Sexual acting out by stepson
My first post,and wow-it’s a heavy one. I’m a stepmom of only two years to two boys,ages 11 and 12. Their BD(my husband) has 50/50 custody with BM(who is also remarried). Oldest SS has profound mental health issues,is currently maxed out on three diff psych meds after a lengthy inpatient hospital stay. He’s been violent towards BM,SD,my disabled BS,his own bio brother. The violence has never extended to me or his BD,perhaps because SS is intimidated by my military background...or so I thought.
SS has recently had issues with making extremely graphic sexual advances with touching to fellow middle school girls. His BM took his phone away for a week-that’s it...didn’t tell us or school administrators. We found out when my husband asked where SS’s phone was-discussions were had over that one with SS,who didn’t think it was a big deal. Then this weekend. SS ‘accidentally’ brushed up against my backside in the kitchen while I was cooking. Twice. I gave him a look. Later that night,he bumped into me and his hands landed on my breasts. I pulled back and said if he had any more ‘accidents’ I might accidentally smack the hand that touched me. Well,the next day I was doing laundry. Alone. SS comes in room and after asking where each member of the family was,proceeds to pull down his pants(he walked in there wearing only underwear and a T-shirt,which I didn’t know until I turned around) and say,”Hey,SM-I’m going to make you watch me play with my wiener.” I drop the laundry basket,turn around and yep-he was blocking the door,penis in hand. “Dude. Get out of my way now or I’ll knock you down.” “No. Make me move or you have to keep watching.” I kicked his shin hard and brought my knee up to a delicate area. While he crouched down,I got the hell out of that room and headed upstairs to tell my husband. SS’s parting words were laughter and a mocking “Oh,you’re going to tell dad?”.
My husband took it seriously but is in shock still. SS has received no punishment per se,other than that he is no longer allowed to be alone with any female without another adult male present. His BD has not told BM,nor anyone else. I feel sick and ashamed and scared that SS’s behaviors will escalate. My husband and I told SS’s counselor what happened,and that’s it. SS maintains “it wasn’t a big deal”. I’m in the process of working out with my counselor whether I can stay in this marriage. My husband has said he’ll do anything to help me feel safe,but doesn’t feel like he can disown his son. We have the boys for a week starting tonight and I feel sick to my stomach.
Not sure anyone can help,but thanks for letting me vent. I haven’t been able to tell anyone but DH and my therapist.
Well played. Time to let DH
Well played. Time to let DH know that his horney spawn needs to be rehomed.
You should have called the police when he sexually assaulted you. Some things need to be taken out of the hands of parents who raise toxic crotch nuggets and put in the hands of the those who put pervy little sexually assaulting shits in jail.
This is WAY more than horny
Normal for teen boys to masturbate. THIS.IS.NOT.NORMAL
I absolutely agree.
I absolutely agree.
Hense, call the authorities and bring the consequences.
This boy needs to be
This boy needs to be institutionalized.. he sexually assaulted you. He needs to be out of your home.. period..
Something is really wrong
I would leave. Hopefully Dad will get the kid help. I even wonder if the SS is being abused himself.
Do you have mace? Perhaps a
Do you have mace? Perhaps a good dousing of mace to the eyes will send him a very clear message that this sexually abusive behavior stops like yesterday, because this is how society will treat him. Make no mistake that he’ll eventually pull this crap on the wrong female and she will mace the ever living daylights out of him.
or even worse, she won't be
or even worse, she won't be able to mace him or get out of the situation. He's already learned how to block an exit. That's really frightening.
True.
True.
This situation is utterly horrifying.
Whoa. If a man did that to
Whoa. If a man did that to you in public, what would happen? Police would be called.
Call the police. This kid is going to hurt someone. If he would do that with a grown woman, imagine what liberties he will take with another kid. And he has zero remorse or sense of wrong. That's what enables people to rape.
Your DH and his ex are idiots not to take this seriously. This young man needs some specialized sexual offenders treatment (and I say that as someone with 30 years experience in the mental health field).
Was he sexually abused himself? That would be my first assumption in a situation like this.
ETA: I'm a little skeptical that this post is real, but I'm going with it.
It’s unfortunately all too
It’s unfortunately all too real. Sounds like a Jerry Springer episode...a bad one,at that. It was me that told SS’s counselor what had happened,that was yesterday. Pretty sure Tasaroff only extends to a direct threat to a specific individual,and I’m not even sure if what SS did is enough to be a duty to warn. BD/husband has said he’ll back me in whatever I want to do,and whomever I want to tell. Thing is-I don’t want to tell anyone that knows me,because what can anyone do to protect other women/girls? Won’t SS’s counselor know what to do? And who else could I tell that would make a difference? I’ll deal with the shame if it was for a bigger purpose. In retrospect-yes,I should’ve called police then and there. I was shaken to my core and wasn’t thinking straight.
