schedule
I have a SD that lives with us full time. Great kid she has her moments now and then. BM has a schedule visit in place but now feels it's ok to create her own schedule when it comes to seeing her daughter, which means she sees her whenever she can..courts are not involved and we can not force a parent to see her child. Dad did ask BM why are you trying to not make even a small effort the kid did nothing wrong but he came to understand this is what happens when a parent don't have to take on that responsibility anymore / some vanish and some do the minimum effort...you would of thought the mother would want to get involved so it's not always the men doing it ..
on most school breaks she is with me and also all summer . I know I may sound selfish but I told my partner I need a day to relax since I had her all year round I was not expecting the schedule to change but it is what it is and just like any other parent we do need s break she a great kid but our relationship can get little strange as she knows her mother don't make much effort to see her and I feel is she blaming me for that ? dad is at work full time but yes he does help out on his off days takes her out so that I can get a little me time but it's not always the case I don't know guess I feel the responsibility pushes on me when the other parent makes 0 effort and I am trying to to get used to the whole full time swing of it I just don't know
It's tough and those summers
It's tough and those summers especially are long. I don't work so I was also the defacto child care during the summer vacations when my sd was with us. I used to insist that she went to camp. We couldn't afford all summer but did usually get her in camp for two different weeks. That, plus we would take a week or so family vacation and we could break up the summer so that it wasn't just me trying to entertain her all summer long.
Also for a time we lived in
Also for a time we lived in the same town as BM and sd lived with us, BM was super flaky with weekend visits and would cancel all the time. Eventually I insisted that we (my husband and I) needed a weekend to ourselves at least once a month. He was able to get BM to do that. It helped immensely to have those weekends without sd even if it was just once a month.
- If your sd's mother is uninterested in monthly visits perhaps there is a relative of your husband who might take sd for a weekend a month?
Long weekends and summers
I was the de facto babysitter, too, since I didn't work during our early years with the 3 SKs. I had 2 bios so it made sense. BM and my ex were totally uncommitted and my parents didn't help, either.
BUT, yes, those weekends and summers get LONG. My DH86, for all his many flaws and rose-colored glasses about his kids, saw this. One day every single weekend in those early years, he took all 5 out of the house all day. It was my lifeline and made it possible to handle the rest of it. We also had a date night each weekend, hired babysitters or whatever we had to do.
Vacations, or even long weekends alone were almost impossible. I would have to beg my mom to watch mine and he paid BM to watch his.
And this is why you need a
And this is why you need a court order for visitation AND another for CS.
You are not the parent and it is not your job to look after children whose parents are dumping their kids on you because they can't be bothered with them .
Time to take your life back.
The court can not force her
The court can not force her to be a parent .but can take away her parental rights if it comes to a point where she completely not bothered ..... She has started to make a small attempt by visiting every 2 or 3 weeks for 2 days but it's a random on and off occasion sometimes it's weeks she sees her ...on my end Its a big change from a routine to a find another option type of situation
Which is why there should be
Which is why there should be a CO stipulating a visitation schedule. If she declines a visitation, so be it. But she does not get to invade your home, life, and family other than when the CO stipulates.
There are no other options. She follows the CO. She gets no other time than what is COd when it is COd. Period Dot.
That said, an NCP has basically a single advantage. The can decline any visitation they choose to not take and the CP household has to continue to care for the Skid.
Keep it simple, tolerate no bullshit from the BM, and learn the CO. Stick to the CO. Beat the snot out of BM with the CO (figuratively of course), and when BM tries to deviate and manipulatve, take a swing at her with the rolled up copy of the CO. This is IMHO what is best for the Skid. Stability, consistencly, and knowing the facts of the CO in an age appropriate manner.
We would not allow my SS-31's SpermClan to deviate from the CO. Fortunately for us the CO stipulated a long distance visitation. DW was given full physical and legal custody of SS at birth and moved out of State with SS for University just after he turned 1yo. She never moved back. A week after we married, just before SS turned 2yo the SpermClan attempted to take custody. They lost, full physical and legal was upheld for my DW, and the long distance visitation schedule was ordered. 5wks summer, 1wk winter, 1wk spring.
So our stance was fairly easy to enforce on the SpermClan. Take your COd time, but don't ask for or expect anything else. We made sure the SKid knew full well that he was loved, where his home is, and the facts regarding his SpermClan so he could protect himself from their lies, manipulations, PASing. Kids need the facts to be able to protect themselves from the machinations of a toxic side of their blended family gene pool and to protect themselves as adults. These types do not stop their crap when a kid reaches adulthoodl.
Court order visitation
Will not mean anything if BM doesn't want her DD. I just hope you are getting CS from BM. To make life easier. You must I roll SD into some programs. Sports. Where she it out fir a few hours. There nobody who can take SD. Her GP, or BIL, SIL. So you can get a adult weekend away . Or a. Week of adult vacation. ?
Unless you are a SP You don't understand. Non SP don't understand at all. You don't feel that SK are part of you, Your life isn't to make SK Happy. Bio parents had months ,of time alone, with out kids. You never had that. With bio parent famous line. Of "There nothing I can do about it"
Basically my partner used to
Basically my partner used to pay CS but since daughter lives with us full time he no longer pays BM ...... I believe the court will just have her do visitation but again the court can not force her to be a mother or force her to spend time with her child......she not getting no money from partner so good with that ... I am just like the many dafault SP wear the BM runs away and give me more of a responsibility which I don't mind but it can get overwhelming when I was not expecting things to turn from visitation to complete vanish lol .... I chose to spend time for myself, and have SD go places on weekends just so I can have a day or so to myself Just like any natural parent lol
My DW always had full
My DW always had full physical and legal custody. The SpermClan had 7wks of COd long distance visitation each year. 5wks summer, 1wk winter, 1wk spring. Our preference would have been that the Spermclan have zero visitation as no kid should have to wallow in a disfunctional shallow and polluted shit puddle of a gene pool. In the 16+ years we lived under that CO and visitation schedule there were several periods of a year or more that they refused all visitation for some bullshit reason or another.
We did learn to get on with life while our son was in SpermLand. Using those visitations as couple time.
As infuriating as a POS opposition may be, if the opposition is the NCP, the one point of power they have is that they can decline visitation any time they feel like it and the CP has to continue to provide care and oversight for the kid on what would be the NCP's time.
Even as the SP, my preference would have been to have SS-31 all of the time. Unfortunately that was not the cards we had to play. So, we had him all but 7wks per year most years and all year and more during others.
A CO is a critical success factor in managing a toxic blended family opposition. Your DH has physical custody, he needs to lock down legal custody and get a visitation CO to hold BM to and to protect his child and you from his failed family baggage.