsible for anything related to SKids
I stopped trying to be involved in SS activities for that same reason and of course it also ment stopped being financially responsible for their needs and wants. Unfortunately also impacted my relationship with SD (who I had a great relationship with).