Flashing your penis at
Grabbing your penis at someone and blocking the door to make them watch is sexual harassment at best, and assault at worst. Call the police. The counselor can't involve police, only you can, if you want to file charges.
This kid sounds quite sociopathic, and I don't use that term lightly like many on here do.
Scary! Call the police. Your
Scary! Call the police. Your husband is not doing enough to keep you safe. His son is a danger to you and other girls and women.
I would move out for my own
I would move out for my own protection and that of my son. I would call the police for the protection of others. This kid's problems are much bigger than what I'd be willing to deal with.
10000000%
10000000%
I would NEVER have that kid in my home or anywhere around my child or myself again.
N.E.V.E.R.
Honestly, that he is going to be back in your home so soon after the assault is unbelievable in my reality.
I agree with what someone
I agree with what someone else said. If he is doing this to a grown woman in her own home, what is he doing to younger females/his peers? This is terrifying and I feel quite certain this behaviour is WORSE with others who are more vulnerable than you. He may have even escalated to rape already and the child hasn't come forward. Do something for the sake of young girls who can't or won't.
This kid is 12, what will you
This kid is 12, what will you do when he's 14, 15 and you can't get past him? Call the police and leave.
Exactly, it won't be long
Exactly, it won't be long before he's bigger than she is
You say
You have a disabled BS? How old is he and just how disabled is he? Would he be able to call for help when your sick pervert SS whips his wiener out?
You aren’t sure if you should tell anyone? Nah, lady, sing that song from the church towers. Everyone needs to know to lock their doors against him. Let me tell you how fast I’d sue you, your DH, BM and BMs SO for every penny you have or will ever have if some sicko in your care touched my daughter and you knew it would happen.
how many times can you afford to drop 5 grand on a lawyer whenever Jr gets a restraining order against him? How are you going to feel when your kids have no friends because there’s a registered sex offender in your home?
I would not spend another
I would not spend another second in the same quarters as this kid.
What's most disturbing about what he did is that he blocked you in the room with him, and, when challenged to let you out, he did not back down. He purposefully isolated you, wouldn't let you leave, and then mocked you. He didn't even care that others were right in the house -- either because he's that out of control or he knows his dad won't do anything about it if you report it.
He is a rapist in the making and he's just about cooked. Such bold behavior is frightening and telling. How can you or any other female possibly be safe with someone so out of control?
Get him out or you go and take your kids. If your husband won't move his other kids away from this SS, report the family to CPS. This kid's story is not going to end anywhere good and you don't want anyone you love being that kid's victim.
This is not the time
to be mealy mouthed. Get you and your kid(s) out of that house before someone is raped. If you're too attatched to your man to report your own sexual assault, at the VERY LEAST protect your own kid. Sadly, SS was probably sexually assaulted himself to act out like this, but you're a mom and at this point you have to look out for YOUR kids.
I see you asked above who you
I see you asked above who you should call.
Call your therapist/counselor. Ask that person if you or your family could be in danger of this kid. If the counselor says no, hang up and find a real counselor. If the counselor says yes, ask what you should do, who you should call, what you can do to protect your family. If he or she has no answers, ask him to refer you to someone who does. Do not let your counselor be a roadblock, though -- if your counselor isn't alarmed and treating this as some serious shit, you need to change up counselors.
I understand that you might be reluctant to get police involved, or any agency that could take control of the situation and leave SS with a record, but girl, SS needs to have a record. If SS escalates the next time he traps a woman like that, it will look like a first offense, so the penalty will be treated like a first offense, when in reality, he's been pulling this stuff on everyone for ages and NO ONE REPORTED IT. How many of you know about him doing this and still NO ONE HAS REPORTED IT. Don't wait for someone to be raped. Get on that phone.
Do you see what I'm saying? By the time it gets bad enough for you to report it to police or CPS without trepidation, SS will have done this and much more to many women and girls -- you already know he's had more than a few victims and still NO CONSEQUENCES. What are all of you telling him about his behavior?????
Your husband should be taking charge of his son's huge problems, but he's at least giving you all options on how to handle this. If you don't think enough of yourself to report this, think of SS doing this to your kids. You don't know how far SS is willing to go, but he's already gone too far, so get on that phone and make that call.
Just get information. Call the YWCA -- they have a lot of sexual abuse/assault services. They can advise you on SS or direct you to an agency that can. Keep digging until you find answers. You might consider putting SS in all-boys boarding school if you don't want to take that next step of trying to rehab him, but you need to tell the school the truth about his history.
Call the police. Move out
Call the police. Move out with your child in tow. And file for divorce. You shouldn't have to deal with this. It's pretty black and white for your DH. NO ONE would fault you for getting a divorce over sexual assult and protecting your child!