SD's Friends
SD has recently made a new best friend and I'm not liking the direction it is going. This new friend was very sweet and polite when I first met her - but then I started seeing videos of the two of them posting inappropriate videos together on social media. I have spoken to the friend's mother about this and she seems to be in denial, assuring me that she is a "good girl" and that she checks her social media daily (I don't think she understands that you can make secret accounts or make certain things "private" or even delete things before she is seeing them). The mother seems totally in denial and even suggested that it was my daughter who was being the bad influence. I am not saying SD is a perfect kid, but she has been punished for any sort of bad behavior and the friend's mother admitted to my face that her daughter is "very spoiled" and has never been grounded a day in her life (!) Now I am not sure which one is being the bad influence on the other. The daughter posts things calling her mother stupid, a loser and a c*** all the time, but the mother turns a blind eye or says that "kids will be kids." The daughter is also an only child and very lonely (parents are also divorced). I'm torn because I don't want to keep SD away from her friend and I also don't know HOW I could keep her away - if I forbade her from going over there or hanging out with her, I feel that will just make her want to do it even more. But I also don't want to say nothing. I just can't believe the mother is okay with being called awful names for everyone to see and doesn't find that type of behavior concerning. I feel like she is setting herself up to be taken advantage of because she "just can't" ever tell the daughter no, but I don' want to cross any lines either.
You don't have to be sure who is the perpetrator.
Though IMHO you and your DH need to act. If this is new behavior, use the "if it looks like a dog, smells like a dog, and barks like a dog, it must be a dog" method and close this down pronto.
Tht does not necessarily mean you end their friendship, but you can for damned sure give SD the clear message that it only happens in your home. Then set up a tech monitor to record everything they are doing. When you have the footage, smack the friends's idiot mother in the face with the facts. Recording online activity in your home that a kid resident in your home is participating in, is part of parenting IMHO.
Well, my SD was doing things
Well, my SD was doing things she wasn't supposed to be doing in our home, so I put my foot firmly down and told her that I wouldn't allow it. So I guess she found a loop-hole and realized that she CAN get away with more things at the friend's house. The friend's mother looked me dead in the eye not long ago and admitted her daughter is "very spoiled" and "gets whatever she wants" and she "just can't say no" to her. I was a little taken aback. The daughter also comes from divorced parents - she sees her father on the weekends and he pretty much lets her do whatever she wants because he wants to be the "fun" and "cool" parent, buys her whatever she wants, almost as if he is trying to buy her love and one-up her mother. I have tried nicely to ask the mother to keep a closer eye on the girls when they are at her house, but I don't think she's listening to me at all. It isn't happening in MY home, so I feel stuck.
One the one hand it's true
One the one hand it's true you can not possibly control every thing your sd does, she's going to act out and make bad choices sometimes. But on the other hand that also doesn't mean you let her do something you feel is dangerous to her physical, mental, emotional or moral development. It's important for her own future wellbeing that she learns to differentiate between good friends and bad friends. Those we spend time with leave their mark on us, good or bad. If a man goes into a closet with a skunk, it doesn't make the skunk smell better but it sure can stink up the man. She may like this girl but it sounds like she's going to be a really negative influence on sd. She needs training and guidance to be successful in finding good friends. Based on the history you have shared about her mom, it's not going to be a surprise if she is often drawn to the wrong person. She'll need help to learn to recognize this trend. Start teaching her early what real friends are, it's more than just having a laugh together. This girl is a playmate, a real friend supports your good qualities and brings out your best.
I 100% agree. My SD isn't a
I 100% agree. My SD isn't a perfect angel, but I have gotten bad vibes from this friend since Day One.
Update: They are no longer friends! Surprise!