I have been doing this for over 6 yrs. I disengaged once before and ended up moving away back to hometown to be near my biokids 24 and  20. My DH and I remained in daily communication and visited about every week or so. (We were an hr and 1/2 away from each other). We went to couples counseling and all was working out. After about 6 months apart, we started looking for a house near where I moved to, sold the house in our previous town and he and my 2 SS moved in together again. For the first few months all was an adjustment but DH seemed to be trying. The SS 16 and 14 were overindulged and spoiled with constantly buying them things, they play hockey back in their previous town and discipline had been thrown out the door. Like I said my DH was trying first few months we were back together. I could see leaks in the facade with comments from SS like "You don't act like that when Ms -- is home" or them doing things against the rules like eating in the living room or their bedrooms, yelling at XBOX all the time.  Due to DH allowing behavior.  Then it went to kids only getting yelled at without consequence or punishment for bad behavior and catered to with their wants.  Long story short back to exact same thing as when I had moved out before.  Now I'm disengaged again, DH doesn't tell me anything they are doing and my home is not my home for peace.  There was a major blowup with SS16 about 2 months ago and he refused to go to his room to separate him from us and it grew into a horrible whole weekend long annoyance.  So I made a family counseling appt mainly so the counselor could see how our dynamic isn't working and offer some up front resolutions. We have had one counseling session where DH ran the thing and SSs voiced how they should be allowed to go back to their previous town to be with their friends every other week when hockey isn't in season and how they were told they wouldn't have to move and how bad this town is in their eyes with harder schools, kids they don't want to be friends with and there isn't as much to do here. There was no discussions about the session between all of us afterwards and business as usual.  My DH actually seems quite satisfied with me not speaking much and minding my own business.  Amazon visits often for the SSs and they go out to eat when I work and do their own things.  Meantime my kids are made to feel like outsiders when they visit, unwelcome with DH bad attitude.  Same goes for any of my other family members. I'm thinking with SSs being age they are and DH don't seem to have issues with them, I think its not worth trying to work it out.  Am I the crazy one?