Out of Control Stepdaughter physically trying to hurt me
I am a stepmother of a 10 year old girl. My husband and I have been with each other for about 3 years now.
My stepdaughter has gone from bad to totally out of control. When she is not acting like she is a two year old screaming and crying she is physically trying to harm me. She has gone from putting nails in front of where I would walk when I have no shoes on to trying to break my arm after I just had rotator cuff surgery.
We have tried everything to take control of this situation but nothing has worked. Her mother is at best a part timer, she is really only concerned about herself and has no time for a child unless it fits her schedule.
I raise my stepdaughter, I bring her to school, feed her, make her food, clean her clothes I do everything for her. Her mother told me I am not do displine her daughter in anyway shape or form.
My husband has tried everything from talking to her to yelling at her to taking everything away from her. Togeather we have tried every resorce we can think of, I am at the end of my rope.
How can I be a good stepmohter to a child that I am starting to feel hate towards. Is this normal?? I feel like I am losing the battle here although I will not let her run me off as she wants.
She tells me that she will do whatever it takes to make me leave and her attempts at physical abuse towards me are getting worse and worse.
Everyday she screams and will not do her homework, she will not study her spelling or science, she screams if I do not give her the answers. She screams if I ask her to do anything or if I tell her to do something as little as pick up her shoes.
God, I think what have I got myself into on a daily basis. I feel like I am falling into a black hole and can't find the way out.
Any help???? We have tried everything. I finally told my husband he had to find a way to get his ex to start taking responsibility of their daughter and that I was not doing this anymore. I know she will never do that, but I feel she needs to start being a mom since she only has her daughter at the most 48 days a year (usually 35) and we have her at the least 317 days a year.
Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel for you
I really don't know what to say. I'm scared for you. What your step daughter is doing is exactly what I'm scared my step son may start doing when he gets bigger than me (he is 10 right now). Keep me in touch on how you are doing and how you handle all this with your step daughter. Just be safe and take care of you first
Maybe seek counseling...
It sounds like your SD has some major issues and I'm frightened for you. Maybe it is time to speak to a Therapist.
where is her father...
What does your husband do when she acts out? If he's not around at these times, i would set up a video camera in a common area and let it run and play it for him. It sounds like you are really in harms way and thats not okay, she has some real anger that she needs to get out have you tried talking to a therapist or get her into sports, maybe even try a military program. Somthing to keep her mind busy and positive.
Good Luck
Other areas of her life?
How does SD interact with others - school, biomom, friends, etc.? I would not choose to handle this on my own if I were you. She is probably very, very angry b/c of the simple fact that bioparents are NOT INVOLVED ENOUGH.
They seem to be using you as the punching bag for this very disturbed child whom they have no idea how to handle. It's not your problem and you could have a lot to lose. Also do you have children of your own?
If you try to protect yourself from SD and something happens to SD during the process, you could have another type of nightmare on your hands. (see "Cheers" and it's also something we are going through right now.)
It will be hard but I would definitely back off immediately from this situation.
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It seems to me that maybe...
I am so sorry. I cannot imagine being in your shoes.. At all.
What I see is a little girl who is hurt and with hurt comes a lot of anger. Because her mom is not there with her but 48 days a year. She is probably feeling abandoned and alone. Think about you being her age or in her shoes and not having your bio mom. She is hurting.. That is whats wrong with her. You are hurting because you are trying so hard to fill the role that her bio mom left. I would try to sit and talk with her as much as possible.. The older she gets the worse her temper is going to be and she needs to be taught now about dealing with anger, and her feelings.. You cannot make up for her mom no matter how hard you try. But you can let her know that you love her, that you are there and you want to help her.. Maybe just wrap your arms around her and give her love when she becomes irrate.. I am no expert and I may be totally wrong on this little girl. but its worth a try.
As far as her mom goes I would just let her know that she is not with her 24/7 all year long. The bio mom I believe is the root problem to this little girls problems..
We are here for you.. Good luck.
My stepdaughter beats up on
My stepdaughter beats up on me too & she's 11. I'm wicked nice & I'm sick of her crap. I think in my case kids are out of control because Mom is out of control...unfortunately I have to deal with those bratty kids. I HATE it. Even my niece who is living with us & all my husband's family think the kids are total brats. It's unbelievable. I unfortunately don't have any advice, but can relate.