Stepchild events
For starter let me give a back story , to catch y'all up.
-I've been with DH for 5 years, started dating when SD had just turned 2. Now she's 6. we had our baby together 2 years ago.
-BM was always problematic, when it came to me. She would purposely not invite us to SD Sporting events, school events, gymnastics etc. and if she did invite she would make it a point of saying only DH was invited ONLY. I've always been civil, the more mature one. Even though it's taking everything in my power to not snap. She wants called him crying trying to ask if they could get back together for " their daughter", even though him and I were already in a committed relationship, and she was in a committed relationship as well.
-DH family and BM are the best of friends. Till this day. She's even goes around and instead of asking DH to watch SD she'll ask his mother. Who jumps for anything BM says. Even though BM Just runs the street and gets ran through, while I'm over here taking care of her daughter's every need, because she throws her on us when she's sick or when she just needs a babysitter.
-DH has thrown in my face that he doesn't get to spend as much time with his daughter because of me and that he misses out on things because of me. BM type of coparenting is very shady, she tries to make it seem as if they're still together. Even though DH has an entire new family with me.
- so my problem for today is that BM invited DH to go to SD musical at school but she made it a point of saying only two people can go. Again I know for a fact multiple musicals have taken place at the school but BM neglects to inform DH that anything is happening, so for today's event I believe the only reason she told him is because the musical starts during his visitation hours. But again she went on to repeat that only two people can go multiple times. Meaning only her and DH. DH claims he didn't want to go because of me but goes on a rant about how he never goes to anything because of me. How should I feel?
Sounds like you have a DH
Sounds like you have a DH problem. Does DH see BM's antics? Your DH has no right to be blaming you for his lack of time with his daughter; his lack of time with his daughter is due to divorce and his own choices. He is gaslighting you. Honestly, it sounds like BM and DH's dynamic is very toxic and enmeshed and they need to figure that out before DH can be in a healthy relationship with you.
Why does your DH need an invitation from BM to attend
Why does your DH need an invitation from BM to attend his daughter's school events? He should get on the school's website and find the information himself. And no way should he take BM's word for anything. He should contact the school himself and find out about how many people can attend. If she is telling the truth, then he should attend - but he is under no obligation to sit with BM. If she is wrong, and you want to go, then go.
You should feel very annoyed
You should feel very annoyed with your husband. The problem isn't you, the problem is BM and your husband's inability to stiffen his spine where she's concerned. He doesn't get to make his own decision to not attend an event because you're not welcome and then blame you.
Call me a b*tch, but if my DH ever told me that he didn't get to see his daughter because of ME, when in fact it's because of BM's games that HE allows, I'd be telling him that he was going to lose time with his youngest daughter (the ours child) because of me, too, if he didn't change his attitude and start prioritizing me over BM and her ridiculous demands.
Did you or DH call the school and ask if they were in fact limiting attendees to two? Has your DH gotten onto the school's e-mail list so that he knows what is going on at school without having to rely on BM? Is he in contact with her teachers? Does he check the school's calendar and website regularly? He should not have to learn about a school event from BM.
DH is being completely wrong
I chose to be diplomatic and maturely not call him any names.
DH only did that ONCE to me(:see my posts on here Abt BM1. Like you DHs semi enmeshment with BM1 was heavily enforced by MIL who did all the things you describe your DH family doing). He found out really quick who and what will be getting blamed again bc I am not shy in mentioning the D WORD when necessary( I am also childless so a bit different).
Your DH family enforces the BS that BM will always be family and you are just the imposter who busted up their fairytale. They all blame YOU for their delusional behavior and bacaise they can't handle being disappointed in their precious son. So you are their scapegoat. I bet they also blamed DH bad grades and behavior on teachers at school not on him.
DH participates in this BS and BLAMES you? NOPE NOT HAPPENING! You have nothing to be guilty about. And to add to that ANYBODY can buy tickets to a school play you don't HAVE TO stay home.
I hope you stepped up for yourself and told him where to shove his idiotic behavior.( Sorry a little triggered lol)
Sounds like a DH problem. He
Sounds like a DH problem. He wants to have his cake (a relationship with you while being at BM's beck and call rather than be a parent himself and keep up with SD's school/events) and eat it too. (Blame you for the problems and be lazy letting BM inform him of things he should be on top of himself) Since you have a kid together there is no easy way out but he sounds very selfish. I would maybe try step couple counseling and start making an exit plan. I would disengage, don't be a free babysitter.
Your husband is blaming your for biomums childish
Self centred selfish antics. Next time your idiot husbands pulls this bullshit and scapegoats and blames you for why its like this, repeat this:
"no its not my fault, its bio mum being a selfish self centred adult with childish behaviour wanting to reinforce that i am not your family!! She is intentionally trying to prove she comes first and you're the idiot who repeatedly encourages and acknowledges and excuse this behaviour because you have no balls to stand up for me and you're teaching our child that this behaviour is perfectly acceptable while trashtalking and disrespecting their mum"
I wouldn't even shut my mouth and tolerate this nonsense. Shut this shit down now. Hubby has a choice to ignore her requests but because he has no balls, he caves into exwife. Make him fear you more and the consequences of upsetting and disrespecting you and any crap from bio mum falls on deaf ears.
I read somewhere that men destress via sex. Sex is a very persuasive tool in a balless husband. Use it to your full benefit. My husband learned long ago that allowing his feral kids to disrespect me and our kids and treat us like crap and caving into their only imaginary happy family bullshit resulted in hormonal bitchy wife who closed the gates of heaven sexdom which resulted in him unable to focus at work and come home miserable.
he learned quick that this nonsense killed any intimacy with me and pushing me to divorce him leaves him with nothing, no benefit because he knows full well his pathetic kids from exwife don't treat him as family so he's basically treated us like shit for nothing
How should you feel? That
How should you feel? That your husband is an ass who refuses to take responsibility and stand up to BM, he wants to blame you, instead.
Your DH needs to find a brain and grow some balls.
You are not the problem, his neutered status is the problem. He needs to put a foot up the asses of both BM and his mother and get them the hell out of his marriage and family dynamic. BM is not his family. You are. His mommy, needs to be put in her place.
If I were you, I would have the locks re-keyed and then tell him to go suckle on his mommy and his X.
smh
Quit thinking with your feels and start focusing on your idiot DH's pathetic manipulative crap. Fix the problem. Feels are not problem resolution tools. Intellect and action are.
ACT! NOW!