Thank you for the opportunity to be a part of your community. I have been reading, for a couple of weeks, the challenges and in some cases horrors you are facing in your personal lives. You are all so brave. I encourage everyone to fight for the happiness that you deserve in life!

I am 35. I have never been married and have no children other than my dogs. Although I have dated, I chose to focus on my education and career, which I do not regret for a single moment. I met a man 3 years ago at my job, asked him to have a drink and we have been together ever since. Dating was challenging. He lived a couple of states away, but frequently traveled to the city in which I lived for business. When he wasn't working in my city, he would drive 10 hours (roundtrip) to see me to take me out to dinner and spend time with me, take the pups and I on hikes, send me beautiful flowers and thoughtful presents, and he has taken me on vacations most people only dream about. Needless to say he is very romantic, but what attracts me to him is his gentle heart, kind nature and desire to put me first. Honestly, I have a track record of choosing the @ssh. He is the first nice guy I have dated and I love and care for him deeply.

He has 4 children from a previous marriage. The eldest is not his biological child. However, he adopted and raised the boy as his own from a very young age. This son is 24 and currently living out of the US. He has one son is now a freshman in college, one who will be a freshman in high school, and a son who is 8 and has been diagnosed with autism. I have not met his children. There were opportunities, but I think he and I both shied away from them. I am not so sure that either of us know how to approach introductions. Quite frankly, I have been extremely nervous about meeting the children and I am no sure I really want to. Is is possible to lead a separate, happy life away from his first marriage drama?? I fully accept that he has children and I want him to 100% be actively involved and as close as possible to his children He loves them dearly and has been an amazing dad to them. I know that they love him as well and are hurting bc of the circumstances of the divorce. He and his ex wife lived within 20 minutes of one another and the children were homeschooled. He was fortunate that some of his contracts allow him to work 80% from home, and the boys would spend more than half of the year living with him. Unfortunately, we failed to act soon enough with regards to me meeting his children. Although we were 5 or so hours away, we were on the same coast. A few months ago, his ex wife moved herself and the boys across the country...geographically as far away as they could possibly be.

In Feb of this year, he accepted a 1-3 year job contract which would put myself and him further away from one another but provided an extraordinary income potential (10 hours, 1 way). We decided together that we would not be happy with the distance and decided to move in together. We rented a nice house in a great neighborhood and made sure that we had ample room for visitors, and his children each have their own rooms. We were planning to fly across the country for me to meet the children in a casual setting during a long weekend.

When his ex wife found out that he was seriously dating and that we had moved in together, she seemed surprisingly interested yet calm. She asked him questions about the house, the size, if the children would have their own rooms and even a few questions about me. He naively gave her personal information about me (my last name, when I grew up, that I owned a house etc) not thinking that she would use that information maliciously. From his recount of the conversation, everything went over decently enough until she asked about my religious affiliation, and upon learning that I am not religious, she pretty much became unhinged and started screaming at him over the phone. The next day, she contacted him to report that she has done background checks on me and did not like what she found and that I was a horrible person and that was using him and she would not let him see his children as long as I was in the picture.

So...about me...I went to a private university on a full academic scholarship in a program that prepared future teachers (I was going to be a high school English teacher)...I lived in London for 3 years during that time, have travelled, held steady employment, was involved in prestigious internships in both London and Washington DC. I did not graduate from this university bc during my senior year, my father was diagnosed with severe M.S. along with health complications from years of alcohol abuse and smoking. I am an only child and my mom was unable to afford private care and work the 40+hours a week needed to pay her mortgage and basically live, so I moved back in with her for a little over a year. During that time, I reunited with friends and started working for a small residential building company. After about 18 months,I had the opportunity to start a small real estate investment company and started flipping houses. We did reasonably well, and during that time, my father's heath had improved, so I moved to a larger city to expand the business. Unfortunately, this was the same time that the housing market collapsed, and long story short, my business failed and I lost a good portion of the $ I had earned and saved. With my ego hurt, I took my savings and opened a small retail business which had reasonable success for about 3 years. However, the cost of operating a small business and the time and the pressures eventually got to me and I decided to enter back into the world of the regular workforce and got a management job for a small business in the area. During all of this time, even though my businesses were not successes, I never took out 1 loan or accepted $ from anyone. I still stand behind my decisions and have no shame in my past. I also told my boyfriend everything about my past including my decision to leave college (I paid back my scholarship in full as well, btw) and my businesses. I don't consider myself a failure and have learned a great many lessons from the choices I have made. I enrolled in a local college to finish my degree, but since it was a small, liberal arts college, I was forced to take a bunch of classes that I was not required to take at my previous university, but I went to school part time and worked 40-60 hours a week.

