You are here

DH says he is disengaging from SS - What???

I Need A Bubble Bath's picture
Forums: 

I posted before that DH wasn't taking my disengaging very well. I have been living life - going on weekend trips with my friends (DH is invited if he can find childcare, but he never does), buy my own groceries and only cook for myself, refuse to be the carpool, only go to sport/band event that I feel like going to, turned the spare bedroom into a lounge where I spend my evenings away from SS's hovering and easedropping, I no longer pay for anything for SS including school stuff or clothing. Once I get home from work the pool is adult swim only and since SS and DH get home right before me the spawn doesnt get to swim. I took my X-box (paid for it) and put it in my lounge for my adult childrent to play when they visit. I spend time with DH after SS goes to bed and on the every other weekend he is at BM's. 

DH needs lots of attention. The other evening he came into my new lounge and said he was going to disengage with me. HA! I asked who was watching SS becasue he can not be trusted to be left alone (not the maturest of 12 yo's and as devious as BM). He tried to convince me it would be fine, but I was firm with "This is my house and he is not be roaming unattended." He also said he wasn't going to drive him back and forth to school events any more and groceries and clothing were getting expensive. 

What? This is his child! Anyway...we had some words, he left the lounge, and is back to full time parenting. Suck it up, Buttercup. I married you, but I didn't have a child with you and according to the courts in my state a SP has no rights, therefore no responsibility. You chose to have a child with someone who turned out to be a no-good crack-whore, and that apple didn't fall far from the maternal tree. 

I'm interested to see where this will go. 

hereiam's picture

What an idiot. He cannot disengage from his own child, of whom he has primary custody.

He is not taking your disengaging well, because that means more work for him. Sorry, DAD, that's the way it should be, it is YOUR kid, man up.

advice.only2's picture

I would expect more melt downs in the future layered with either guilt or anger depending on the reaction he hopes to get out of you.

caninelover's picture

LOL - legally that's child abandonment.  Its his child, his responsibility!

I Need A Bubble Bath's picture

BM is worse. Sad thing is, when SS is not at home he couldn't be a more wonderful partner. But neither of them should have ever had a child. He tells me all the time how great my children turned out. It's because I parented them. And evven though their father and I didn't work out we both still had the best interest of our children at heart. He is good to my children, but they are grown. 

ndc's picture

He's going to disengage with you???  Bwahahahaha, your H could be a comedian!

Good for you for standing firm and not giving SS an opportunity to wreak havoc in your home while unsupervised.  I can see this going one of three ways.  Best case:  your H steps up and takes parenting and financial responsibility for SS once he realizes that you are not going to enable him and the job is his.  Worst case:  your H decides he could get a sweeter deal with another woman who will financially support him AND play happy family by taking parenting responsibility for SS.  I don't see that happening, as he has as good a chance of finding a unicorn.   Likely case:  your H muddles along, is somewhat resentful of you for not participating in his happy family vision, does an OK but less-than-stellar job with SS, and eventually SS reaches the age of majority and leaves the nest (perhaps to join BM).

I Need A Bubble Bath's picture

OMG! He has actually told called me his unicorn. SMH!!! I think you are spot on in your scenerios. 

Stepdrama2020's picture

He is whining its expensive raising a kid and no more driving to events. LOL he sure misses your contribution where he spent less and devoted less time to his devil child.  Too bad, OP it aint  your problemo.

You did good girl in the way you handled this. Your DH is being a suck boy.