4th of July Woes
I have posted in the past. Just when I feel like we are getting somewhere with DH we take two steps back. Three forward two back. We had my ss10 this year. So I wanted to make it fun and head back home to spend it with my family. I lived two hours away before I met him. We got married a year and almost three months ago. He is a good guy, but when it comes to his son he truly believes he can do no wrong. His son is almost 11 years old but he treats him like he's 5. The problem with this is that people notice and some have even suggested that he has mental issues. DH of course doesn't know this. He is a helicopter father and he is turning this poor boy into the biggest baby. Now back to yesterday. We picked up his son on Tuesday at 4... and the kid is whining on why he got picked up so late. This is his mom's week so she picks him up about 5:45 to almost 6.. wtf? so basically he's complaining and whining about this. We have to stop by Publix and I can't even get a word in to my dh because he's constantly talking and asking daddy for his attention. And yes he calls dh DADDY. Every time he wants to manipulate him or to get something he wants. Code word.. daddy... Can't even talk to my dh because he can only see his little five year old. Yesterday on our way we stop by the gas station and of course again... is all about his son. He even forgets me inside the gas station because he is so focus on his son. This pissed me of. It bother the hell out of me. We finally get to my mom's place and pick up the kids then head to the hotel. At the pool where there were more kids instead of letting him play in the pool with the kids he is holding him and coddling him. My family comes over.. then dh says he's hungry and that his son is probably hungry too. Doesn't even ask are you hungry? nothing. So he orders food for him and his son at the hotel restaurant. Of course this cost four times more than a macdonald's burger. My mother was cooking for all of us but no God forbids his son has to wait. We head to the park I am already in a really bad mood, because of all the other stuff. We sit on a blanket to watch the fireworks show, his son sits between daddy's legs and I am sitting by myself. I mean really? I just feel like why did he even married me? He makes me feel so invisible. All the affection goes to his son. I am supposed to be his wife but don't really feel like that. I am at my wits end.
Ugggghhhhh I am just feeling
Ugggghhhhh I am just feeling SICK that you are married to this man. Literally...I know EXACTLY how it feels and my stomach is churning imagining you dealing with that. I broke up with my bf who was treating me that way. Now, I have my own kids, so I get it. There is a bond, blah blah blah. But that's not what this is. My ex bf was a guilty daddy and that's why he overdid everything, to make sure his kids knew THEY were #1. But what these men don't get is that they put on like they are the ONLY one. I have no advice because I spoke out about this over and over to my bf. I did not let stuff go. I tried to make him see why it was not right. But nothing worked. He would tell me how awesome I was all the time, he couldn't believe he met me, etc. etc. etc. But still not good enough when his kids were in the picture. I even went so far as to avoid him/them on his weekends w/ the kids, but that did not work either. You can try to find coping mechanisms that get you through these times, or even avoid them when he's around. No matter what it won't be easy. If you are miserable more than not, you know what to do...(nooooooo, not murder! LEAVE! LOL)
I feel for you....how would
I feel for you....how would you like my situation.....my skid is almost 40, living right next door w/ his brat of a 5yr old and my husband dotes on them.....I feel like throwing up.....so think of whats to come. In my situation the stepson lived clear cross town and we hardly ever say him. Then he buys a 2nd house we had next door, moves in w/ girlfriend, they have a baby, she takes off, and of course he can't do anything on his own...guess the GF did it all. Well he constantly is at our place looking for help w/ everything...he will start remodeling say his bathroom comes over for advise and before you know it my husband is doing the whole job. He borrows all our things, breaks everything, I hate this kid...I mean 40yr old man so much...ruining my marriage of 5yrs.So anyway you need to get yourself W or W/o your hubbie out of there or plan on the long haul. My husband of course says he isn't playing faves and I shouldn't make him choose between me(hey I'm only the wife)and this 40yr old dead beat son of his.....
Sorry I'm rambling now....but you should look down the road at you future especially since skid is only 10...
The best I can do is for you
The best I can do is for you to get a book at Amazon.com on being a visitation or non-custodial father. Your husband needs to recognize that he's raising a child who will never be able to take care of himself. Ask him what will happen to the kid when your husband dies. The kid will be literally helpless. Where does he think those adult losers come from?
But frankly I don't see much hope he is so entrenched in this mode and the person who said he's feeling guilty was right on. There are hundreds of thousands of them out there - often at Disneyland if its nearby.
As for you start by reading the article I've linked at the bottom. Then resign yourself to just not being involved when the kid is visiting and speaking of the Catholic Church go to church every day and pray that the kid doesn't come to live with you permanently.
If that happens and/or you see signs that this relationship is going to go on into the kids adulthood you will want to move on. Which might be a good idea right now. Anyway here is the link:
http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html