BM and SD causing stressful situation
Hi
can anyone pls help as I'm going out of my mind with worry!
long story short out the blue SD no longer wants to stay. Her way of communicating that is to get hysterical refuse to get in the car and ignore her dad for what's nearly a year. BM took her to counselling because she was having panic attacks (apparently) at the thought of coming here, a long list but really extreme stuff all because she doesn't want to come. We were never provided with an explanation but BM had said something must be going on at our house because her daughter is so distressed etc.
all of a sudden BM files application for dad to see her (local to them) they live 30 mins away for just a few hours.
Court have ordered a section 7 report which really concerns me, the basis of the report is to investigate and assess the suitability of our home, what risks harm we have caused the child and a parental capability assessment for my husband. To be clear he's a brilliant dad.
im very worried by this I have three of my own children who actually want to be with us and live here and I'm concerned that these remarks about done thing happening at our house could get my children involved. Also I'd have to explain that to my ex partner who won't be best pleased.
so what are they looking for with parental capability and house assessments ? Any clues?
i really do not want SD back here it's causing too much stress and I think it's quite dangerous and my children will be collateral damage in all of this. What can I do I'm so worried
thanks
I never had to go as far as
I never had to go as far as you did but I know that for us the GAL (who was long distance) did a video tour of our house via facetime. Our lawyer told us it was a possibility to I made sure bedrooms were clean LOL
Basically DH just walked him around the house, showed him all the bedrooms, closets, where we kept guns in a locked safe, our pantry and Fridge. It wasn't a big deal and wasn't overly intrusive. I was expecting worse.
I imagine that someone may want to talk to your kids, my kids were prepared for that- just meaning they knew they might be asked some questions. We told them to be honest.
If there are CPS
If there are CPS investigations stemming from visitation in the home, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask your DH to have visitation with his daughter outside of the home.
Right now, you don't know the allegations? who made them? (sd or BM)..
Of course, all children in a home could have their ability to remain dependent upon the outcome of an investigation.. they find out you have an abusive home.. they could be taken... theoretically.
BUT.. as far as having a home visit.. ensuring things are orderly and supplies are available food.. toiletries etc.. that the kids in the home appear healthy and mentally good.. that's all you really can do on that front.
However, you need to find out what the allegations are that you or your home are being accused of. Maybe the accusation is that your bios picked on her to the point where she didn't want to come back.. who knows.. but I can't understand how/why your DH didn't get to the bottom of this and just turned around and didn't pick up his daughter...even when she was throwing a fit.... even if just to say.. I at least want to spend a little time with you.. will bring you home in an hour.. or whatever.
It sounds like PA. We had the
It sounds like PA. We had the same situation here, where it was all of a sudden "traumatic" for SS to come to our home. BM didn't call CPS (she needs a break from SSs, so doesn't want DH to lose time), but she tried to get a court order for SS to see a therapist who specializes in child abuse cases. BM's allegations (and supposedly SS's allegations) were that DH and I spend all the time when SSs are with us talking about how much we hate BM. DH got a lawyer and they had a mediation where he agreed that SSs should see a counselor (DH had actually suggested that years earlier) and also gave BM more money even though she "didn't have" all of her income documents. SSs then went to see the counselor for maybe three months before BM stopped taking them. We only know they stopped going, because DH was required to go to a session with SS and he ended up going to three sessions with him and during the third session the counselor made a comment about how SS had stopped seeing her on his own. Also, BM made a big deal about reducing visitation (by a whole 12 hours EOWE) for one SS, but then she got tired of driving twice, so she told DH SS was now "fine" coming for the full visitation. Really, I think BM just wanted more child support, but knew she couldn't get it using normal income calculations, so she had to threaten to take away time and access to SS, because she knew DH would fight that. She also got DH's brother involved and it caused a huge rift between DH and his brother that will never be mended because BIL refuses to see / admit he was manipulated by BM. Recently, both SSs asked something about BIL and DH told him that BIL broke his trust and specifically mentioned the incident with BM. The one SS who found it traumatic to come to our home, cried and told DH that he was pressured by BM into doing that. Moral of the story is that HCBMs are not above using their children as weapons to exact revenge on their ex.