Basically, since my boyfriend has told his ex wife that he loves me and isn't leaving, she has refused to let him see his children. She doesn't want them to meet me, has issues about the morality of our relationship, has said hurtful things about his lack of judgement and called him a horrible father. All of this just tears him up. He tries to protect me from it, but I see and feel his hurt.

His eldest bio son is now attending a university on our side of the country. The Ex did agree to let him take that son to college and the 15 year old could ride along (1 week ago). This was the first time they had seen one another since Jan of 2013. She threatened that if he tried to introduce us during that time that she would never him see his younger children again. They have joint custody...he has bought plane tickets, made invitations and she keeps changing the schedule and signing the 15 year old up for programs to keep him busy. She has even enrolled him in public school so that he can't be with his dad (at minimum) every other month, per their original agreement. She had encouraged the son away at college to visit his friends at Thanksgiving (which also happens to be his father's birthday)...I mean really using the children in horrible ways to hurt their dad.

However, now, she has manifested another facet, and is sending him texts with pictures of her in her wedding dress, the view from her bed, describing the mountains where she lives and saying how he would love her home and her bedroom. She has sent emails telling him that she loves him. I haven't read them...he only told me about this yesterday bc I picked up his phone to broadcast the wi-fi in the house...and I saw the pictures she has been sending him. In his defense, he had not responded to any of them. However, he hadn't told me anything until confronted, asking if he was emotionally reconnecting with her. Needless to say, I was very concerned and upset. He says he is trying to protect me...bc he knew how much her background snooping and attempt at making me look bad to him had hurt me. I don't have any reason not to believe him, he has never given me the slightest reason not to trust him, but somehow, now, suspicions, curiosity and hurt are slowly piling up and negatively affecting me, which in turn impacts our relationship. I am trying to stay busy, be positive, focus on being a good partner,friend and person in general, but those negative thoughts keep creeping in.

Just for your information...she is the one who initiated the divorce (5 years ago)...she was a stay at home mom, he provided 100% for the family, paid half of her college debt ($70k) and she joined the military and left him. She even has the nerve to complain that he left her 70k in debt from her college loans! She tries to guilt him with religious morality...us living in sin, how she doesn't date anyone who is full of sin such as myself, etc. This woman is a chaplain in the military...which makes me shake my head on a continual basis.

We have talked about setting boundaries with her. Him blocking her from his cell (which stops the texts and photos), getting a house phone with voicemail specifically for communication with her about co-parenting and for any emergency contact (also both boys have their own cell phones and can reach their dad via email). I also read one member's idea of getting a joint email account so that she knows that their communication isn't private (which I would hope would discourage the heartfelt, I love you, emails but should I even be reading her craziness?). I would love to hear any other advice you may have for me. I don't want to give up on the happiness we have bc of the chaos she is creating. I know this is his to handle, and I don't want to control him, only support him. Neither of us really have a clue what to do. We are going to hire an attorney in her state...I have the sneaking suspicion that he is just setting him up to maybe demand more $ (he pays his child support and takes very good care of his children financially) or attempt to get sole custody of the two younger boys.

I know this is a long post. It is my rant and vent and cry for experienced opinions.
Thank you in advance for your time and any help.