Simple question, at what point should a boy "man up"?
Ive got a 7y/o SS who is a little mummys boy, she does everything for him and he gets away with it. The other two, SS14 and SD9 are great kids that I would be proud to call my own, but he, to pur it bluntly is a whining little b**ch, the other two have noticed that their discipline has a lot of attention and he gets away with everything, funny thing is the same excuse has been in action for years now, hes only X years old... only the number changes, the 2 others have never once had that excuse used and even they feel that they are treated unfairly. So at what age should his mum say, well tough shit, youre a boy, you need to deal with it yourself, or will it always be that the youngest will always get away with the most, even though at his age the other 2 didnt? Also, how o you deal wih a 7 Y/O staring at you constantly when he knows that it infuriates you? Answers please....
still waiting on ss24 to "man
still waiting on ss24 to "man up".
Although now the consequences fall to him (like spending 10 days in jail).
Outof interest, do you make
Outof interest, do you make your feelings of disappointment known to him or do you make excuses for him, and would you treat any of your kids with favouritism over the others?
Chances are she treated each
Chances are she treated each of kids that way until the next one came along.
He's staring at you because he knows it bugs you and there isn't anything you can do to stop it.
Sorry, but it's one thing on
Sorry, but it's one thing on mom allowing certain things and YOU allowing certain things. There are many who think it's ok for an 11yr old to do laundry, heck, it's expected...but I don't make my 10yr old do that...I think that's a mom's responsibility...that's how I was raised...and I learned how to do my own laundry when I had to...so, it really depends on each person.
Yu-up, alas, this is the fate
Yu-up, alas, this is the fate of all of the "baby" of the family. To me, a boy should man up to age appropriate tasks. Maybe the mom should get a puppy or kitten or other helpless animal to have an outlet for her "babying" tendencies?
Yep.^^^^
Take the 9yo and 14yo out on
Take the 9yo and 14yo out on special excursions. Ball games, theaters, fishing. Doesn't have to be together, seperate is good too. Then tell the mom and baby boy, I'm sorry, this is for 'BIG BOYS' you'll have to stay home with mama. That's what little baby boys do. It's safer here.
Love, love love it!!!!!
Love, love love it!!!!!
I'm dealing with the same
I'm dealing with the same exact thing with my bf's 7 yr old dd. She is the youngest and I just wish the bm would remarry and have another baby to save this poor child from her misery. Thing is, it's not the child's fault. When she is with her dad, she really tries to come out of the baby mode and she gets really frustrated because she knows the deal. I agree that bms like this need a kitten or puppy. But the biodad needs to step up, too. I have told bf that I can only stand the behavior for so long, and have removed myself from the situation numerous times. I have also encouraged him to teach his kids things like making their own breakfast, sandwich, etc. because if he doesn't, they will never learn it. Bm likes to baby them all, but the youngest is the one who is REALLY babied. Ugggghhhh
Duct tape has it, take the
Duct tape has it, take the other two on big boy trips and leave the baby home because he is only 7.
I think as someone else said mum is one of these mothers who will baby her youngest child for as long as the child lets her get away with it. It is not the kid's fault you know it is hers.
He will man up one day when he has enough social interaction with other kids and sooner or later he will (well hopefully) unless she has him completely brainwashed. I feel more sorry for the boy than I do you and the other two kids, because she really will do him more harm than good here. I agree with the othr poster, get her a kitten. Better yet, get her to foster a real live baby that way the foster baby can get the attention it needs and 7 year old can be left to grow up naturally.
TBH i think that the big
TBH i think that the big problem here is that i come from a dis jointed family and lived with my mum till i was 12 years old, and was a bit of a girl till i went with my dad i learnt about life in the real world. I hope its not just my insecurities that I am judging the situation on. SS7 came on a dog walk yesterday without BM and was a different kid. It seems he is smart enough to realise that when he is only around me and his sibblings he needs to grow up, but alas when BM came home it was back to the norm. We tried discussing it and i got the usual... you're picking on him, hes the youngest, when i tried to point out what the other two were like at that age and that they didnt get the same treatment she just blanked it. I made a point of doing a mountain walk to really push him in an area he doesnt like, mud and dirt, and it really paid off for a few hours, just wish there was a way to get this across to BM, to show her how much she is impeding his development as a man. He is a great kid for me when BM is not around, which makes it suck all the more when he turns into the devious little shit when BM is there. Any recommendations on how to show her what a different child he is when we are left to it as a family unit without bailing him out?
dtzyblnd had it spot on with the brotherhood, even his SD9 got in on the act, SS7 fell over in a bit of mud, welled up, then laughed it off when he realised BM wasnt there to pick him up and dust him down, think the only way to handle this at the moment is to just enjoy what a great little man he is when BM isnt there, and ignore him when she is!
Now is not soon enough. In
Now is not soon enough. In an age appropriate manner of course.
My SS was a cryer and it was not until I kept my wife in the house while the neighborhood kids picked on him one afternoon that he finally figured out that he got picked on because he was a cry baby. He was 7 at the time. Until that day he would cry every time he played with the kids in the neighborhood and his mom would come running. When I had her stand at the window and watch, where she could see the kids were not hurting him and she could see that when she did not come running to his rescue he figured it out on his own, the kids quit teasing him when he stopped crying and they all got on with having fun together.
If your DW considers your SS-7 to be your equal it is time to let her know that she changes her perspective immediately or she and her spawn leave. No marriage can survive if a child takes precidence over either partner in the adult relationship that should take priority in the home and family.
If you do not put your foot down and provide her with clarity it is only a matter of time before you marriage ends anyway.
My wife and I worked on this issue on and off for years. What finally gave her clarity was when she got frustrated with me one day over how I disciplined our son (my SS). I finally told her that if she did not like how I disciplined the kid then she had better step up and get it done before I had to. I am not sure why that made an impression on her but it did and she stepped up from then on.
We did not always agree on discipline but we backed each other when addressing the kid and discussed any differences of opinion behind closed doors later.
All IMHO and experience of course.
My younger brother is 36
My younger brother is 36 years old and still guilting my mother into sending him money, driving him places, etc. To me, he'll NEVER "man up" because SHE enables him to be a big ol pussy!