I would say your ex sounds like he is not capable of putting your daughter first, and I would keep her from him as much as possible.
I would express concerns to the judge regarding his drug use. They will likely request drug testing from both of you. If he has used at all it will show up months later. I think the fact that he is not currently taking visitation will be in your favor.

My exBIL was a drug user and my sister was married to him for 13 years (3 kids.)After they divorced, my Ex BIL went to jail for drugs/stolen goods off and on throughout my neices and nephew's life. He showed back up in their lives when my nephew was in his late teens and introduced his own son to drugs.

How does your ex's family feel about him?

My nephew is now in the same position you describe, because drugs have ruined his life. He has very little contact with his 5 year old daughter because of drugs and his getting kicked out of every family/friend's home who have taken him in. My sister has washed her hands of trying to help him, and she is now only worried about maintaining a good relationship with his ex so she will let my sister bring her grandaughter to family things and keep her part of our family.

Hope your ex's family is the same.

My sister's daughter on the other hand has a 5 year old daughter who doesn't see her BF. He wanted nothing to do with her since she was born. My neice tried to keep in contact with his family so her daughter would know them, but his family backed him up when my neice went to court for CS, and now they don't see my great neice either. (This guy was a real idiot and had fathered 4-5 kids with different women in a few years time.) My neice has been with her current BF for 4 years now, and between them they have his daughter, my great neice, and a baby boy together. (His ex is a drug user as well and has no contact with his daughter after refusing to take her drug tests when they went through court last year.)

Goodluck and keep us posted.
Peace, love, and red wine

I see your point however, I have a few questions? On he drug issue you admited you used in the past? So when you were on the "weed" what did it do to you? I am only asking because you seem to be all against kinda hipicriical. But I do understand. As far as him moving on with his life, let him, you don' have to be the nagging ex-wife. You can choose to be civil, even if you have heard all these horrible things about his new flavor? First of all most adults no by now you cannot believe everything you hear, am I right? I mean just think of things she is hearing about you from people who do not like you? That is a two way street.. Sorry just pointing that out. Moreimportantly though, I would not try to push the issue of him sending stuff to your daughter, you love her very much, and I can see that your concern is about him having a relationship with her, but take it from someone who grew up without her real father, who has met him after 27 years, it will be all on him, not you, let him defend his actions to her, its not your fault that he really has nothing to do with her, its his. So let him make the mistake and try to make up for it later on down the road. I have experience in this department! My real dad is probably kicking himself in the butt right now because he has 4 kids and I was the only one who had ever spoken to him sent him pics, and met him. Noone else likes him, as a matter of fact they hate him and that is a strong word. So don't try so hard to have him take an interest, you will come off as that nagging ex-wife. let him pay his support to help you raise her and let him be the one paying for his mistakes later on down the road. K.. your a good person, and mother I am sure, so just let him do what he wants. He cannot fight you for custody, how would it look well your honor I have not seen my daughter in a year, but I want full custody. He has to prove you unfit and I doubt that he can. He cannot bring up your past decisions if those decisions are no longer in your life.. K...
Good luck... And I hope I didn't offend you in any way, just trying to help and give you my opinion..
Thank you.

Happy
"live life to its fullest everyday"

Yes, you are doing the right thing. Sounds like since you had the baby you have changed a lot yourself. You can't force him to love or care about the child. I would keep it quiet that you are in town and only see the relatives on the other side right before you leave so they won’t have time to get something started. If he does want to spend time with her make sure it is in the company of his relatives. He doesn’t have a clue how to take care of a baby and she should not be subjected to that kind of environment. File for custody, supervised visitation and CS at the same time.

I retract my response up there.. I guess I missed the part on the GF who has 3 - 6 kids and had them taken away for abuse.. File and have supervised visits... And remember that it is HIS LOSS not yours and your daughter looses but then again does she really loose.... I mean not that a stepdad is the bio but he can love her as her own and take care of her as his own.. Someday... I wish you all the luck!!!
Happy
"live life to its fullest everyday"

M - reading your post sounds like what I went through at 18. My son's father and I broke up when my son was only a couple of mths old due to his drug use/selling. I admit, like you, that used to drink and smoke as well but as soon as I became pregnant I changed my ways. After we broke up he would not see my son nor would he pay child support - he was too busy at 19 living it up. Same as you all i heard from people was how much he loved his son, etc. which i thought was strange considering I would beg him to spend time with his son and he would tell me "you just want a babysitter so you can go out and party". UNBELIEVABLE. I was working and going to school full time trying to make a better life for my son and I. I filed for CS but since he was not employed I got nothing. Over the years he would call to talk but that would be 5 minutes about his child and the rest he would just want to talk about whatever - but still no offers to see him. I put a stop to that right away. When my son was a teenager he tried to talk to him but my son had so much resentment towards him it really didn't work out. Now I never bad mouthed his father to my son - even when he was in jail, didn't pay support etc. My son knows who was there for him and who wasn't. I know you have a long hard road ahead of you but trust me your ex will either see the light on his own or he never will - you can't push the issue. My son is now 21 and they have just started to speak again. That is btwn the both of them - they are adults now and I do not need to be in the middle. I hope that you at least will get child support that you deserve to support your child. I did not get CS til my son was 17 - and my ex owes a lot of backpay so I guess I will be getting that $80/mth til he is 40! Good luck with your situation and I feel horrible that you are going through this mess. Keep your chin up and do what is best for your daughter. I will keep you in my prayers.

and have been since the day she was born, he lived with us but his drinking and friends took priority over her and always have and always will...let him go on with his life..don't call him, don't email him, because believe me, it doesn't do any good. He'll kick himself later on. Just love her and care for her like you already do. It does suck when they start asking about their fathers, and my daughter who is 7 now asks, and all I can say is he has no phone and he works alot. I haven't recieved a child support check in 7 months and haven't raised hell about it, why? because I can take care of her on my own. If he doesn't want to work it's not my problem, it's CSE's. They're in charge of my case, I'm not going to contact him anymore about being a father(I used to!), I'm ot going to rag CSE about my non existant child support...It's all on his shoulders.

I never filed for full custody because even if he did try, he wouldn't have a chance, he has a history of violence towards me, he's a diagnosed alcoholic, he's attempted suicide twice...and I'm NO DOUBT the better parent. And I've smoked weed in my past, people look down on it (even my FH's exwife has rubbed that in my face calling me a drug addict), I honestly don't see how you can be a drug addict from smoking weed recreatinally when I was 21 and BEFORE I was a mother!! Let him talk the talk...I'm sure you'll have NO problem acquiring full custody since he doesn't make an attempt to see her on a regular basis Good Luck

Well, I got pregnant a day before I moved to USA, he was my ex at the time, I was incredibly drunk and he wasn't, so he took advantage of me. Anyway, I went throughout my pregnancy without his support, although he claimed "he wanted to be the babys dad" never really did anything for that, the baby was born, and he is almost 18 months old now, he saw him once, because i sent him to my country with my parents for 2 weeks when he was 9 months, he has never sent a card, a bday gift, money... NOTHING...

I kept telling him many ways that he could keep touch with him, like sending bday presents, talking to him on the phone, and visiting him whenever i went there... but he never did anything... last time I saw him was when i got pregnant and last time i talked to him was 6 months ago...

I have full custody due to the fact that in his birth certificate there is only one name, mine.

I agree with another post (sita tara): file for full custody/supervised visitation...is that simple...