Making SD feel special on SS's birthday?
For those of you that have read my blogs, you know that SS8 is turning 9 next week. BM Nasty has purchased gift cards for SS…but she also got a gift card for SD so that she “doesn’t feel left out”…today is her (BM Nasty’s) birthday & these texts are to my SO about the cards…FYI, he’s already told her that sending SD7 a gift for SS’s birthday is wrong, but she doesn’t care…
BM Nasty: I’m sending the gift cards today…I want to make sure they get there at the same time so I’m putting SD’s in with SS’s so you have to give them to them both at the same time. OKAY? They will both be in SS’s birthday card. Make sure you don’t mess it up!
SO: HUH? I told you, I’m holding SD’s until it’s NOT SS’s birthday…he’s allowed to feel special on his birthday!
BM Nasty: WHAT? I said they have to get them at the same time! That’s what I want, so do it!
SO: Why would I give SD a present at the same time as I give SS his for his birthday? That makes no sense. If you are insisting on giving SD a gift for SS’s birthday, at least give SS the courtesy of having hers in a separate card! He already knows you prefer SD over him so pulling this crap is not right BM!
BM Nasty: Again, I’m putting both into SS’s birthday card, make sure THEY BOTH get them at the SAME TIME!
SO: No, SD will get her gift card from you AFTER SS because it’s SS’s birthday.
BM Nasty: YOU CAN NOT DO THAT! THIS IS WHAT I’M TELLING YOU TO DO!
SO: I can & I will…feel free to drive to TX & hand deliver them to the Skids…that is THE ONLY WAY that SD gets a gift on SS’s birthday!
BM Nasty: I don’t need to drive to TX to make sure my baby feels special…she deserves this!
SO: Not gonna happen…make them feel special by I don’t know…calling them? You need to stop this!
BM Nasty: You’ve never been mean to me on my birthday…& you didn’t even tell me happy birthday! Did you forget?
SO: Nope…concerned about my children’s happiness, not yours.
So…by BM Nasty’s way of thinking, I now need to give gifts to the Skids on everyone else’s birthdays…you know, so they don’t feel left out. Wouldn’t want SD7 to NOT feel special on say…MY birthday? She’s such a colossal idiot!
I kinda knew this whole deal was over her own birthday but am SOOOOOOOO glad I bit my tongue long enough to let her dig her own hole.
So glad she’s concerned about the actual birthday kid feeling special…NOT!
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BM Nasty: YOU CAN NOT DO
BM Nasty: YOU CAN NOT DO THAT! THIS IS WHAT I’M TELLING YOU TO DO!
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WOOW. Where do these women get off talking to our men like that!!!??? Just ticks me off!
YUP...thing is, when I met
YUP...thing is, when I met him & for a good year afterwards, she would have gotten away with it & he would have caved. Guess she's still getting over the fact that once a woman cheats on a man and abandons her children, that this same man will no longer bow down to her wishes.
I swear...the woman makes me crazy & I don't even have to talk to her!
At least its BM doing this
At least its BM doing this and not your DH. My DH clearly favors SD9 over SD11 and bought SD11 a BB gun (i know) and a bike for her birthday. Well I guess SD9 was sad that she didn't have her very own BB gun so DH promised her he would get her one by the next weekend they came over. Um hello?!
#1. BB guns are not really appropriate for 9 and 11 year old girls.
#2. Um has he ever heard of SHARING? Is there really an instance in which both girls need to be shooting things at the same time?
#3. IT'S NOT HER BIRTHDAY! WHO CARES IF SHE FEELS LIKE SHE'S NOT GETTING A PRESENT? SD11 DIDN'T GET A PRESENT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY SO QUIT TUGGING AT DADDYKINS' HEARTSTRINGS TO GET HIM TO SPOIL YOU!
Clearly this didn't bother me one bit.
When I met SO, he was VERY
When I met SO, he was VERY close to pulling this kind of crap in general (not just birthdays)...when I met SD (then 5), she had NO matching hair ties & really long hair...so I picked some up from Wal-Mart...what do I hear? "What did you get for SS? SS will feel left out"...I responded with "they are something she NEEDS...I don't play that game. If I chose to buy a child something, I will not feel obligated to ensure that every child is given something...I will not be bullied into feeling like I have to buy something when I'm being NICE!"
Now however, I can see that he was just so used to SS being treated more poorly than SD. This DOES NOT happen in our home now & he's lightened up A LOT...it took a bit of effort though because he was just convinced that I was going to favor SD over SS...this is certainly not the case. In fact, I prefer SS to SD any day of the week
but they still get treated the same.
I disagree on one point you
I disagree on one point you made, I have shot guns since I was 5 years old. I was always watched carefully and I learned to respect them and be careful around them. If they have someone that is willing to teach them and watch them it can be great for kids.
I do agree however with not getting her one because she is jealous that is not the right reason to get any kid a gift.
