Wow !
This has had to be the worst 3 weeks ever ! The SD has left home to go and live with her BM.However, the way that it all happened was like a blur to our family in that it all happened so fast. The SD got into some big trouble at school and was to be punished by BF, but the day that she was to be punished fell on the day that she was to see her BM, so of course the SD milked that for what it was worth. The SD had strict instructions on what time to be home ( she's 16), but she didn't tell her BM so that she was aware. Well, when the BM and SD finally decided to show up ( 4 hours after the time that the SD was to be home) the BM didn't think that it was appropriate for the SD to be on punishment so she would not let SD out of car and ended up driving off while the BF was talking to SD. What a mess! So, the SD is now flunking all of her classes except for art and has started cutting classes left and right. Just to give you all an idea of the severity of the issue, SD racked up 18 tardies in 2 weeks. In a way I am happy that she is gone because I always felt that that was what she wanted. No discipline, no structure, no respect. My husband is having some real issues with if he wants her to come back but he doesn't understand that this is a team effort and the house is just as much mine as it is his. Our household has been so peaceful and civil over the last 3 weeks, but I don't understand how my husband is so soft on this issue. He just had a birthday and the SD didn't even call him to wish him well. Some thanks that is . He has raised her since she was 2 years old when the BM chose the "street life" over being a mother. I feel like it is all going down the drain. Please advise ! I really need another perspective on this all so that I don't think I am going "nuts".
So pretty much
your SD left your house to get out of her punishment.
And now she's "living it up" with her trashy BM, where it's no rules, all fun, and her mom (who's been a no-show for much of her life) is now her new "best friend".
Sounds cool! No wonder she hasn't called her father. She's having a GREAT TIME and not even thinking about coming back- why would she????
But on the other hand, you're feeling FINE. It's nice there, isn't it? I have one "those" SDs, too. When she's here, the energy in the house changes and everyone is on edge. Last summer when she went away to camp for three weeks- it was HEAVEN!!! And when she came back, I swear, the very DAY- they whole house was back to CHAOS. So I can see why you'd be conflicted.
Your BF wants her back. And, in all actuality, she probably SHOULD be back in your home- that's where the stability is. Her BM is obviously not a good role model for her. But YOU gotta love the peace!
You sound like a good person. You know what right thing to do is. You need to get her back before something really bad happens to her. Smile- at least you got a little vacation
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"
She is almost an adult
It is (past) time for her to start being held accountable for her actions. I don't understand these 'fun' parents who feel their widdle bunny girl should not face the music??
But she is with her own mother, her parent, so the mom can take her on for a while!
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
Thank you all!
I am enjoying the "calm" that is over my home now. It has been such a long time that I have been able to come home and not walk head first into a storm. I feel that some kids have to experience that "fat meat is greasy" and that in any situation that you are involoved in there will be rules. My own BD is happy and says that she doesn't miss the SD treating her like crap behind my back. I guess I was really hurt because through all of this the SD has not had any contact with me at all. Unfortunately, I allowed myself to become tangled up in financiallty providing for her, but that has since come to an end. The SD did have a afterschool job but the employer called my husband and told him to tell his daughter to "never come back". Of course, the BF was paying a very high phone bill for a child who didn't even answer the phone when he called, but that has since been shut off too. I did not sign up for all of this when I got married but I have advised my husband that if she does come back that there will be some really stringent rules to be followed or I'm leaving ! I can't got through this again and I won't. Stand for something or fall for anything!
welcome to my world
if you get a chance read some of my blogs, your SD is so very much like my FSS
although Unibomber (my name here for him) started his tardiness at 14!
he has since been moved along(now 19) and since Thanksgiving(08) my life has been less stressful and more peaceful. Unib has not returned because he knows that Rules will and do apply to him
his dad is sad but realizes that tough love is/was needed not only to make Unib into a functioning adult yeah right ( I think Unib may have antiSocial personality disorder) but also because he knew I could not live with the total chaos anymore!
Unibomber is like a black hole - he sucks the happiness out of a room the minute he enters.
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."