Bit of a dilemma...concert in a few weeks.
Before I disengaged some 7 months ago now DH bought tickets for a concert for me to go with himself and OSD- we did this before with no hassle, although I wasn't wholly comfortable with her coming along.
When he got back from his Tuesday night 'date' with OSD last night, he reminded me about it and then told me stepgrandkid, MSD and partner are all coming along too and did I still want to to go?
It is the same weekend as my son's visit, although he will have gone by then- so I just said I'd check when son is going back and let him know.
So, what should I do? The concert is a few weeks away but these seem to be my options:
Just say no I don't want to go and let him give the ticket to someone else
Go along and test the water with people I haven't seen for months
Tell DH I'd love to go but will be too tired from family visit and won't enjoy it
Just say nothing until he asks me again
Ask him if he wants me to go or rather I not be there?
Wait and see how I feel- not a good option if I back out at last minute and there is an empty seat
I'd like some advice on how you would manage this one. The concert itself I can take or leave, I've seen this act a few times before and DH likes it more than me.
I think I'm tempted to ask if he'd prefer I wasn't there and he could relax without the obvious tension that would ensue?
From reading your post it
From reading your post it sounds like you really don't want to go. I can definitely relate here. If you ask him does he want you to attend the concert and he says yes then you will feel obligated to go. If there is going to be tension and you're going to be uncomfortable, I say don't go. I think ultimately your DH does want his DW by his side. But I also don't think you should put yourself in a situation where you are not going to be able to relax and enjoy yourself.
I would probably not attend. SS12 and SS15 and I barely speak. I think if I ever have to go anywhere with them I would be screaming on the inside.
There are some movies coming out soon and DH has mentioned taking SS12 and SS15. I will not be attending. My plan is the weekends that they spend the night that is when I will go.
Let DH go and have a "Me Time" evening.
I think if it was just me and
I think if it was just me and DH (like it used to be) then I would go of course, but the inclusion of OSD and now his grand-daughter and other daughter and partner (he will have paid for them all of course, and probably wants to go for a meal out first,as well as collecting OSD and daughter to take them) is just a reflection of how he would rather be with them than with me. He would probably say he wants me to go- if this show hadn't been booked before my disengagement then it wouldn't be an issue. I don't want to go, no- maybe I should stick with my gut feeling that they are planning to gang upon me!
Trust and follow your
Trust and follow your instincts. I like it when it's just me and DH. I know that is bad of me. Your gut will not lead you down the wrong path.
I would just tell him that
I would just tell him that since that is the weekend that your son is visiting, DH is free to give the ticket to someone else. Tell him you hope he has a nice time. Leave it at that.
You don't need to mention that your son may have already left by then....you will have other things to do to get caught up on by then.
You had mentioned going along to "test the waters". I will need a lot of evidence of improved behavior before I ever stick my toe back in.
It isn't really the behaviour
It isn't really the behaviour of my skids that is the issue here. I can be civil and polite to them if I need to be in their company. However, this was me, DH and OSD, now it seems the part of the 'coven' is coming along- mainly I suspect because DH has paid for them all, will manage the transport and probably treat them all to a meal (which I wouldn't go to) I think it is this 'ganging' up that bothers me most.
Not only does it seem like
Not only does it seem like you don't really want to go but it seems your husband doesn't really want you to go, either, the way that he brought it up to you, letting you know that MSD, partner, and grandkid will now be going. It's like he was saying, "I've made it even more uncomfortable for you, are you sure you want to go?" Hint, hint.
I don't know him, obviously, that's just the way it reads to me.
Yep- this occurred to me too.
Yep- this occurred to me too. I may well decline and tell him to have a date with all the women in his life, maybe suggest he invites ex his SIL and his three exes along too!
FAiryO... I say go..... and
FAiryO... I say go..... and enjoy it, you do not have to talk to them, it's a concert lol.... but keep up the appearances just to show the snowflakes you still matter in their father's life, oh hell hold his hand, make sure you sit next to him...
Oh I am tempted Acrat! If he
Oh I am tempted Acrat! If he suggests a meal before I may go and order the most expensive thing on the menu- have a few cocktails and then insist on buying an expensive programme, tee-shirt, and all the merchandise as well as multiple ice-creams etc in the interval! I like this plan...! They won't speak to me anyway... you win the best suggestion prize!
EXPENSIVE cocktails...
EXPENSIVE cocktails... }:)
Hmmmmm ok this is a great
Hmmmmm ok this is a great plan. It can definitely work to your advantage.
No, never celebrated, but it
No, never celebrated, but it will be awkward. They will squirm more than me though I'm sure. I'm going to look a million dollars and smile with unlimited charm... I really think DH doesn't want me to go- but I am!
So far- yes. It is a few
So far- yes. It is a few weeks ago and I decided to keep my options open- they can always find someone else to take the ticket at the last minute and I thought once I'd said no there's no back tracking. I suppose I now want to get the message across that it isn't them I've fallen out with (although I wouldn't willingly court their company) and that it is DH that is the problem. Whether that message will ever be learned is a different issue. We shall see what happens...