I guess that was pretty
I guess that was pretty general. I had a bb gun when I was that age myself. I should have said a bb gun is an inappropriate toy for these particular kids. They have a history of being obsessed with knives, burning things in the yard behind our backs, excessive fighting with one another and an overall desire to purposely destroy things. One gun is enough as long as DH is monitoring them. Two is ridiculous.
Her way of thinking is messed
Her way of thinking is messed up. If you give SD things on other peoples special day then she is going to be one spoiled child. Just think when SS graduates you guys might just have to do two graduation presents. How would she know anyways when you give it to her? what BM's don't know wont hurt them.
I asked SO if she was always
I asked SO if she was always like this...did she give Skids gifts on XSD's birthday? On her birthday? On your birthday?
He said no, this is a new level of renobation even for her.
I would have not even
I would have not even returned a text to her but let her send them and take sd out and keep it with out saying a word! That would have been better with no drama and she would have been wondering like crazy what happened or really thought dh did what she told him to do. LOl }:)
Honestly Purple, I'm ecstatic
Honestly Purple, I'm ecstatic that he responded the way he did...she's so used to him bowing to her every whim...it's wonderful when I see him tell her where to stick it
I'll be truthful here...my favorite was "feel free to drive to TX & hand deliver them" simply because of the fact that she has paid NOTHING towards visiting her children & expects it to continue next year...that was a big fat EFF YOU & she knew it.
It's about time
Do you think BM will still
Do you think BM will still send the gift cards knowing that SO is adamant about SD not getting her gift card? Or will BM be like my skids BM and just not send a damn thing because she is not getting her way...?
OH she'll send them
OH she'll send them alright...they will more than likely be late so that SS getting his gift ON his birthday won't be an issue...she will also call the SKids on the day she believes it will arrive to check up on SO & make sure he didn't "mess it all up".
If SD doesn't say "MOMMY, I got a b & c with the gift card!", BM Nasty will tell her something along the lines of "well SD, mommy sent my baby a gift card too, but your daddy & Anywho must have kept if from you...I don't want you to feel left out because you're OH SO VERY SPECIAL"...leaving SS to feel awkward about the whole fiasco.
Yes...this is speaking from experience. She will be an ass about it & confuse the bat shit out of the Skids.
No matter what SO did or how he reacted to her demand, the scenario would still remain the same.
I hate her!
If you've read my past blogs,
If you've read my past blogs, you know that BM Nasty treats SD FAR better than SS...thus creating an issue. This isn't simply about the gift card. She doesn't do this for anyone else, she's never done it before & once again, she's over-riding when SS should feel special by making an attempt to make it about SD.
Luckily for us, she lives 4 states away so her actually succeeding is highly unlikely.
To each their own as far as "gifts" for someone elses special day...I don't roll that way though.
Thanks for the response.
I was going to ask if she
I was going to ask if she does this come SD's birthday for SS, but reading your comments I'm going to venture not. I don't see a problem with SD getting something on the same day, but it should be before or after all the focus has been on SS. Make sure your DH brings this "feeling left out" thing up come SD's birthday too.
I too love that dad stood up to her! Good for him!
Well...let's see...last year
Well...let's see...last year the birthdays went like this:
SS got a present from BM 3 weeks late. No cards from XSD14, maternal grandparents or maternal aunts/uncles.
2 months later...
SD got a HUGE present AND gift card from BM Nasty, a birthday card from XSD with money in it, birthday cards with money from maternal grandparents AND uncles & aunts...totaling about 60.00.
SS has been diagnosed PDD (NOS)...NOT stupid. He sees all of this & is well aware of how his own family sees him versus his sister.
BM has been called on her treatment of him on numerous occasions...she claims that she is "just closer with her baby girl"...whatever!
SD already has issues making EVERYTHING about herself...and we wonder why...hmmm...
We have the same issues with
We have the same issues with SD and SS. BM favors SD over SS all the time. He finally saw it and started calling her out on it and now lives with us full time. When he is old enough, he will see BM for what she is.
Lately, I've noticed a lot of
Lately, I've noticed a lot of people doing this. Even intact families.
For the last several years, my SM has tried slipping the kids a gift while we celebrate their sibling's birthday. In her case, I think she's just trying to buy their love (my dad lives a few hours away and I rarely see them now. They complain that they never see the kids, spend a little money on them when we do get together, and disappear again for months). I finally told her that I didn't like it, because I feel like the kids need to learn that the world doesn't revolve around them and they need to share the spotlight. Immediately afterwards, she secretly slipped my SS a $20 during ODD's birthday party and told him not to tell. We only found out because SS went back to BM's after ODD's birthday party and when he asked if they could go to the store, she questioned him about where the money came from.
I was not a happy camper.
EDIT: Sorry, I didn't realize this post was so old!! I think I was just following links and reading random posts, and didn't think to check the date.