Bullying

Kelker89's picture

This weekend my BS7 punched my SD11 in the face. SD11 was bullying BS7 and wouldn't let him on the couch and pushed him off it where he almost broke our stand up light. SD11 cried and called her mom to tell her about what my BS7 did. SD9 came in the room when I was talking to BS7 about what he did and she said " SD11 is in the phone telling mom about what happened". I said good for her, your mother doesn't have a say or control over what goes on in our household. Anyways BS7 and SD11 apologized to each other and all was good. 

Next incident, on Sunday BS7 finally seen that no one was using the main tv in the livingroom so he went to go grab the remote to turn on his show. He hasn't had the tv since Stepkids came on Thursday. SD11 seen him go grab the remote so she runs over and grabs it's before he could. BS7 got a little upset and just said to her that he hasn't been able to pick his own shows. I seen and heard it all so I ended up stepping in and agreeing with BS7 that he hasn't been able to watch any of his shows since they got here in Thursday. SD11 response was he gets tv everyday we aren't here. So I said yah well you get tv everyday at your mother's as well and that's not how it works. Just because you guys are here doesn't mean BS7 get put on the backburner, this is his house just as much as it is yours. My SO agreed with what I had to say so SD11 got mad and went outside and played.

Stepkids come here and think they run everything. Sometimes BS7 doesn't even want to be here when they are here because they are constantly telling him what he can and can't do. I'll tell BS7 okay it time to go to bed now sit on the bed and laydown. SD9/11 will repeat what I say so I will say okay I am the parent here and I don't need you guys trying to be the boss, I can handle it. It's always gotta be their way and they hate when SO and I stick up for BS7 and they will state that he is the favourite child. He is the youngest and it's not that he is the favourite. It's that they think since he is small they can control everything he does and that's not how it goes.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

While much of this sounds like typical problems with siblings, your son should not be punching anyone in the face as a response. Are things worse for him than your realize? To the point where he thinks that kind of response is his only choice?

Kelker89's picture

Never said his response was acceptable. It's not his typical behaviour either. Last time he hit someone was when he was probably 4 years old. He is told to come to us if he is having issues. When he hit his sister I guided him through the process of what should be done when we hurt someone so he grabbed her a cold/wet cloth to help ease the pain and I never force an apology. We talk it out and come to the conclusion that an apology is typical when we hurt someone. But stepkids need to learn their place and stop bossing people around and thinking everything should be their way. I also took his treat away and I felt SD11 should of had her treat taken away as well cause she was in the wrong too but SO gave SD11 her treat so I gave my guy his treat. I said it works both ways.  He is tired of being bullied and treated like less because he is small.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

There should be consequences for hitting for your kid and for bullying for SD, but also maybe a schedule for the TV. Maybe each kid gets a designated hour? 

ESMOD's picture

I agree that some set up of fair sharing needs to be established.. or maybe a 2nd set needs to find it's way into your home.. so there is less to fight over. 

I might assume that your son being younger.. goes to bed earlier.. so he gets time earlier.. your SDs are older maybe stay up.. get time after he goes to bed.. too.

I know that it's hard to watch kids fight over stuff.. and NEITHER of them should have ever thought it was acceptable to lay a hand on anyone.

I know when I was young.. if my little brother and I couldn't figure out how to share nicely.. the item was removed.. so that is another way to go.. you are both fighting.. guess what .. NOONE is watching TV.. and cut the cord.

And... my parents would have insisted on a genuine apology from both of us for that behavior.  the bullying and the hitting.. both of them were in the wrong.. both should apologize to each other.

The problem that your SK's don't get too is the fact that he will only be "little" for a little while longer.. in a few years he will likely be the bigger.. and they may not be as likely to try to push him around.

But... yes schedules.. or getting another TV so there are fewer conflicts.. or removing it all together so that there is nothing to fight about.

Survivingstephell's picture

You make no mention of the birth parent in this post.  If you are stuck doing it all, it's no wonder it's escalated to this.  You need to reevaluate this situation and see how it's  hurting your bio.  Being bullied by skids is not  an acceptable way to grow up.  

Rags's picture

SD11 is a bully and DS7 dealt effectively with being shoved off of the sofa. Good for him.  Just maybe the bully will thing about getting punched in the face before she shoves a 4yrs younger kid off of the sofa.

Well played young man.  Way to stand up for yourself.

Though, I would coach him that hitting girls is not generally acceptable.  Though with the advent of more girls being bullies, the general rules are subject to change.

As a kid who was the target of bullies, this is a topic that I have experienced and learned how to effectively deal with a bully.  Pain. Pain ends a bully.  I was an easy going kid.  I hated fighting.  It frightened me. It still does.  When I came to realization that getting hit hurts whether I am fighting back or not. At that point I invoked the bully is going to the hospital model.  After that, there was only one bullying incident when I started at each new school.  Sending a bully to the hospital takes you off of the table as a target for any other bully.  

Your SD11 is fortunate that your BS7 is still a little boy and did not cause her to experience significant pain.

Hopefully she learned something.

As for the SD's repeating instructions that you give to DS7.  When he gets sent to his room and they jump on repeating what you or DH said to DS7, send the SDs their room with the correction that they need to bite their tonges as they are not parents and if they keep it up, they will receive a higher level of consequence.

Harry's picture

Making list on everything.  TV time.  Each kid gets a day where they pick the tv shows.  Monday to X Tuesday to Y and Wednesday to Z.  So on.  Bullying is not tolerated.  Punching someone in the face is not tolerated.  This is hard because some kids fight with each other as entertainment.   
'You as life goes along keep updating these rules that the whole family lives by

PetSpoiler's picture

Sounds like your son got fed up with the bullying that has been going on long term.  Your husband needs to step it up and discipline the stepdaughters then maybe your son wouldn't feel the need to fight back.  That's what can happen in schools too.  Schools don't want kids fighting but they don't do anything about bullying.  Then they wonder why the victim snapped and beat the crap out of the bully.  She's lucky that he's smaller than she is and all he did was punch her once.  

Thumper's picture

Is bm in the picture? What did SHE say about this? Dad? What did he say.

Edit to add, keep an eye on skids who provoke others. 

I don't have to say hitting is bad, bullying is wrong, --everyone knows that.

Just keep an eye on skids who provoke your bio.