Yes! I think this is fairly common. In my case, it's slowly getting better, as far as DH goes. I'm still invisible to the skids most of the time, and I'm pretty ok with that.
We have 50/50, so I can't even blame it on not seeing the skids frequently. When I first moved in with DH, any time the kids were here I felt like I might as well have not existed. I wasn't included in conversations, I was "left behind" when we were walking thru the mall, I wasn't included in any decisions about what we might do or where we might go. DH would go off with one of the kids to their room and I wouldn't see him again for hours. He would sleep with SD--saying he didn't mean to but he just fell asleep while getting her to sleep. There were times I swore I could have up and left for vacation and he might have noticed when the laundry started to pile up.
We are working on over 3 years living together now, and while there are still times it's an issue, it is far better. The skids are more apt to spend time doing stuff on their own. He tries to include me in conversations when we are all in the same place. If I am being "left behind" at the mall, I just go off and do my own thing (I don't necessarily like this, but it does get my point across and has vastly cut down on how often it happens...especially if they have to hunt me down when they are ready to leave). They may decide to go do something--see a movie or whatever, and I at least get asked if I would like to go along.
I am beyond confused on why anyone would tolerate this for one minute much less for 3+ years. I am a call it when it happens guy an won't tolerate it even once much less repeatedly for years on end.
But... maybe that is just me and I am the one with the unreasonable perspective on acceptable and unacceptable behavior and levels of tolerance for how I will be treated.
What are the options Rags? Would you divorce your spouse because their kid won't talk to you? What if you two had kids together? Sometimes the DH just is not willing to take their kid to task.
Most of the time DH is too busy parenting SM to parent his kids.
Nope, I would not divorce a spouse over a rude kid but I would not tolerate rude behvior from any child particularly one that is present regularly in my home. However, I would firmly give my spouse the clear message that they enforce basic behavioral standards for prior relationship spawn and any subsequent children, tolerates zero and I do mean zero disrespectful behavior towards themselves and their spouse, and sets an ample of what a man/woman, husband/wife, and father/mother is to all of the children in the equation.
A spouse has a choice, be the equity life partner their partner deserves, or get cut loose.
I would not tolerate anything less from my SO nor would I offer her anthing less from me.
As equity life partners SOs are also equity parents to any children in their home regardless of kid biology. If one SO will not step up and parent before the other has to then the spineless SO can STFU and have the back back of the other while the other SO parents they can expect to have to find another partner. Step up or shut up is how it should work IMHO.
Fortunately, I was able to learn from the toxic partner in my first marriage and avoid toxicity and duplicity in my current marriage. My bride and I have figured out something that works for us.
If the SOs can synch and have each others backs and enforce behavioral standards on anyone that is part of or interfaces with the family then I think everyone can have a decent blended family experience.
Oh I'm the invisible man. I'm like Buster from Arrested Development - neither seen nor heard!
But I tend to keep myself to myself for my own sanity so I can't expect to be showered with attention! I'm generally spoken to when they want something but as soon as their dad hoves back in to view then I cease to exist.
I don't take it personally now because I have witnessed their lack of manners/communication around other people, even their own close relatives. DH doesn't seem to be interested in getting them to be polite and social and it's not my job to intervene.
I ignore them and they ignore me and that's just the way I like it.
I was outside and it was blowing a gale so the ss22 laundry was blowing into the pool. Not my business.
By the time he figured out where his clothes where the chlorine had bleached them....
My SDs are teenagers and mostly I'm invisible. And at this point I'm ok with that..but not in my house. It is my home and I will not feel ignored or slighted in MY house. I know that it's SO house too but if his kids don't want to do the blend then they don't have to come here. And for the most part they don't. He talks to them daily and goes to their activities..takes them for coffee etc but they hardly come here anymore. It's less stressful that's for sure.
Yes! I think this is fairly
Yes! I think this is fairly common. In my case, it's slowly getting better, as far as DH goes. I'm still invisible to the skids most of the time, and I'm pretty ok with that.
