13 year old drinking
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13 year old admitted to drinking small amounts with his friend and girlfriend. He also admitted to vaping. I could already tell he was vaping by the noticable smokers cough. He said that he quit the vaping which I do somewhat believe as his cough has disappeared. What should we do about these issues? Biomom does not know but we don't communicate with her very well because she is extremely hiconflict. Any advice?
I should add..
Biodad doesn't drink at all and I might have 1 or 2 drinks maybe 3/4 times a year and it's never when kids are around. Biomom, partner and grandparents are all drinkers. I'm worried SS13 will turn into an alcoholic like the rest of his family on his mom side.
I would call the police for
I would call the police for an intervention with SS regarding his criminal behavior. It is illegal for a 13yo to vape or drink alcohol. Better to get a LEO to jerk a knot in his tail at 13 before he gets into real trouble.
As for BM, she is the source most likely. I would deal with it from your end and let BM engage if SS ends up in front of a Judge when the LEO addresses it. I do not know if the predetermined outcome for thid kid regarding likely substance abuse as modeled by BM's shallow and polluted gene pool can be mitigated. However, the only shot at mitigating lies in holding him accountable increasingly firmly and trying to get him to a state of clarity by applying the most severe possible
Also, WTF is a 13yo doing with a GF or BF?
smh
I would be want to know
I would be want to know
1. Why did he think it was ok.. and does he understand the dangers of what he did? Is he still inclined to experiment?
2. Who provided it? Does another parent need to be notified?
I think it's important for parents to try to remain calm when they get revelations like this. They want their kid to know it's ok to come to them and talk about things.. and that doesn't mean you need to tell the kid that what they did was right.. or good.. but that you don't want to completely discourage them coming to you.
If dad reads him the riot act and tries to make some huge punishment issue.. the kid is likely to wall off and not tell dad anything.
I think there is a way that the kid can know what they did was wrong.. and why .. and still see their parent as a safe place to discuss things.
like.. call any time before getting into a car with someone under the influence etc..
That it's ok to throw mom and dad under the bus.. "hey.. I can't.. my dad almost killed me the last time.. I will not get to play baseball this season if I get caught.. I'm not risking it!" (or some other similar line).
It’s normal in his BM household.
IIt's normal for his BM and his GP to be drinking. They think it's ok. To drink. BM feels this is the way to live. This is the rights of growing up. A few drinks a day then a total alcoholic . How do you fight that? IDK. Schools teach the evils of drinking. The news are always telling of DWI , people going to jail for hurting and killing other people. ???
Get CPS involved. Take it out
Get CPS involved. Take it out of the hands of BM and his GP.
BM and GP getting arrested for contributing to the delinquency of a minor, child endangerment, etc... will send just the right message to all of them. Including the Skid.
I can't see where it's BM
I can't see where it's BM providing any of this. The OP states that BM does not know.. and they are afraid to approach her because she is problematic,
If BM is providing it.. obviously that is a problem.... and definitely one where talking to at least a lawyer would be a good idea. Unfortunately.. kid could circle the wagons and lie for BM if that had been the case.. but in this case.. i'm not sure BM is involved.. may be is just in the dark about the kid's use.
I made an assumptive leap
I made an assumptive leap based on provided information.
"Biomom, partner and grandparents are all drinkers"
Though certainly that may not mean they provided the alcohol. Though maybe the Skid got into their liquor cabinet. Which many kids often do during their experimentation phase.
I did it. Though only when I was house/pet sitting. I made sure not to fish off of the family liquor cabinet pier when I was at that stage.
BM does not supply
Biomom does not supply SS13 with alcohol or vape. We do not get a long with her as she is very high conflict and blow things out of proportion. It's better to not communicate with her. If she knew about SS13 it would definitely be a shit storm and we are normally the ones that get blamed for their bad behaviour. sS13 is normally with friends on his mom's weekend when he is involved in thesr things because he calls my partner. Biomom let's SS13 run the roads all weekend while she drinks herself. When he is with us we don't let him run the roads he has to be picked up between 9-10pm to come home for the night, that way we know he's not up to things he shouldn't be.
Hmmm. A 13yo runs the roads
Hmmm. A 13yo runs the roads until 10PM. Not appropriate IMHO.
Things certainly have changed in the 50ish years since I was 13.
Time
9-10pm is considered normal now a days on a weekend for a teen. Local hockey game goes till 9:30 if not later at times. We always know what house he is at and we pick him up around that hour from said house. Not like it's a school night.
13 is way too young to have
IMHO, 13 is way too young to have that level of autonamy. Particularly when that 13yo is drinking, doing drugs, and has a GF.
I couldn't care less what is considered normal. Kids earn trust and with that they earn privileges. This kid is doing neither.
I'm glad to hear that you keep some level of oversight when he is with you. Obviously the problem isn't the parenting he gets on your end of the blended family equation. It is on BM's end.
Call CPS for wellness checks when he is with her. If they find him under the influence, then it is on BM and she gets nailed for her failed parenting.
I would make that call as soon as it is aparent that SS-13 is under the influence when he is under BM's oversight.
Just a comment
We are getting our kids involved with too much activity's. And much longer activities. Sports was little league baseball. Two nights a week for 8 weeks. Now there's travel teams, that practice all year long. Spring, summer, fall and winter baseball with teams going away for weekends . Add softball soccer, football. And that's just sports. We feel keeping the kids busy is keeping them out of trouble.. gets them out of the house.
I think that the parents are so busy they don't have friends themselves. No weekly card game. No flower club. Now if the parents want adult relationship it's with there kids sports teams . Teamates parents , People they drink with at the hotel.