History:

SD18 moved in with us January 2012. I had agreed to move to a new city so she could attend the high school she really wanted to attend for her senior year (I had heard that BM1 had bounced her from school to school depending on who she was marrying that year). Everything was fine in the beginning, SD18 participated in family activities, dinner every night and with the other kids (I have BD5, there is also SD8 and SD5). She toted around her "my mother treats me so terribly" stories and I bought them full swing (I had a soft spot for that because my bio-parents were horrible). Not to mention, this was the moment my BF was waiting for for about 16 years.

Then the laziness kicked in and she started this horrible spoiled streak. I would do the dishes and clean the kitchen for 6 people while working a full time job and the next morning, SD18 would leave her dirty ice cream or cereal bowl in the sink. The dishwasher is literally inches from the sink and the soap/dishrag are even closer. Then she would leave her windows open while the A/C was running and it gets VERY hot where we live. Mind you, I am the only one working at this point so it was understandable that I flipped my lid when I got the A/C utility bill and for one month it was $450.00. She stopped helping to clean so she ended up taking up space and just eating a shit ton of food. She also started hanging out more on the week days with her friends and coming home late, if she came home at all, and not doing her homework. Calling her dad at all hours to pick her up whenever she was, constantly asking for money yet not thinking she should have to do anything around the house. I did not want her setting that type of example for the younger kids so my BF and I would have extreme blow outs over her - he simply let her do these things.

Her report card came and she had a few absences that were not excused by her mother or father, a ton of tardies and some poor grades. My BF finally put his foot down and cut off her phone. Well, unfortunately for him, he played the "father" card too late because she rebelled by not coming home that night and talking about her report card. As a matter of fact, she never came back. Months went by without them talking and his parents meddling. She cried and did the whole woe-is-me and I-have-no-idea-what-I-did. She moved back in with her oh-so-terrible mother.

My BF went back and forth on the idea of reconciling with her but he was very hurt and very frustrated with her behavior. I told him that after all the junk (there's more that I didn't type out or this would never end) that she was not welcome in our home, not until she apologizes to her father for the all stunts she pulled. She had disrescpected me and had thrown her own dad, who bent over backwards to please her, under the bus to get sympathy from everyone. Oh, poor her. Always poor her.

So they did end up reconnecting - we all did over dinner. Which was awkward because I had no intention of going and when I did, I didn't want to be there. She never apologized to him but they "talked it out". He told me she was going to apologize to me. Months went by and we only heard from her when she wanted something. BF goes to have another dinner with her, without me and against my wishes (don't buy the brat food if she can't own up to her bull). She tells him she doesn't feel that she was that bad and had no intentions of apologizing. Fine with me, you and I had no real relationship. But that's crap to do that to your father. BF made the decision that night to distance himself from her, fearing that she was turning into a user like her mother.

About 3-4 weeks ago, she had a going away party thrown by her mother's other ex husband (she has about 4 or 5, not kidding - BM1 is about 35 y/o). I refused to go and BF didn't want to attend alone. So he texts SD18 and tells her that he isn't going until she apologizes to me. Wait, what? He knew I didn't care that she wasn't going to apologize to me. So instead of telling her he didn't want to go alone, he made it about me. That really pissed me off. Then on top of it, she tells me to get over myself and my insecurities that his BM2 is going. Wait, WHAT. I didn't know she was going, nor do I care that she's going (as a side note to prove the user part - she invited BM2, whom she HATES and has hated all her life but she'll buy her things so she gets invited. But BM2 is a whole 'nother story). So, now she's made it about me instead of her father. And she used emphasis that I'm only a GIRLFRIEND. Well, if she's sticking to titles, she's the shittiest DAUGHTER I've ever met. The conversation basically ended at BF telling SD18 that she has turned into her mother and he's sorry to see it. She now has gone off to college in another state.

Now, I don't really care about the way she treats me. Not in the slightest, seeing as how she's moved out and I've moved on. However, I will NOT put up with her treating her father like he's only there to give her things or do things for her. I am still livid over the fact that they have BOTH made me a scapegoat and I think that's shit. I am also feeling guilty that I didn't go to her party and that I didn't support my BF. But I mainly can't be there for someone who openly admitted that she didn't care to have anything to do with me. So the feelings mutual but yet she's bent. Her beef is with her dad, not me.

Should I just have attended the party with BF?