You are here

Do I stop having them call her?

Step-Mom-ster's picture
Forums: 

New, and new to being a SM, no children of my own, & looking for advice....BM moved a couple of months ago to another state (was in and out of their lives for about 7 months before that, not too many visits and unstable contact history) we have full custody, recently she started having to call my phone to talk to the children (ages 5 & 6) due to DH's work schedule change. She tends to not call....I am sometimes known as being too nice...and will have the children often call if she hasn't called by bed time & I also try to supervise the conversation, not necessarily for her but to help make sure they're talking to her and not messing around, because if you've ever tried to talk to a 5 and 6 year old on the phone you know how hard and unfulfilling it is, if someone isn't helping keep them on task...

I've recently realized its only causing stress between the kids and I, So I stopped intervening and DH has also just asked me to stop calling her,that she needs to make the effort and I get his point of view. My point is I thought I would ask some of your points of views on this?

Thank you all in advance! Have been "learking" around for a while and just decided to stop being shy and join. Smile

Monchichi's picture

Welcome,

I used to ask, beg, nag, moan and plead with my SO to phone his son when he didn't have him regularly. Eventually I realised it's not my place.

By the same token it's not your place to essentially force a relationship between your step children and their mother. Let this one go and pick your battles carefully.

Best of luck Smile

No saint's picture

Welcome!
Unless the kids specifically asked, I would not have them call her. That's sweet of you but it's BM who must remember that she is a Mother and call her kids.

BethAnne's picture

We've just moved with SD7 away from where BM lives. SD is currently speaking to her mom once a week at bedtime. My husband has been calling BM at the prearranged time. I sort of feel like you that BM ought to be the one calling but at the same time, this way we are in control of when the phone call happens and so we are not having to run to BM's schedule. It is working out ok so far.

They talk on skype as my SD doesn't like phones and I think seeing her mom helps her. Could you try facetime or skype or something? That way BM will be able to see that they are distracted herself and take control and you don't have to monitor the call. The children will also feel less conflicted having both you and BM involved in the conversation.

Personally though, I would not deal with the phone calls myself as I don't want to put myself in that position.

BethAnne's picture

dup