Husband relationship with bio mom
Hi there, I have two stepdaughters, and one baby with my husband. Things aren't great with my stepdaughters bio mom, but I give an honest effort every second of the day.
My issue isn't with the bio mom however.
I'm wondering as the stepmom, what sort of relationship is ok regarding my husband and the ex. I know they have monthly meetings, and call or text several times a day.. But my husband insists these text messages are private, and only talks to her on the phone when I'm not there. It bothers me a lot that their relationship is private. I know they share children, but I'm sharing those same children with my husband, and don't understand what needs to be private.
Any insight on what's normal regarding the "private" relationship between bio parents not together ?
In my opinion that seems
In my opinion that seems REALLY inappropriate. I asked my DH to please leave me out of all th debates he has with his kids BM, but even so he's never secretive about it, and if I'm interested in what's going on he doesn't hesitate to fill me in. I think if be very uncomfortable in your situation and insist on a change. Also, I don't know the parameters of your specific visitation situation, but several times a day seems excessive in ANY circumstance. Even if there's nothing fishy happening between them, there's something wrong with their communication that makes it very inefficient. My DH and I have a policy we jokingly call, "nothing but the facts, ma'am" where communication with our exes is concerned. If either of them try to discuss anything other than our shared children we disregard the comment or shut the conversation down. It keeps communication very streamlined and businesslike. Have you expressed how uncomfortable you are?
You have every right to be
You have every right to be upset and conceded.
If you could, figure out your main statements so if you decide to talk the conversation may remain somewhat concise. It may help to use I statements. "I feel ____ when this happens" or "when things aren't shared with me I feel __"
May help with any feeling of "nagging" that men like to claim women do..
Sounds like they have at the
Sounds like they have at the very least some unresolved issues going on there. The level of communication going is excessive for even a relationship where you share children. Then to enforce such a level of privacy and exclusion makes his actions seem very untrustworthy. What's your gut feeling?
Its in his best interest, as well as that of the children to have clear lines of communication with you. If you can, talk to him about it. Over time things may get better - but if it doesn't, then be on the lookout for what could be causing this behaviour.
This doesn't pass the smell
This doesn't pass the smell test. There is nothing wrong with partners having friends that are not common to the marriage. However, if either partner is uncomfortable with the parameters of one of these friendships then something needs to change.
This much "secrecy" with an X is not appropriate IMHO. DH needs some clarity or he needs to be paying you CS as you move on to a partner who treats you as an equity partner.
My DW kept me fully informed of any interface with my SS's Sperm Clan. I kept her informed of any discussions my SS and I had. He tended to share Sperm Clan visitation drama with me rather than with his mom because he did not want to upset her. Equity partnership includes full disclosure and participation.
IMHO of course.
Sorry, but that's not normal.
:jawdrop: Sorry, but that's not normal. Not at all.
Monthly meetings?! That's a
Monthly meetings?! That's a new one. And where do they meet?
I don't know about my DH's communications with our BM either, but that's because she is psycho and I asked not to be involved anymore. But he would tell me if I asked. Not secretive at all.
I also smell a rat.
I'm sorry Ashely, but trust your gut. **Hugs***