We have 50/50, so I can't even blame it on not seeing the skids frequently. When I first moved in with DH, any time the kids were here I felt like I might as well have not existed. I wasn't included in conversations, I was "left behind" when we were walking thru the mall, I wasn't included in any decisions about what we might do or where we might go. DH would go off with one of the kids to their room and I wouldn't see him again for hours. He would sleep with SD--saying he didn't mean to but he just fell asleep while getting her to sleep. There were times I swore I could have up and left for vacation and he might have noticed when the laundry started to pile up.
We are working on over 3 years living together now, and while there are still times it's an issue, it is far better. The skids are more apt to spend time doing stuff on their own. He tries to include me in conversations when we are all in the same place. If I am being "left behind" at the mall, I just go off and do my own thing (I don't necessarily like this, but it does get my point across and has vastly cut down on how often it happens...especially if they have to hunt me down when they are ready to leave). They may decide to go do something--see a movie or whatever, and I at least get asked if I would like to go along.
I am beyond confused on why
I am beyond confused on why anyone would tolerate this for one minute much less for 3+ years. I am a call it when it happens guy an won't tolerate it even once much less repeatedly for years on end.
But... maybe that is just me and I am the one with the unreasonable perspective on acceptable and unacceptable behavior and levels of tolerance for how I will be treated.
What are the options Rags?
What are the options Rags? Would you divorce your spouse because their kid won't talk to you? What if you two had kids together? Sometimes the DH just is not willing to take their kid to task.
Most of the time DH is too busy parenting SM to parent his kids.
Nope, I would not divorce a
Nope, I would not divorce a spouse over a rude kid but I would not tolerate rude behvior from any child particularly one that is present regularly in my home. However, I would firmly give my spouse the clear message that they enforce basic behavioral standards for prior relationship spawn and any subsequent children, tolerates zero and I do mean zero disrespectful behavior towards themselves and their spouse, and sets an ample of what a man/woman, husband/wife, and father/mother is to all of the children in the equation.
A spouse has a choice, be the equity life partner their partner deserves, or get cut loose.
I would not tolerate anything less from my SO nor would I offer her anthing less from me.
As equity life partners SOs are also equity parents to any children in their home regardless of kid biology. If one SO will not step up and parent before the other has to then the spineless SO can STFU and have the back back of the other while the other SO parents they can expect to have to find another partner. Step up or shut up is how it should work IMHO.
Fortunately, I was able to learn from the toxic partner in my first marriage and avoid toxicity and duplicity in my current marriage. My bride and I have figured out something that works for us.
If the SOs can synch and have each others backs and enforce behavioral standards on anyone that is part of or interfaces with the family then I think everyone can have a decent blended family experience.
I don't go anymore. I use
I don't go anymore. I use that time to do things I enjoy
Oh I'm the invisible man. I'm
Oh I'm the invisible man. I'm like Buster from Arrested Development - neither seen nor heard!
But I tend to keep myself to myself for my own sanity so I can't expect to be showered with attention! I'm generally spoken to when they want something but as soon as their dad hoves back in to view then I cease to exist.
I don't take it personally now because I have witnessed their lack of manners/communication around other people, even their own close relatives. DH doesn't seem to be interested in getting them to be polite and social and it's not my job to intervene.
I ignore them and they ignore
I ignore them and they ignore me and that's just the way I like it.
I was outside and it was blowing a gale so the ss22 laundry was blowing into the pool. Not my business.
By the time he figured out where his clothes where the chlorine had bleached them....
My SDs are teenagers and
My SDs are teenagers and mostly I'm invisible. And at this point I'm ok with that..but not in my house. It is my home and I will not feel ignored or slighted in MY house. I know that it's SO house too but if his kids don't want to do the blend then they don't have to come here. And for the most part they don't. He talks to them daily and goes to their activities..takes them for coffee etc but they hardly come here anymore. It's less stressful that's for sure.